[BarryFrank]

Hey there I'm Franco

Basically I'm having serious trouble of getting over my ex, I'll try and explain everything I can: (sorry for any spelling or grammar errors (its 1:30am))

may 06 (my ex and I had been together for 18 months) , I lost a very good friend in a car crash which I took very hard, my ex and I were already having problems (but don't we all) and to be honest I couldn't cope and we ended up breaking up over the whole issue.

I felt like she wasn't there for me and I was very random with my emotions at that time, it was the first death of someone close to me and I was only 16 (17 now).
But looking back on it, she was there for me, I just couldn't open up to her.

About a week later I had my chance to get back together but I said no, so 2 days after she went and got with two guys out clubbing, I was so upset about it and pushed her away even more and didn't even want to speak to her.

A month passed and we didn't speak, we go to the same college and I see her everyday but yer I just stayed away, thinking I was over her.

Then in was our colleges club night, half way through the night I saw her with a guy in the year above, she was happy and they were dancing, then they started kissing, I just saw red and attacked the guy and made my ex and her friends cry, then I got thrown out the club, you could say, she broke my heart, so I broke his jaw.

And what did I gain from that? Nothing. I regret that 100% but at least I know I made a mistake and yer my ex and I started talking again, she forgave me for what I did but she had now decided she had moved on when I realised, I was still deeply in love with her.

it was as if there was a switch between are emotions, like a swap.

I feel I didn't want to split up, I just need time out after everything what I went through.

Summer came and we got time apart, I missed her everyday and started drinking every minute everyday, I would constantly be drunk which seemed to either make the feelings go away for a while or make them 100 times worse. Like it wasn't even with anyone either, I would get drnk on my own.

I started smoking weed again and moved on to taking cocaine.

The 'wonderful' myspace let me check my ex's life by reading her comments, her and the guy I hit were still meeting up in town and by each night kissing each other. I heard he asked her out enough times but she kept saying no.

I tried everything to move on, drink, drugs.. so then I tried to find someone new and yer after a week I was dating a girl.

Two weeks in to dating this new girl I split with her, (I did nothing with her if you get me) as I just couldn't stop thinking of my ex. Then I found out..

the day I split up with my (sorry to say it) 'rebound', my ex finally said yes to this guy.




September 06 now, and back to college, I see my ex everyday and even sit next to her in some lessons. We would seem very close, even flirting, but then her boyfriend would text her.. shot down you could say. This happened all through September

oct 06 by now I had quit drink and drugs due to me becoming very sick for 3 weeks so I was always throwing up etc. I just laid in bed all day thinking of her.

nov 06, my friends inquest to his death finally took place, I felt it was right for me to go, but it was horrible it brought everything back to me and I would break down everyday, e.g. in lessons I would just cry out of the blue. I was an emotional wreck. My ex wasn't, couldn't be there for me either as she had her own life to run now.

dec 06, with my parents and college noticing my sadness, they got me into pyscotherapy ( concoiling), I had 6 1hr sessions, and with a lot of talking a tears we thought we had cracked it.

this week, everything is beginning to come back to me and with christmas comeing around I feel like a part of me is missing without her seeing as which I spent the last 2 with her, I have really f**ked up dreams about her as well, like some stuff you see on 'LOST' heh. Call me crazy but like visions.

to make things worse her boyfriend and his friends have decided to make my local bar I work at their local to drink at, and so has my ex and her friends.

now, I know for a fact my ex and her boyfriend are on the rocks after 3 months.


but here's the final thing (hats off to whoever has read this far)

2 days ago I got the corrage to talk to my ex about us, I said I needed to know where we stand, she said she has moved on and is with her new boyfriend, I understood that but I asked her if there was anything left, she said she didn't see me that way anymore.

It hurt but I knew I had to hear it sometime.

harsh ironay is I told my friend and he said 'yer man its cool, plenty more fish in the sea, you'll be ok' and as he said it his long time girlfriend came and hugged him from behind.


so yer I feel so alone and I feel everyday is a struggle, I've tried everything, drink, drugs, new people, even psycotheraphy.

I just want to be like the old me before I lost Dan.


and for the record I'm back on the booze and drugs...


Is there something I'm missing here?

Advice, anything would be much appretitated.

[caesars charm]

Hi BarryFrank. Sorry you're going through such a hard time right now. Thought I'd just respond to let you know that someone is listening to your cry. I too lost a good friend in a car accident a number of years ago and her Daughter went with her. We were very close friends and it's not easy losing someone you're close to. I was a bit older than you at the time and maybe handled it a bit differently but you should talk to your Family anf friends and try and get it off your chest. Nothing is good bottled up inside. Be open and tell them how you feel and for God sake stay away from drugs and booze. You're so young and maybe right now you might feel like it's the end of the world but it's not. You've got a long life ahead of you yet and believe me a lot of hurt comes with it at times and as you mature you'll learn to deal with things better. Just be strong and don't be so hard on yourself. Just think, would you're friend that you lost want you to be destroying yourself like that. Try and do something good in his memory.

[talaniman]

First off lose the booze and the drugs. They help nothing and stop the growth process you so badly need. You have a lot of grief issues it seems and the only thing I can see helping is time and some hard work on you by you. Losing a friend and a relationship is a lot of changes to go through, but take your time and work on what you can at your own pace. No hurry and leave the stupid juice and dope alone. You must see your ex a lot because of your job but if you don't want to change jobs then you darn better grow up and act as if you have good sense or you'll end up in jail. SAY HI, but leave this female alone. YOU need a life with out her so get busy.

[ordinaryguy]

I just want to be like the old me before i lost Dan.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sad to say, but the old you is gone forever. Losing someone close to you, especially when you're young and it's tragic and sudden, is a life-changing experience. At least it was for me. You can never be quite the same carefree person you were because now you know in your bones that horrible things can happen in the blink of an eye.

But let me quickly add that this doesn't mean that you can never be happy or funloving again, because you can. It's just that healing from such a blow takes time--at least a year, probably longer--and even after you're back to being functional, there still remains a sense of melancholy that comes with experiencing the fragility of life first hand.

Be patient with yourself, and allow yourself to feel the pain and the anger and the anguish. Numbing yourself with drugs and alcohol doesn't really prevent the feelings, it just delays healing and drives them underground where they will manifest later as physical, emotional, and mental problems.

As to your ex, try not to blame her for being unable to go with you through this valley of death. Not everyone is able to be who you need at the time you need them. In truth, no one can go through it FOR you, but some are able to be a comfort to you to one degree or another, so find what comfort you can, where and when you can, and let the rest go.

My heart goes out to you.