[Ths1113]

So I was recently just dumped by the man I have loved for the past 1.5 years. It hit me like a sledgehammer in the head; I didn't see it coming at allllll. Our relationship had been going normally, we've always had communication issues but our mutual passionate love for each other has always sorted everything out.

Timeline wise, he broke up with me almost a month ago. We had had a pretty great night together and as I leaned in to kiss him goodnight, he pulled back and told me he thought we should break up "before he goes to college." when I said nothing and teared up he continued saying, "I still want to spend the next three weeks with you, I love you so much I just think it's best for both of us." I didn't know what to say soi got out of the car and haven't seen him since.

I am a high school senior, he is going into his freshman year of college at a school about 20 min from home. I know college is a common source for splitting people up, but we had talked and talked about it. He had always said that he wanted to stay with me, absolutely. I was initially unsure and would bring it up occasionally to see if he still felt the same way and after a while I stopped bothering, he was positive. We made many plans together for the future, even the night of the break up he spoke of me meeting his roommates andaybe getting to sleep over in his dorm.

I was absolutely devastated for about 10 days. Couldn't go out, constant distraction was needed and even then I basked my eyes out daily. Now it has subsided to a dull ache, but it is constant.
I miss him so much. I gave every ounce of my love to this guy, and even though it wasn't perfect, I wasn't prepared for it to end anytime soon. I find myself feeling rejected and confused and still surprised even though I know what's healthy to try move on.

I instinctively went with NC to cope. I have had three extremely brief conversations with him via text, one being the day after the break up and the last one about a week ago. I know I don't want to "stay in touch", which he has mentioned. He just keeps saying it's "best for both of us" and he "might regret it" but it's done.
I can't stop thinking about what I will do of he comes back. I want no one else, my life consists of constant substitutions for time spent withhim. Nothing feels exciting anymore. I can't see this pain stopping. Not even the thought of him meeting new people and getting on with his life helps.

Also, I had an extremely close relationship with his mom. Often I would hang with her without him. She has contacted me and says she misses me and inquired about seeing me once he has moved out. Idk what to do I miss her and love her and would not want to hear how he's doing or anything.


Also forgot to mention he has clinical depression. He told me about it when we met and I saw absolutely no evidence of it. He used to tell me I saved him, I was his sunshine. The only time I've ever seen him down was late may, right before his grauation. It came out of the blue, he told me he needed some space to think about us. It was the only time he expressed to me the idea of breaking up, ever. The next day he texted me and said he didn't know what got into him. He loved me, he was feeling depressed for the first time in ages and for some reason that made him want to alienate me. I don't think this is the depression again, he wouldn't act rashly like this but I see him coming back in the future when life gets low...

[Devorameira]

So sorry to hear about your break up. The way he went about it was pretty heartless.

Getting over the heartache of a break up is hard work. You need to enlist the help of friends, family, perhaps even a few strangers to get through this difficult time. It’s okay to ask for help. We’ve all been in your shoes and suffered with feelings remarkably similar to the ones you’re feeling right now.

Cry and mourn for awhile, but don't let the ghost of your failed relationship gnaw on your smile. You had a life before you met him - do you remember it? You had fun then. You smiled. You spent time with friends and laughed at little things.

Stay on no contact! Give yourself time for your heart to catch up with your brain. Smile even when you don't feel like it. You'll know when its time for you to move on and move forward.

[Ths1113]

Update: so tonight I go on Facebook and the first thing in my newsfeed is his status saying he's excited to head off to college tomorrow. I was confused at first because he isn't my friend anymore but then I saw a mutual friend commented sk that's why it showed up. There were a bunch of comments and "likes", many from girls I've never heard of and I admit I was jealous. Just seeing that, any sign if him, drove me to tears for an hour. I feel pathetic after a month I can't suck it up enough to see his name. I just miss him, every day. The first thing I think about when I wake up, before I am able to harness my thoughts. I've thought about texting him a good luck in college sort if thing, but I know that would only undo the marginal healing I've accomplished through this nc.
I guess what I'm looking for here is any sort of support. I have a great family and friends but I can feel them getting sick of my whining. I am a overcommunicator, and sometimes I need to get it all out. I would appreciate any advice, comments, or encouragement. He was my first boyfriend, first love, first sexual partner... first everyhing and he left a huge hole in me.

