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Imperfection · Oct 16, 2010, 10:57 AM

Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Okay, so ill start saying I am only 15 years old, and I know a lot you will most likely say that I should get over all of this and what not. But I have experienced a lot more for my age and I'm not like most guys of my age, I'm a sensitive person and I've always cared more than others. I have been writing quotes/poems and expressing my feelings for 2 years now and a lot of people think I'm good, but back to the main point. I've been dating a girl for almost 3 months until 3 days ago when she broke up with me. Too start, I always treated her with all respect, and treated her amazingly, id always walk with her and sometimes take her to the beach and we would always have a great time together. She had a rough past with family, but id talk with her and id say I was always here. Things were always great and I had given her some things for no real reason, and for her birthday as well. She always like my voice so sometimes I sing to her on the phone and we'd always joke around. I have fallen for this girl, and I know you may think its stupid to say at my age but all I really want right now is her, and I haven't been doing much but laying in bed all the time. The last night I seen her was when I lost her and I could tell things were wrong, I ended up convincing her to let me call her and I told her everything and how much I cared, to shorten up the call she broke up with me on the phone and said that no one ever treated her this good but she just didn't feel the same as before. She never really gave me a reason why she lost feelings and I don't think there is any. She's asked me for time and some space and I've granted that even though it hurts. I told her to talk to me first so I don't bother her and she still talks to me at least once a day. Our conversations no longer go anywhere and I don't know if I should try and move on or wait and see what might happen with us, because she is the one I fell hardest for. Any advice on what to do would be great, thanks.

DoulaLC · Oct 16, 2010, 11:04 AM

Sorry you are hurting, but really the only thing that will help is time. Spend time with your friends and family.
Part of dating is getting to know people and while she seemed to be "it" for you, you turned out not to be "it" for her.

There is nothing you did wrong, she said it herself, she just doesn't feel the same way.

It can be tempting to try and figure out what she wants and try to change to fit that so that she will still be interested, but don't. You have to remain true to yourself... and not change to meet what you think someone else may want. It wouldn't last long because it wouldn't be the real you.

You can't force a relationship, or make someone feel what they don't feel, no matter how much you might like to.

In time, and you will have good days and bad for awhile, you will meet someone else. You'll find good qualities in many people, and some not so good, but that is part of finding out what the best fit will be for you... and more importantly, it will be felt mutually.

Imperfection · Oct 16, 2010, 11:09 AM

Thanks for such a quick reply, I appreciate your answer, and I have been trying to spend time but everyone always seems so busy now when I need to be busy most. I guess I should have also added that no matter what I do I can't get her out of my mind, and that I rarely feel hungry.

DoulaLC · Oct 16, 2010, 11:14 AM

It's understandable... unfortunate, but perfectly normal to feel sort of lost and unable to function normally.

If it is too difficult to talk to her so often right now, maybe ask her to not contact you for awhile. Tell her that it is just to painful and you need time to get adjusted to the break-up.

If you have any close friends, contact them and let them know you really need to just hang out for awhile. Go to a movie, find something to occupy yourself with. Get involved in a new activity.

It will get easier, I wish there was a quick way through it, but it just takes time.

Imperfection · Oct 16, 2010, 11:20 AM

Unfortunately,I'm the one who wants to talk to her,but I'm resisting to because she had asked me for time and space,so since the breakup I have been waiting for her to talk to me,I don't know if its good I am or not but I'm trying to respect her.

talaniman · Oct 16, 2010, 06:15 PM

That's what you should do respect her wishes and do your own thing. Whatever you did before meeting up with her is a good place to go back to, and enjoy yourself.

Never wait for a female to change her mind and take you back, there are just to many of them to waste time with one who is not as interested in you as you are them.

Imperfection · Nov 9, 2010, 04:46 PM

Okay so last month I had posted a question about me and my ex breaking up. So its been about a month since we have been a part. Me and my ex still keep contact and talk to each other a bit every day and I'm happy that we are friends, but I'm still hurting. I feel like I can't do anything but sit in my room and think about it and be depressed. I have talked to my friends and they always just tell me that things will get better but nothing really helps me, me and my ex still talk about it and that she's sorry but I always have to re-assure her that I'm not going to be mad just because she had to hurt me even if she didn't want to and that you can't really change the way you feel. I am having a very hard time getting over her and I am hardly distracted besides school so she is always on my mind. Lately I feel like no matter how nice I am to anyone or how much I try, I can never be truly happy for more than just a little while, or if the happiness is worth the pain you always get in the end. Some how I feel responsible for us being apart because she had always thought she never deserved to be treated as great as I treat her and still do treat her. Sometimes I just think that maybe if I had treated her less she would still be here. Its hard to get over the fact she is only my friend now, and as much as it hurts to be her friend I wouldn't be able to bare her not being in my life at all. Any suggestions on how to help me or get over her to be happy again would be great.

ironhide262 · Nov 9, 2010, 08:55 PM

I think that you are just holding out on hope that perhaps the both of you will get back together. I thought about trying to remain friends with my ex after we broke up but, I quickly realized that it would just be impossible without me healing first. Clearly you are not in the mental state of mind to just be her friend. Regardless of what you or her think, you are very much hurt by the breakup. She left you... you need to heal. The only person you are serving by trying to stay friends is her... it's like you are helping her get over the guilt of dumping you while you stay in pain and do nothing for yourself! Do you like torturing yourself!

GO NO CONTACT MAN! Who cares what she thinks at this point. You need to think about you. Tell her you will not be contacting her and that she should give you the space you need. Get over her, get some friends, work on your life and your happiness. Find a girl that deserves your love.

Devorameira · Nov 10, 2010, 06:42 AM

It's really painful to see someone you care about everyday and know the relationship is over.

Ironhide262 got it right. You really need to go no contact. Why don't you just tell her that you are in too much pain to be her good friend right now and you need some time without her in your life.

Move on, heal and find someone who appreciates having someone who treats them well.