[italy2010]

Where to start. First, my boyfriend and I love each other very much despite our flaws and downs that we've had. But certain things are just becoming too much that I don't know what to do that I already haven't done.

Things were never like this before... but because we weren't in love with each other. But once we did, then things changed. I always feel that he's looking for perfection even when he states he doesn't. I'm not perfect and make mistakes like anyone in this world does.

We've been together for a year now and throughout the time I've told him the same thing over and over again. He constantly questions me on everything and always wants details. From what did I do, where did I go, who was there, what time was it, when did I get home, what did I drink, how many did I drink, what did I wear, etc. I've told him so many times that I don't like it because it makes me feel like I'm being interrogated. He constantly points out my mistakes that I make, but yet supposably he never makes any when in fact he does. I'm not perfect and neither is he. With certain shirts or clothes, he constantly tells me to cover up. Shorts have to be a certain length and I cannot put photos of me in shorts online because "my body is his". I constantly feel that I always have to update him on everything that I do and when I don't he questions it. He can become a very curious person which annoys me. I also feel that I have to ask him permission even when I want to have a drink with a friend or family.

I love him very much, but I'm just not comfortable with this and don't know what to do. Despite this, he's very sweet, protecting, helps when I need it, and I know he has a gentle heart and have talked so much about building a future together and completely loves children. We truly love each other, but don't know how to get around this. I feel like I've changed a lot for him, but this situation keeps getting worse and worse no matter how many times I tell him and no matter with all the things that have happened.

I'm currently on vacation and before I left, the whole week we had nothing but misunderstandings. I don't know when I'm going back, but tonight I finally got to see his face on webcam because he didn't have internet before and we were so happy to see each other. But because of this, we ended up not having a good night and I felt so tired of the drama and signed off. I could be thousands of miles away, and I feel it won't change. Can someone please help me how to resolve this issue and make the love of my life realize that this isn't right.

[Wondergirl]

I'm sorry you are having to put up with this behavior. He is very insecure and needs to be in control of things. You are the easiest to control because you love him, so you bear the brunt of his need to control.

You cannot resolve this by yourself or make him realize this isn't right. Your best bet is to find a counselor or therapist and meet for at least a few sessions to discuss this and find out what you CAN do and what choices you have.

[italy2010]

It's really hurting the both of us because we're so tired of having these misunderstandings and keep telling each other that we should support and be there for one another and not against each other.
Even tonight, I feel awful because no matter what we've gone through, we have been there for each other, but yet always still keep fighting.
He also doesn't like me talking to guys and wants me to keep it short. Even if asking about a game in a store.

[411Help]

He needs counseling. It won't be long until you're no longer able to put up with this crazy behavior.

[lickemlolly]

1. Your body is not his its YOURS...
2. no one has a right to dictate what you can and can't do in your life as it is YOUR life at the end of the day even if you share it with someone
3. if you wanted a parent to rule your life like you were a child you would still be staying at home right?

Real simple... lay down your terms... if he doesn't like it then cut him loose... the misery he is causing is only going to CAUSE you to eventually hate him... its all fine now because you haven't been together quite that long... trust me when I say... you start getting to 4 and 5 years of the same nonsense and no matter how much you love them.. you HATE them.. then you start looking for a way out..

[italy2010]

I have laid my terms, but it still keeps happening. One moment he tells me he understands, but I don't really think he does. It's very frustrating. So frustrating that a few times I told him I was done and then he looked for me, we talked and then we were good. But I've told him many times before that I'm tired of all of this and if he doesn't quit then it's going to make me love him less and less.

[Wondergirl]

I have layed my terms, but it still keeps happening. One moment he tells me he understands, but I don't really think he does. It's very frustrating. So frustrating that a few times I told him I was done and then he looked for me, we talked and then we were good. But I've told him many times before that I'm tired of all of this and if he doesn't quit then it's going to make me love him less and less.

Take back your power and make the decision. Otherwise, he is in control and you have no power at all.

[Homegirl 50]

It is not going to get better. If you have decided you can no longer deal with this, leave and stay gone.
There is no reason you should have to change and be so stressed so that he can have his selfish and possessive way.
When you are really tired of this, you will walk away and stay gone. I just hope you do it before he really breaks you down.

[beachloverjohn]

You have to face some painful truths. First, he is confusing love with ownership. Because he knows you love him he feels entitled to control you in every way. Second he is completely selfish. He is only wants you to be happy when you are with him. He is keeping you in a sort of prison so that he can decide your every move especially when you are with your friends. Third, he is so insecure that he will find fault at everything you do that does not meet his approval. This is a classic case of an unhealthy relationship. It is unlikely that you will ever be able to change his behavior, but you can change yours. You will probably going to have to separate from him for awhile and give him a chance to work on himself, if indeed you can convince him that his actions are destroying your relationship. If he cannot see this,then you are going to reach a point soon when you no longer will allow him to run your life. Another words you will dump him, no matter how much you love him, because you will realize that you can't live that way and you need to take care of yourself first. It will be a painful lesson for him to learn, but for a relationship to work, there has to be mutual trust and respect, and space allowed.

[talaniman]

He can only do what you allow him to do. When you get tired enough of it, or he does, then changes will be made.