[aimee_tt]

Block him on Facebook. You will not see anything he says. It will be like he doesn't exist on Facebook. He will also not be able to see your page.

Its going to be rough for you for a while. But to me it sounds like your better off with out him. I mean There are better ways to break up with someone than the way he did.

Keep your head up and smile. Look up funny things on the computer. You tube usually has some funny clips. Go out with friends. Get a diary and write all your feelings in it. Then in a months time you can read it again and see how far you have come.

It will get better you just have to give it time.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I know how you feel completely. My first relationship was from 11 years old to 17. He was also my first everything. He broke up with me for someone who was 15. I was so heartbroken, and cried myself to sleep for two weeks, cried until I puked for another two weeks, wrote his/our names all over a piece of paper and burned it. I threw away EVERYTHING that even reminded me of him... and I moved on. It takes time, patience and commitment. When you find yourself thinking about him turn the thought to you. Focus on you, this is the best time to do so. You've now learned what an unsuccessful relationship is. Take this as a learning lesson. Now you know what you DON'T want in a next relationship. Live and learn. And you WILL find someone that find MORE worthy than this person eventually. I wish you luck on your new single journey.

**Go get a haircut, or nails done or buy a new outfit... You'll be shocked at how it improves your mood and outlook on your new life!

[Starry nights]

Time heals,trust me... you are doing good by staying NC... keep it up,take care of yourself,eat and sleep well,go out,meet new people,put in efforts to move on... one day you would have even forgotten this guy,trust me... :)

[talaniman]

Yes time will heal you if you stay No Contact from him and following him on the social networks is breaking NC, and pouring salt in your still fresh wounds.

[Ths1113]

Okay thank you all, I am young and I know that I still have a lot of love left to give and receive in my life. It's a process and I think it will be very gradual for me as I was extremely attached. It's hard because I've never really seen anyone handle this healthily, but that's what I'm trying to do I'm going to continue with NC and hopefully be strong enough.

[Ths1113]

Another question: his mother has contacted me and told me she wants to give me concert tickets that she had previously bought for me. She said she would love to see me to give them, but that if I was unsure she could mail them. Thing is, I have a tonnnnn of my ex's clothing that I would love to get rid of completely. She said I could drop it off and get the tickets. Obviously he wouldn't be there but I'm not sure if even going to his house would bring back memories and be painful? The concert isn't until 9/11 so I could wait a couple weeks I guess before deciding what to do. I miss her she's the sweetest woman but I just feel like she's primarily his mother over my friend and that makes me a little uncomfortable. What do you think? I've held up NC for a couple weeks now, would this take me back?

[beachloverjohn]

You are doing so well why bring yourself back to square one. You know the conversation with his mother will be about her son, so why put yourself through that. Let her mail the tickets to you, and explain that it is too painful to go to her house. As for his clothes, If she can pick them up from you,that would be fine. Otherwise donate them to goodwill. What you are doing is extremely difficult, but necessary for you to get past this. Keep up the good work, and eventually he will just be a memory.

[Ths1113]

It's still so hard I'm beginning to think the pain will never stop. I lost so much love. I can't remember how I was happy without him. I'm trying so hard but this sadness is seeping into every aspect and every moment of my life I feel like I have no control and I'm exhausted from constantly fighting this. It's notreally getting any easier. I just want to sleep for the next year of my life and wake up happy.

[Kitkat22]

I know you probably don't want to hear this but I am going to tell you anyway. You will get better. Right now it doesn't seem like the pain will
Never stop, but it will. You feel as though you've cried an ocean of tears and you feel as though you'll never love anyone else. You will. The tears will stop and you'll begin to have days when you can think about him and not hurt.

