[frog_banana]

Hi

My girlfriend and I were together for 2.5 years. I have never so comfortable and complete with someone before and honestly believe she is the one.

Things towards the end of our relationship were hard. We never really worked out a method of communicating that suited us boh - I talk hings to death whereas she preferred to go off on her own and sort things in her own head. I wish we had just given ourselves some time then come back and talked aout why we fought/disagreed so that we were both happy.

We got on so so well, we both were blown away by each other. It was true love. But I got confused and had a really brief fling with another woman - we didn't sleep together but there was a real emotional connection. I told my ex about it because a lot of people knew - we were drunk and in a bar in town a few times. We went on a break a day before I told are and I felt it only right that she knew the whole story if she were deliberating our relationship.

Needless to say she was very upset and we broke up for a week. After that we got back together to give it another try for a week. After that week I had finally managed to sort my head out - I realised I didn't really care for this other woman and my girlfriend was the one for me. I had just felt lost and frustrated with our communication problems and that we are both such busy people with seemingly little time for each other and very different lifestyles - I am a student with a p/t job and vice captain of the uni netball squad and a member of a 2nd netball team with the social life to boot, she works f/t and 3evenings in the week too as well as being in a band. LUnfortunately she was really struggling with what I had done and said it was too hard and we broke up for good.

To begin with it didn't sink in what I had done - I have never cheated in my life and I never will again! I am disgusted with my behaviour but I just got so confused. The woman I cheated with made me laugh and smile and said all the things I needed to hear from my girlfriend. I was naïve and I didn't realise that I should have just sat down with my ex and sorted our problems instead of giving up and drunkenly seeking comfort elsewhere.

The next day (!) she met someone and now they are about to embark upon a relationship after fooling around (a lot) for under 2 weeks. My ex and I have been speaking this week and I'm finding it so hard. She told me tonight about how she really likes this other woman and how this woman now wants to be her girlfriend. I tried to be as much of a friend as I could and asked what she wanted. She said she's really confused and heartbroken over our relationship but she wants this other woman - she "can't stop herself" when it comes to her. To start I said she needs to sort her head before doing anything else with this woman but then I asked her if she made her smile if she misses her when she's not around and if she smiles when she thinks of her. She said yes to all so I said she should prob go for it. She didn't mean to meet this woman - but you can't help who you click with and when can you!

I miss her terribly and am crazy in love with her. I want her back but I know it wouldn't work at the moment. That doesn't stop me wanting her though. We had such beautiful plans for the future and I told her I still believed in that even if now wasn't the right time for us. She agreed and said she is still attracted to me and my personlity, and we get on so so well, she could really see us settling down in the future and spending the rest of her life with me. But right now she's hooked on this other woman and I know that amongst other things would mean we wouldn't work out.

I need to spend time with my friends and make sure I get a good degree but I live in a small city where the gay scene is tiny and everyone knows both me and my ex. Its already really difficult and her and this other woman have only just beome an item. My ex says she is really confused but I put it to her that she was only confused about whether it is wise to start something knew so soon after us. She says she cries every time she is home alone over me and her - just like I have been doing - so she clearly isn't over us.

She is my best friend and I can't just abandon her - her family don't accept her sexuality so she can't rely on them for support - but I don't know how to stop telling her I love her. I know if she is with this other woman in a relationship I will stop because I'm not the kind of person who tries to break up relationships. Im not interested in meeting anyone else either for fun or a relationship but I'm scared I'm going to end living in hope that my ex will turn around and say she is ready for our relationship again. I know things would have to be different -and I don't see how they could be the way they were! - and I know they wouldn't be at the moment because its too soon and it is too messy for one little relationship to handle. I am being silly to think we my have a future? Does it sound like she's feeding me a line to keep me happy? I just don't know how to cope with her being with someone else. I want to be her friend because I care so much for her but that means being OK with her new girlfriend. How do I do that without driving myself mad? I also have been told a lot about this new woman and am scared my ex is going to get badly hurt by her. I can't tell her what I have been told but I don't want to see her get hurt when I might have been able to do something about it. Help!

[NJCUTIE77]

Hi... I read your story and my heart feels for you being that I am going through a similar thing. The only thing I could tell you which is what I am trying to do myself... is the NO CONTACT RULE. In order to heal and think about things and try and focus on YOUR life, you need to just end all contact with this person. I have been through 2 weeks so far with my breakup... You could read my post.. although a different situation, but I am still in love with my boyfriend... you can't help how you feel, but I guess that you could try and make yourself stronger. If this girl still has feelings for you, and you do this NO CONTACT rule, then she might just wonder why you are not speaking to her and have her doubts about her new "woman". No contact is the best way I guess to help yourself.

[talaniman]

Lack of good communications can destroy the best of relationships. This would be a good time to work on those skills or you will pay the price with any relationship you have. Also this seems to be a little out of balance as you seemed to have put more of an emotional investment into this relationship, and that is never a good thing as it tends to smother the partner. You have little choice but to give her space and leave her alone as that's what she wants. Have no contact with her and work on building a life without her, doing the things you like to do. Work on you and as the other poster has said be able to handle life as it is. I do not recommend you hold out a lot of hope to get her back as this will slow down the healing process and open you up to more pain and hurt, but rather concentrate on your own happiness. It may not seem like it now but time and a little work can show you that you still can enjoy your life.

[sallgood]

Hey, I'm so sorry for your break-up, and I understand what you are going through. My adivse, because I guess your kind of aasking for it... is to look at things objectively for a bit. You were in a relationship for 2.5 years and it sounds like the end was a bit on and off... in all honesty this can be extreemly stressful for a person. Take a little bit of time and appreciate being alone... do soemthign good for yourself... go shopping or get your nails done you know... anyhting that you may not have done with your ex. If you still love her but you are not sure if she is feeding you lines about the future... stay friends with her. Ask her not to talk about her new relationship... but approach your relationship as if she were just a good friend. Don't cut ties, its not worth it. People break up every day... its part of life... if things don't work in your favor... what did you learn from her? Probably a whole lot. Take that away with you and be happy you had that time together. And keep an open mind... you may meet someone. If you are scared that the second you meet someone else... your ex will come back to you... well... deal with that situation when it presents itself... You will know at the time whether it is worth staying with the new person. As for living in a small community... I got the impression you are in college or about to graduate? So transfer to a city school or move... find a larger community... sometimes it takes getting out there to realize that there is so much more than your small town... trust me... I know. Or meet someone that's nearby but not in your social circle... there are tons of opportunities. Heads up... this isn't the end of the world... good luck