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Going-Crazy · Dec 29, 2006, 11:53 AM

I am a 22 year old newly wed. I have never really wanted to have a child until recently because I feel way too young to have one and Im still in college. My husband doesn't want a child for at least 5 years. But recently I have 2 friends that have had babies. Ever since I have saw the babies I have been spending all my money on baby clothes and accessories for them. And I mean a lot of money! My husband and I don't make a lot of money and instead of paying bills I have been going to the mall and buying everything baby for them. I love walking into the store and going through all the baby clothes and when I get home I look at them for a while. Then I wrap them up and I want to go get more stuff! I feel an overwhelming sensation to have a baby. I feel like crying when I write this because I want one so bad and I just want to be around my friends baby 24/7!! ( I can only see their babies once a month because they live far away).
I honestly feel like my life was normal before my 2 friends babies have entered my life. I feel like I'm going crazy! Is this normal or can anyone help me?
I hope someone has some insight, I want to go baby shopping again today... and I probably will.
Thanks in advance! :confused: :confused: :confused:

J_9 · Dec 29, 2006, 01:55 PM

You really need to re-evaluate your priorities at this point in time. Yes, your friends have babies, but you have bills. The babies will be clothed whether you buy for them, but your heat and lights need to stay on.

You are a newly wed... take time to get to know your husband more than you do now. Your husband wanting to wait until you are married 5 years is a GREAT plan. But... if you continue shopping and spending all of your money on these friends, then you may not be married in 5 years.

Consider saving the money you would be spending for your baby. Save it so you will have more money to shop for your own child.

Going-Crazy · Dec 29, 2006, 02:15 PM

Hi- I understand what you are saying.. it's a good idea to save some money in a separate account for my own child. But even if I stop buying, I really cannot get babies out of my head! I just want to be around one, even if its not my own and play with them and dress them up and take them places... is it normal for me to have a strong wish to have a baby and to always think about them? Or should I seek professional help? Who knows, maybe it's a phase or horomones... I am just making myself sick over this though!!

buggage · Dec 29, 2006, 02:15 PM

Going crazy. At this time in your life, you have gone through a lot of new changes. Being a newlywed for one. Up until now, life has been wonderful living for yourself. But once you take that step into marriage, it opens so many new and wonderful doors. You now live not only for yourself, but for your hubby as well. I went through a huge baby urge when I first got married, and I think it is normal. Not to say that the moment you get married you need to start poping out kids, but it does open up new avenues to your mind that you didn't find yourself thinking about before. THAT being said, this shopaholic thing you have going on, really needs to stop. If you absolutely MUST buy something, make it something to put in a hope chest for your own future children. Right now you need to be concentrating on the new baby that you DO have. Your marriage. You said that you don't have a lot of money(as most newlyweds dont) and throwing away your money for your friends babies that you hardly get to see is not at all wise. It is putting your marriage in jeapordy.have you sat down and talked to your hubby about this? If you did, I am sure you would see that, while he wants to make you happy, you spending the bill money on someone else's baby is putting extra stress on him, and your relationship. As your man, he wants to know that he can provide all the things that his family needs. It seems from the moment guys enter that committed relationship, they start to worry about the financial goals of the family. Whether there is enough money to put food on the table and shelter over your head, and still have money left over to spend on the little things(like spoiling his wife;0) I am sure you are probably working too, so its not just his paycheck on the line, BUT if you are spending all of your money on these baby clothes, that your future kids won't even see, it really IS his paycheck that you are both relying on, and you are not contributing to make the ends meet. You can no longer live life like a single, being able to spend on whatever you want. I would suggest this. Build yourself a budget plan.Pay off your bills. Make sure that you have food and electricity and other things, THEN if you must, go shopping for things that you can keep for your own kids.kids are expensive, so getting things over time isn't a bad idea. But keep in mind, it may be several years before babies enter the picture, and fashion changes overnight. So be conservative. I would also suggest sitting down, and having a heart to heart with hubby. Tell him your strong baby urges, and explain why you have been spending so much. Let him know that you will put your own family first from now on. Then start talking about why he wants to wait so long, and come to a compromise between the both of you, after having worked out a financial goal and time for when to start trying for babies. You don't want to have a baby, just to lose their father because of your spending habits. Marriage isn't a 50/50 situation. It is a 100 sometimes 110 percent on both sides of things. There will be many times that you will give and give and not get anything in return. And other times that you will be given that much in return.(esp when you become a mommy) because you love each other. That is what endless love is. I hope that this has helped in some way. I have been married for 3 years, have a 2 year old and a baby on the way. So I understand. Best of wishes, and good luck.

