[imagine0580]

I cannot stop thinking about how ridiculous it is to have children. I am even upset with my parents for having me... I can't think of anything more terrible than having a child, lying to them for 18 years about the world then unleashing this orrible place upon them to try and find a place to fit in. then if they are lucky they get to watch you slowly die... not to mention that people usually have kids for their own pleasure (I am very aware how self-less you need to be once you have the child but I mean the decision to even have a baby. I see my niece and nephew and I actually feel bad for them... life is good for them now, but soon (too soon) they will see the reality. I'm so upset over this I'm positive I won't ever have children. I get very upset over this daily... anyone else hear of this?

[ScottGem]

I've moved this from the Children forum as it doesn't appear to be a question but a rant.

You have a very pessimistic view of the world. If no one had children then the human race would have died off long ago. The fact is that there is a biological imperative to procreate.

Up until the baby boomer generation, each generation helped improve the world. It is only with the generation that the baby boomers spawned could it be said that their children were not better off than their parents. But that still doesn't justify not procreating.

Yes, there is certainly a selfish aspect about having children. And people should closely examine what they are doing when they do have children. But, as I said there is a biological imperative. Once born, however, it is incumbent upon the parents to raise their children with eyes wide open, in the hopes they will improve the world.

[imagine0580]

The reason I put it into the children's forum because I used to really want to have children, I mean I dreamed of a hgue family with 6 kids but recently its been hard for me... and I don't look at it as pessimistic rather then reality... I wish I didn't feel this way, I just can't help it... was just looking to see if I was the only person feeling this way. The odd thing is I LOVE kids, I want to adopt for sure, just bringing another child into this world when there's millions in need seems very selfish to me that's all

[ScottGem]

The reason I moved it is this is primarily a Q&A site. Most of this site is devoted to people asking questions and getting answers. But we do have areas where people can simply voice their opinions or open topics for discussion. Your post was moved to one of those because it wasn't a question.

The pessimism comes into play because you can't predict the future. In 18 years who knows what the world will be like? In 18 years we may have colonies on Mars or other new frontiers that offer new opportunities for the generation being born now. Maybe a child you bring into the world will find an alternative form of energy that make a huge difference in the world.

[NeedKarma]

You have to stop thinking about what others are doing and do what works for you. In a way understand the way you feel because I feel the same way about pets - don't mind dogs but I don't want to own one.

Having said that I adore my two kids and am having the time of my life raising them and sharing experiences with them. I totally respect those who decide not to have children.

[imagine0580]

My boyfriend has 2 kids and I love them SO much, and have tons of fun with them too... I just get sad sometimes because there's so much crap they don't know about yet that will certainly make them sad or pose terrible struggles for them...

[Capuchin]

But I think you're missing something, a parent is supposed to prepare them for that, not feed them lies and then set them loose at 18.

[Wondergirl]

there's so much crap they don't know about yet that will certainly make them sad or pose terrible struggles for them...

You're okay with them missing all the good stuff too?--the smooth, creamy taste of chocolate and the first snow of the winter and opening the gifts that Santa brought and laughing at a squirrel scamper around in the backyard and watching TV with the cat snuggled up close by and driving alone for the first time.

[NeedKarma]

.i just get sad sometimes because theres so much crap they dont know about yet that will certainly make them sad or pose terrible struggles for them...

I think that has more to do with your outlook on life than what children are actually facing.

[joypulv]

Imagine, I think you have a good heart and are a thoughtful, caring person, who despairs of all the inconsiderate people in the world who bring babies into the world at an alarming rate and then can't care for them, support and feed them, who abandon them and sell them (yes) or abuse them or allow them to be abused. We won't even have fresh water, the first thing we need after air, to give them, and as warming melts mountain stores of ice and snow that runs into the sea. Am I being ridiculous? The statistics are HERE NOW.
No biological imperative: we have monks and nuns and other vows of chastity, we have birth control and tube tying, we have women who say no to sex. We are not driven by instinct to procreate, most of us just do out of thoughtlessness and silly notions that babies are cute or that it's fun to be depended on with unconditional love for the first year. We haven't been victims of any imperative since we were primates.

[Alty]

I LOVE kids, I want to adopt for sure, just bringing another child into this world when there's millions in need seems very selfish to me that's all

I just get sad sometimes because there's so much crap they don't know about yet that will certainly make them sad or pose terrible struggles for them...

The above quotes (your quotes) don't seem to match.

You don't want children because you feel it's selfish, and you feel that children are lied to and will all be sad because of the struggles that lay ahead, yet you want to adopt children. Won't those children also be sad and face the struggles that lay ahead, or are they somehow different?

I have two children. I had my children because I chose to. I love children, love my two kids, and I'm raising them to be good, caring people, at least to the best of my ability (after all, no one is perfect). Do I feel bad for the children out there that don't have homes, don't have parents? Sure I do. But, should that have stopped me from having my own?

I'm responsible for the children I bring into this world, not everyone else's children. That doesn't make me selfish, and frankly I take offense that you seem to think it does.

[Just Dahlia]

I have many friends who chose not to have children and many that do have children. In my opinion it all comes down to 'life' I chose to bring another life into this world and I cannot imagine what my life would be like without him and I know he feels the same way. Life can be hard... it's a give and take, but it is still life. My child has not had an 'easy' life, but he has never once wished he was never born,. and neither have I, although I have wanted to kill him many times:D :rolleyes:

[bestbessie]

It's an interesting question whether to have children but I'm more interested in what you are doing to yourself with this viewpoint. You are focusing on children as being representative of the future. What I'm hearing here is a voice of despair, that everything is bad and you have a sense of hopelessness.

