[ashey23ole]

Im in a bit of situation with a close friend of mine. Since the beginning of us meeting (ive always crushed on him) he made it clear he wants to be single after getting out of a long term relationship. We maintained such a close "friendship" for months, hanging out alllll the time. Eventually things slowly started getting more sexual and my crush turned into feelings. Every time I would subtly address what we are hed reiterate how much he values our friendship. Girls have come and gone since we met but I have always stuck with him. We obviously possessed something much more than just a casual nature. After 10 months of being "friends" we finally had sex. He once admitted when he was drunk that he did have feelings for me but would always still maintain he enjoyed our friendship. I told him I didn't want to complicate things between us and didn't want sex to ruin what we've had. He agreed and told me he was sorry for messing with my head and that wed be strictly friends. It only lasted 2 weeks and then we went back to hooking up... did I mention that as much as we go out drinking together, our hookups usually happen when we are sober. Sooo best friends + sex = relationship, right?

I'm torn by the fact that although he says he just wants friendship with me and in general, his actions constantly go against what he says. He's a great guy and for the most part a guy of integrity but this situation is only confusing me. I want to be able to committ to a non sexual friendship so that it appeases both of us, but the chemistry is always present. We even act like a couple at times... what do I do?

is it possible he just isn't aware of his true feelings and is in denial because he just is in such a single lifestyle mentality? Should I havve any hope for a future?

all my friends tell me that if I'm not getting what I want out of it than its not what I deserve, but this guy is worth the wait.

I just don't understand how a guy can have feelings but not act on them?

all opinions welcome...

[sharper11]

A few things.

First: Any guy wanting to be "just friends" means what he says, but isn't going to mind "hooking up" if the girl allows it.
2nd: you said:

--all my friends tell me that if I'm not getting what I want out of it than its not what I deserve, but this guy is worth the wait. --

What is it about the guy that makes him "worth the wait". How old is he? Is he respectful? Does he have long term goals?

3rd (and my advice): Do not get hung up on this guy. It is obvious that he only want to be friends (even if that is friends with benefits). I get the impression you are filling a "role" for him. As soon as he finds a girl, you'll be put to the side again, and he'll string you around as a "back up" and call it "friendship". This is advice from someone who has been there.

I know it may hurt to hear this, but in the long run, you'll be better off. There are tons of awesome guys and maybe you'll find one that fits you a lot better.. . And consider you "just a friend".

[ashey23ole]

I acknowledge all that your saying. That's why this makes it a more of a emotional debate than rational one.

He's worth the wait because he is respectful, genuine, considerate, attentive, funny, attractive, and treats me very well... something I have yet to find in a guy. He is 22, as am I.

I just hate to think that all this friendship is just a "back up". I used to think he kept things mysterious between us until he was ready to think about committing to a relationship. I mean is it possible to have feelings for a girl but not be ready to act upon them?.

[sharper11]

At 22, maybe he feels he is not ready to commit. But that doesn't mean it is right to keep you waiting. If he is holding strong to the "just friends" title, you should move on. You WILL find a great guy, with the same characteristics.

[talaniman]

sooo best friends + sex = relationship, right?

Wrong, your math is way off!!! best friends + sex = Friends With Benefits.

I'm torn by the fact that although he says he just wants friendship with me and in general, his actions constantly go against what he says.

Wrong again his actions are of a friend that has benefits. Thats you hoping for more than that!! He hopes you keep being friends with benefits.

he's a great guy and for the most part a guy of integrity but this situation is only confusing me. I want to be able to commit to a non sexual friendship so that it appeases both of us, but the chemistry is always present. We even act like a couple at times... what do I do?

Stop acting like a couple because you are just friends with benefits.

is it possible he just isn't aware of his true feelings and is in denial because he just is in such a single lifestyle mentality?

O!!! He knows its just friends with benefits and is enjoying it. Why change things? I sure wouldn't as FWB works for me, and him too!

should I have any hope for a future?

As long as you are happy with FWB's there is plenty of hope.

all my friends tell me that if I'm not getting what I want out of it than its not what I deserve, but this guy is worth the wait.

Waiting for what??? More FWB?? How long do you wait for more than that??? You already have all the FWB that you both can handle. Why buy the cow, if the milk is free? Ever heard of that old saying? Believe it!!!

I just don't understand how a guy can have feelings but not act on them?

He is acting on them, and just because YOU want more, why should he when he already has what he wants. He has you when he wants, great sex, and freedom, and he is acting accordingly.

You want more?? Stop hanging out, stop having sex, stop giving him time, stop being available. stop acting like a couple. If he chases you, he wants you. If not, he just wanted the benefits. At least then you will know if there is hope for a future, or not. You crossed the line with him when you made yourself available for sex and more without a commitment, or MUTUAL understanding.

Your math makes no logical sense, but you will find that mine does.

[ashey23ole]

My thoughts are illogical, I know. What you're saying is true. Wish I wasn't such a dreamer..

[girlbaby99]

Sharper11, you need to listen to Talaniman although he is being harsh! Friends don't have sex with each other. At the end of this you will loose a friend and eventually you will regret this, if you two are the kind of friends you say you are. I know because it happened to me when I was younger.