J_9 · Dec 29, 2006, 02:40 PM

This is most likely a phase. You have entered the world where a child is now possible. However, it is not financially possible for you right now.

I do understand why your husband wants to wait 5 years. He wants to spend time with you and only you without the burdens of children, he wants to get to know you as a wife before you are a mother, he wants to be a couple before he is ready to be a family, he wants time to build a nest egg so that you are comfortable when the time comes for having children. You're still in college, he may want you to wait until you graduate and get your career going.

With all of that said, did you know that the #1 reason for divorce is financial? You already said in so many words that you really cannot afford this.

Do something with children that costs no money, but gives GREAT satisfaction. Volunteer your shopping time at a Children's Hospital, that would be so much more rewarding than spending money you can't afford.

Going-Crazy · Dec 29, 2006, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by buggage

Going crazy. At this time in your life, you have gone through a lot of new changes. Being a newlywed for one. Up until now, life has been wonderful living for yourself. But once you take that step into marriage, it opens so many new and wonderful doors. You now live not only for yourself, but for your hubby as well. I went through a huge baby urge when I first got married, and I think it is normal. Not to say that the moment you get married you need to start poping out kids, but it does open up new avenues to your mind that you didnt find yourself thinking about before. THAT being said, this shopaholic thing you have going on, really needs to stop. if you absolutely MUST buy something, make it something to put in a hope chest for your own future children. Right now you need to be concentrating on the new baby that you DO have. Your marriage. You said that you dont have a lot of money(as most newlyweds dont) and throwing away your money for your friends babies that you hardly get to see is not at all wise. It is putting your marriage in jeapordy.have you sat down and talked to your hubby about this? If you did, I am sure you would see that, while he wants to make you happy, you spending the bill money on someone elses baby is putting extra stress on him, and your relationship. As your man, he wants to know that he can provide all the things that his family needs. It seems from the moment guys enter that commited relationship, they start to worry about the financial goals of the family. Whether there is enough money to put food on the table and shelter over your head, and still have money left over to spend on the little things(like spoiling his wife;0) I am sure you are probably working too, so its not just his paycheck on the line, BUT if you are spending all of your money on these baby clothes, that your future kids wont even see, it really IS his paycheck that you are both relying on, and you are not contributing to make the ends meet. you can no longer live life like a single, being able to spend on whatever you want. I would suggest this. Build yourself a budget plan.Pay off your bills. Make sure that you have food and electricity and other things, THEN if you must, go shopping for things that you can keep for your own kids.kids are expensive, so getting things over time isnt a bad idea. but keep in mind, it may be several years before babies enter the picture, and fashion changes overnight. So be conservative. I would also suggest sitting down, and having a heart to heart with hubby. Tell him your strong baby urges, and explain why you have been spending so much. let him know that you will put your own family first from now on. Then start talking about why he wants to wait so long, and come to a compromise between the both of you, after having worked out a financial goal and time for when to start trying for babies. you dont want to have a baby, just to lose their father because of your spending habits. Marriage isn't a 50/50 situation. it is a 100 sometimes 110 percent on both sides of things. There will be many times that you will give and give and not get anything in return. and other times that you will be given that much in return.(esp when you become a mommy) because you love eachother. that is what endless love is. I hope that this has helped in some way. I have been married for 3 years, have a 2 year old and a baby on the way. so i understand. best of wishes, and good luck.

Wow- Thank you so much. It makes sense to me why I am feeling this. I think seeing my friends babies and how happy they are, made me feel like I was missing out on that joy. But in time I can have a baby, and Im going to concentrate on my marriage and my husband. But I do need to focus more on my husband and school for now, because it does scare me that I wouldn't be able to provide for a child since right now we are living from paycheck to paycheck. I do have a lot going for me and I think if I start babysitting my friends baby, it will give me my "baby fix". I did go out today and I didn't buy anything baby... so Im proud of myself. And luckily I have the clothes I bought yesturday and Im going to go return them and pay my bills. Also, I am going to make a hope chest because that's a good idean and Im a bargain hunter and if I see something on clearance Ill pick it up and put it in there and Ill start saving money for our future but other then that, I won't buy anything anymore...
Luckily this hasn't been going on for a long time, and my husband agrees that I'm going through a baby phase and he thinks I should just go babysit and see how hard taking care of a child is... or he jokingly suggested I go buy a baby-doll... lol...
Well thank you so much for everyone's input and help! I actually thought I was going crazy because my desire is sooooo strong!!
Have a happy new year!