Don't listen to sad music. Don't go to places which remind you of him.
Go to football games and hang out with your friends. Concentrate on school and stay NC. I promise it will get better.:) Blessings to you.:)

[Ths1113]

I find myself thinking I lost something irreplaceable. He is the only person who's ever loved me, and what I found with him was amazing. At times I felt like we were one person. It's so hard. I wonder if I will ever feel the same way about someone else. I'm having a really tough time. It's not all the time, but it springs on me some days at random moments ad I can't shake it off no matter how hard I try. Other days, I wake up feeling glum and it follows me around until I go to bed. I miss him, I can't believe I let myself become so dependent.

[beachloverjohn]

It's Ok to feel the way you do. It takes a long time to heal a brokenheart, no matter what your age is. But someday, you will love again, and you will be loved. It may not be the same, but it will be wonderful. You will always have great memories of this past relationship, but when you do fall in love again, you will wonder how you ever lived without that person. As time goes on, the hurt you feel now will be less and less. Then the things that you once cared about will start to become important to you again. You will remember how to be happy. And you will remember how to love. And you will know what it's like to be loved again. And somewhere along the line , you will break some hearts, because that is, unfortunately, part of life. But the right one will come along one day, and you will both know it. And then you will thank your ex for giving you the opportunity to find the real man of your dreams. Because he is out there somewhere, just waiting to come into your life.

[talaniman]

What most of us find out after a break up is something about ourselves, and the way we are, and the things about ourselves that we like, and don't like, and if we are up for change or not.

I always feel that dwelling on the past failure is not an option, but learning from the experience is a must.

You are having ups, and downs dealing with this break up, and that's understandable, since its all about how you cope with your own feelings, and the things you do for yourself when your down.

Have you read the stickies? The whole theme is about strategies we form to cope with our feelings in positive ways, after a break up, which by design or coincidence, works when life throws other things at us as we go through life.

[Ths1113]

I can't believe it's midnovember and I am posting on this thread.
I went NC for almost two months, it wasn't working for me. I just had so many questions and things I needed to say for closure. So I emailed him and we got together to talk. It was great for me; I got it all out, and he just sat there silently, unable to really communicate efficiently just like he's always been. He was upset and emotional but the one thing he did make clear was that he had moved on. Everything felt resolved after that conversation. It didn't exactly end on good terms... actually it was pretty awkward, but that was okay it felt over. From that night on every day was better: not only was I healing, I was moving beyond.
Two weeks ago I got a text from him about how much he missed me. I was completely surprised but didn't respond. He texted me three more times until I did. We spoke briefly, him saying
He screwed up and missed me and didn't know what he wanted and me saying I didn't think there was a way to trust him again. He said college "was fun at first and now it's settled in." he kept on sending little crying faces and frowny faces... it was weird. I basically said too little too late. I wasn't about to let a guy back from a couple of texts.
I didn't think knowing he was thinking about me would affect me... but it did. The next week I fantasized about him appearing with flowers on my doorstep saying he'd do anything to get me back
I didn't say anything to him... I sort of just waited to see if he would try harder.
Exactly one week after he texted me, he was in q relationship with a new girl. I was shocked. He was missing me a week before. I didn't understand but I tried not to care again all this week. I can't... I do care. My hopes were high and now
I feel crushed again.
I don't see his motive. I am so confused and I just wish he never would have texted me. It wasn't late, it was in the morning; I know his feelings were real... so why is he now calling another girl baby?
I didn't prepare myself to deal with this. I'm really confused and hurt and mad because I was doing really well until this.

[pandead]

You let that happen. You knew he would get to you and thought you were in control. Truth is, you are not in control as long as you keep contacting him and let him contact you.

No Contact isn't only about not taking the first step to contact someone. It's called NO-CONTACT for a reason. You didn't avoid contact with him. He knows how he can get a hold of you, he can do it whenever he wants. Block his number, his emails (I deleted my adresses and messengers, got new ones, my friends were glad to add them.)

I think he really did miss you for... a day? Being selfish is common for many ex-boyfriends (AND girlfriends) so he contacted you. Once you were confused, he got what he wanted, so he found someone else.

He could come back and say the same thing, eventually, after his current relationship ends, because he knows you'll be there whenever he wants to talk to you.

If you needed closure, you got it. Now go NO CONTACT for good, don't let him contact you either. Change your phone number if you have no self control. Stop playing games and let him go.