Please try to move from this train of thought and into one that's more action oriented, it's causing you unnecessary psychological pain, and can lead to mental health problems. Think about your thinking, a pessimist sees bad situations as being permanent and good things as only fleeting, an optimist sees good situations as permanent, and bad ones as fleeting.

I felt that way too, thought when I was younger that the world was going to hell in a handbasket. Then I started to notice that people do extraordinarily kind, brave and caring things, they heal others, they plant trees, they rescue animals. I still worry of course that we have a LONG way to go and that maybe we'll never get there. But remember that these kids you are looking at may also one day be healers, environmental scientists, peace activists, teachers. And you can be too- you won't save the whole world and solve every problem but then no single person can achieve that, that's why we're all here together. And parents sometimes are the most optimistic of us all, because we believe that there will be a good future for our children.. and it spurs us on to make it better.

[shelly66]

It sounds like most people are trying to justify their needs for having kids because they know deep down that it is totally 100% a selfish act. However, admitting this would take away their imaginary "badge-of-honour" that so many parents feel they deserve for popping out a few kids. I observe many parents thinking they are some sort or unselfish hero for having children. I do not understand that mindset. It makes no sense. Unless you have adopted or fostered a child that was already brought into this world and needed to be saved, you have no business thinking you are doing a good deed for anybody but yourself. YOU created these children. You chose to bring them into this world because it is what YOU wanted! To feel needed, loved, have a family to keep you company, depend on you, look up to you, and then come visit you for the rest of your life? Your child is a reflection of YOU and you want to talk about them, how great they are, how much you do for them, and do everything you can so that they turn out to make you proud... of yourself.

Most of our children will do what we did, work towards getting what THEY want in life (not what's best for the world), continue to use and exhaust the world's resources, and then have children so they can feel fulfilled... And the cycle continues... the world dies slowly... and humans remain absorbed in their own little selfish world with virtually no willingness to make sacrifices for the sake of the world because they are too busy making sacrifices for their own children instead. Its selfish through and through.

[Alty]

Well, interesting theory Shelly.

You're right, if people stop having children the worlds resources will no longer be depleted, nor will the world die because of human beings. Why? Because there won't be any human beings.

I guess it's a good thing that there are "selfish" people out there having children. Unless of course you want the human race to become extinct.

[Aurora_Bell]

As a mother I felt compelled to answer. All I can offer is my view on things. Whether I am right or wrong, it's just an opinion.

I was the type of teen/young adult who promised myself daily that I would never procreate. Not that I didn't like kids, but I saw things like much of the posters here do. Not necessarily the depletion of resources aspect (although that is a very important issue), but for the fact that there were already so many suffering out there, in need of a good parent there was no need for me to contribute to this.

Then I got pregnant, and lost my baby. I realized that I really wanted a baby. I spent 20 some years trying to please people. Parents, friends, teachers, employers, basically any person who entered my life. Just like many of you all do. Everyone does. It's common nature to want to please. We are always trying to do it. So, I decided I wanted something for me, I felt I deserved it. I wanted to feel love and companionship like that, and to be able to share it with another living being was pure joy. I don't think there are too many people out there who can say they have never done something for self gratification. After all, it's also common nature to want to be pleased.

My daughter may deplete a certain amount of natural resources in her life, but my daughter may also be a part of finding a cure for cancer, or finding a way to renew the resources that have been depleted. She may become a doctor who helps suffering people in 3rd world countries. Yes on the contrary, she may become the exact opposite, and while my family and I will always do our best to instill good virtue and ethic in her life, she may not become the amazing person I believe she is and can be. But that's just a chance I was willing to take. There is failure and set backs in most areas of life.

In my opinion people who become well functioning human beings are contributing to society. And by 'well functioning' I mean whether they find a cure for some disease or collect the trash, as long as they are giving back, in someway, they are not being truly selfish. After all even the dirtiest of jobs can be the most socially rewarding.

To the OP, what are your views on the human race in general, not just people having babies, but as a whole? Would you rather no one exist at all?

[Cat1864]

Imagine, I just want to say that if this is a recent change in how you see having children, I think you need to examine the reason for the change. I won't say your current viewpoint is right or wrong because it is yours. I just want to make sure that something didn't occur that may have more reprecussions than a decision to procreate. I am concerned that you seem to be holding a lot of anger and bitterness and that isn't healthy.

On the general topic, I, personally, do not like the phrase 'popping out' when it is applied to giving birth. While some women do seem to have more children than would be prudent, it is still a miracle. I believe that every child who is brought into this world has a purpose in being here.

I often wonder how self-sufficient the people are who say that having children is selfish.

I thought it would have been more selfish if I had aborted the child that nature decided I should have. My husband had a vasectomy long before I met him and we didn't think he could have children. It was a total surprise when I became pregnant with our son. I ended up with three miracles out of it. A son and, later, a daughter both of whom I wouldn't trade anything for and a husband who after 25 years of marriage still makes my heart sing when I hear his voice and cause me to light up just thinking about him. If it is selfish to be thankful for my family, then I am proud to be selfish.

[Aurora_Bell]

it is still a miracle. I believe that every child who is brought into this world has a purpose in being here.

You have such a wonderful way with words. I couldn't agree more with this statement. I also am proud to be selfish. Greenie for you.