buggage · Dec 30, 2006, 05:22 PM

No problem hun. You are a smart young woman, and one day not too far in the future, when you are pregnant with your first baby, with the waiting you have endured behind you, it will mean that much more to you. Having kids is hard work, we got married just months after I turned 19, I had our first baby just two weeks after I turned 20. Let me tell you, starting a marriage, AND a family is sooo hard. We love him more then anything, and couldn't be more excited for this next bun in the oven to come out, BUT it was a lot of hard work. Getting to know your wife in a new marriage is hard enough, without having the hormones of pregnancy thrown into the mix. HAH. So like I said, I think that you are showing wisdom and are focusing on the important things, you are making plans for the future, but are taking it in a practical stride. So for now, just enjoy your friends babies, and enjoy the fact that at the end of the day, you can go home to your hubby and get a full night of sleep. You'll need that sleep when you're little ones come, I promise you that. ;0) Best of wishes, and good luck in your new endeavors as a wife.

Going-Crazy · Dec 30, 2006, 06:21 PM

Originally Posted by buggage

no problem hun. you are a smart young woman, and one day not too far in the future, when you are pregnant with your first baby, with the waiting you have endured behind you, it will mean that much more to you. Having kids is hard work, we got married just months after I turned 19, I had our first baby just two weeks after I turned 20. Let me tell you, starting out a marriage, AND a family is sooo hard. We love him more then anything, and couldnt be more excited for this next bun in the oven to come out, BUT it was a lot of hard work. Getting to know your wife in a new marriage is hard enough, without having the hormones of pregnancy thrown into the mix. HAH. So like I said, I think that you are showing wisdom and are focusing on the important things, you are making plans for the future, but are taking it in a practical stride. So for now, jsut enjoy your friends babies, and enjoy the fact that at the end of the day, you can go home to your hubby and get a full night of sleep. you'll need that sleep when you're little ones come, I promise you that. ;0) Best of wishes, and good luck in your new endeavors as a wife.

:) :) :) Awwwwww... thank you so much! I will def. take your advice... Im def. going to babysit so my baby cravings go away!! You make me feel more confident also!! Best of luck with your family! Have a happy, healthy new year!
:) :) :)

someonessong · Sep 6, 2007, 02:50 PM

I too have a "baby obsession," but instead of buying baby clothes for friends or family, I buy them and save them for my own children someday. Carter's is the only thing I buy. My husband is in his last year of college and also thinks it is best to wait. The original deadline was in 4 years, but that seemed way too long for me to wait, since all my girlfriends and a sister in law are having babies right now. So I talked with my husband and found out his requirements for feeling secure enough to start a family. This happens to be him finding a job and us getting a house. In the way that I pay for my strange habit is that any overtime I do at work goes to an accout that is all mine. That way, I can either choose to save up for thing when we do have the baby, or buy things now that I will use later. It has drastically changed the anxiety because my husband doesn't feel as though I don't care about our finances, and also, when I feel "baby crazy," I can pull out my things and touch them and know that I will happen soon.

automansgirl · Sep 6, 2007, 04:23 PM

Another thing to remember is that when you get married you have the wedding to look forward to and then the honeymoon. Once it's over, even though you are happy, you don't have anything to be really excited about looking forward to. I went through this as well, and your craving to have a baby will go away and come back again. Instead, focus your attention on a career, buying a house, getting to know your husband even more! Be excited about your relationship and make it a goal to make it the best it can be, so when you both decide the time is right to have children your marriage will be rock solid. Unfortunately men don't change their minds as easily as we do, so more than likely he still isn't going to want children for a while. He may decide down the road that you don't need to wait 5 years, but the choice will come more quickly once you are a bit more established financially. You will know when the time is right ffor the both of you, and until then take the other posters' advice and find some kind of work or volunteer work that is around children. All you can do is try to push the baby thoughts out of your mind and occupy your time and mind with something else. Good luck!