[questionnaire]

Sorry if I ramble and get too detailed, I'll try to keep it short. However, I want to provide some context.

So I'm 21 and into the second quarter of my first year at a real deal university (community college transfer), and it's becoming painfully obvious that I'm far off the mark from where I think it's appropriate to be socially at this point in my life. I tried to maintain a relationship with my girlfriend that I'd met last winter at my old job, but she just about broke down from the lack of me being around, and it was putting a serious stress on the relationship on both ends, so now that's kaput (I was starting to realize she was a bit of a maniac and an alcoholic as well, so no regrets about it ending).

Buuut, because I was struggling with this emotional mess of a girl and traveling home every weekend to see her (she couldn't come to me work etc.), I think that I missed out on a lot of the social start-up part of the year where people join clubs/groups and meet new people. I feel like that was a key time to create a sort of social network. I'm also living in a house with my buddy from my hometown and I'm a bit of a walk off campus, so it's not like I can just walk around the dorm and BS with people. It also doesn't help that my roommate's not the most social person either (we rarely have people over, he doesn't drink or party much).

Now, I'm not stupid or oblivious. I knew that I wasn't the most social going into this university thing. I've always been this way, and it sort of had me drifting in and out of states of life-sadness (I wouldn't call it depression) during my 2 years of community college where I was, at times, just downright lonely (those 2 years made me wish that I had jumped right into a university). But now I find myself, for the first time in my life, really being like "oh ****, I don't really do anything, and it's pretty boring!"

In the past I've been content with this lifestyle. Sitting at home doing *whatever* was just fine with me. I'd hang out with a few buddies every now and then, but we didn't really "do" much.

But now I genuinely want to branch out and connect with people, but it's difficult for me to meet new people (not sure I ever remember being the first to approach someone that I've become close to). I recently went out with my friends that I don't really talk too much (more of my roommate's friends), but I ended up going out to a club, getting drunk, getting a sexy girl's number, and just having a good time.

This has re-inspired me to become a more social individual, but I'm really sort of at a loss for how to do it. Whenever I'm with new people, I just have a hard time engaging in conversation and keeping things interesting. It tends to feel like work at times, and social exhaustion sets in.

I realize that this turned more into a life-story than a real question, but I'm sort of writing this as a motivator to look back and keep progress on becoming a more social individual. Also, maybe this will be a motivator for people in similar shoes as mine.

Mostly, though, I'm really just looking for any type of general advice. How do I branch out? How do I connect with people? I know that I'm introverted, so what can I do to sort of overcome this constraint I've had on myself? My social network is nearly non-existent, so where do I start?



Summary: I'm in college, bad at making friends, and am now realizing my life is dull, but don't know how to fix it.

[QLP]

It's not too late to join some clubs. Many will be short of team members and glad to have extra people on board. My own son was a bit tied up with his girlfriend when he started university and let some of the other social stuff slide. When they broke up he suddenly realised what he had been misssing out on. It took him a bit of effort at first but he ended up captain of a pool team, captain of the ice-hockey team and president of his house common room, simply because he was willing to turn up regularly and make a bit of effort getting involved. He ended up with lots of friends, many of whom he stays in contact with now that he has graduated and moved on. He was a shy, less confident type but blossomed once he pushed himself a little. You can too.

Think about what you might enjoy doing and go seek out a club or two to join, I'm sure there will be some that are very glad to have you.

[I wish]

It takes experience to increase your social skills. Continue putting yourself in a position to meet new people. Is it possible to move into the dorms next year? I don't see why you can't still join clubs. Keep putting yourself in a position to meet new people and continue to try to interact with others. The more you interact with people, the more comfortable you will be.

Practice makes perfect.

[slapshot_oi]

. . . I recently went out with my friends that I don't really talk to much (more of my roommate's friends), but I ended up going out to a club, getting drunk, getting a sexy girl's number, and just having a good time.

I'm confused, you claim you're an introvert and socially inept, yet it's clear you enjoy going out and meeting people since you at least got this girl's number.

To answer some of your questions:

• I dunno what you mean by branching out, like how to meet different types of people? How to find new activities and interests?
• Smile, remember names, and become a good listener; follow these steps and you will connect with a lot of people. Smiling is the most important, it makes you approachable.
• Introversion is not a constraint, it is a broad categorization of personality traits. You don't need to overcome anything, but you do need to accept yourself as you are.

It sounds like your problem is you're in a mess of blues, and not that your socially awkward. The best cure for depression is a regimin of physical exercise and dieting (i.e. a life-style change). I swear. I've tried this and it works.

[Fr_Chuck]

Having fun is not going out and getting drunk and getting someone's phone number, You can be social without putting yourself at risk.

Next of course college is a place to learn, and prepare, and have some enjoyment while you are doing it,

What about clubs and groups at the school

[martinizing2]

Sitting quietly in the backround is not a good way to meet people.
You will have to find a way to overcome your awkwardness in social situations.
When I was younger (much younger) I felt much the same way you describe yourself as feeling, with the same result.

What I did was to " announce" that I was socially awkward when I met someone and asked for their help.
I found out many women like to help and are very understanding,. some very very understanding and eager to help.

Honest communication , simple and humble, is a good start.

[jimmylo0]

21? Its this age when you should be drunked and over social

[sion1]

Just be yourself around people, you know? How you are when your around family, be comfortable, say what's on your mind regardless of the response you think your going to get. Odds are you'll get completely different responses, people are very interesting and not as judgemental as you may think. This is also the best way to find people like you, interestest in the same things and all that good stuff. I know me as a person accepts everyone especially someone will to engage in conversation with me, not to many people are comfortable with that. Also, keep busy, do your school work, don't let this be your focus or you'll stay where your at.