[Kitten3660]

My sister has moved in with mom who is failing in health. She has health care directive and power of attorney. She got mom to put her on her bank accounts. She has put in new carpet, new stove, will put in new roof, get house painted new windows, My mother although not with disease has been placed on morphine. And taken off her medication. When I asked her doctor why, I was told that my sister has health care directive and they cannot answer any questions. I find this odd that my mother is now on morphine and not being given her heart medication or her blood pressure medication. Now I find that mom removed her from the home under the guise of taking her to lunch. Found out she took mom to a notary to sign a form which gives the house to her and gives her power over the will. The will was written up in 2007 giving all 3 of us siblings the rest of the assetts and to sell the home and divide things up. My sister has been lying to me telling me all will be fair, while behind my back she has changed everything. My poor mother was diagnosed with dementia last year. How can this be fair? I was told that I am not to call 911 for mom, she has even told me that she thinks mom had a stroke. But why then was she not hospitalized. She has had hospice to the house, but my mother is old and now not walking. She has gone down rapidly. Why the morphine, why stop the meds? Why not be allowed to call 911. And with all this she has had mom sign over everything to her? She is very very controlling and pushy and will talk mom into anything. I feel helpless to help mom. I am not surprised she is doing this all the while telling me not to make waves, "to be calm when mom passes" as she will be fair. Its not her will. I asked mom about it as I saw the amendments my sister made, she does not know that I have seen them yet. Mom said she does not remember even signing them. Help please, I am sick about all of this

[mustangchristy77]

My mother is going through the same thing with her mother and my aunt. I would start by getting your own attorney and go from there. I feel that if your mother was diagnosed with dementia that anything she signed or did not sign can be hold up. I will keep you informed if we learn anything new that you can do as well since we are going through the same thing. My mom says that if my aunt can live with how she is acting then so can she.

[stinawords]

I actually have quite a bit of experience in this believe it or not. There are a couple reasons that she would be on morphine and not other medication. The biggest one that comes to mind first is that she is on "comfort measures" only. Which means to keep her comfortable while she remains alive. Hospice is called when a person is basically ready to die. Hospice companies do not prolong life they just make the best of what remains. One of the requirements is that the person be "no code". Which would be why they told you not to call 911. You are not the POA so for the dr. or anyone in that office to tell you anything would be a HIPPA violation. Those things are taken very seriously. Now, as far as documentation that your mother signed after being diagnoced and what not you may want to get your own lawyer to fight in court about their validity. However, having the POA put on a bank account is really more the norm than the exception. What happens with the money would have to benefit your mother obviously, did she need a new oven? Does her roof need repaired or replaced? Those are the types of questions that would be asked if you challenge what happens with the money.

[Kitten3660]

Thank you, you explained quite a bit to me and I am very thankgul

I actually have quite a bit of experience in this believe it or not. There are a couple reasons that she would be on morphine and not other medication. The biggest one that comes to mind first is that she is on "comfort measures" only. Which means to keep her comfortable while she remains alive. Hospice is called when a person is basically ready to die. Hospice companies do not prolong life they just make the best of what remains. One of the requirements is that the person be "no code". Which would be why they told you not to call 911. You are not the POA so for the dr. or anyone in that office to tell you anything would be a HIPPA violation. Those things are taken very seriously. Now, as far as documentation that your mother signed after being diagnoced and what not you may want to get your own lawyer to fight in court about their validity. However, having the POA put on a bank account is really more the norm than the exception. What happens with the money would have to benefit your mother obviously, did she need a new oven? Does her roof need repaired or replaced? Those are the types of questions that would be asked if you challenge what happens with the money.

[cdad]

I actually have quite a bit of experience in this believe it or not. There are a couple reasons that she would be on morphine and not other medication. The biggest one that comes to mind first is that she is on "comfort measures" only. Which means to keep her comfortable while she remains alive. Hospice is called when a person is basically ready to die. Hospice companies do not prolong life they just make the best of what remains. One of the requirements is that the person be "no code". Which would be why they told you not to call 911. You are not the POA so for the dr. or anyone in that office to tell you anything would be a HIPPA violation. Those things are taken very seriously. Now, as far as documentation that your mother signed after being diagnoced and what not you may want to get your own lawyer to fight in court about their validity. However, having the POA put on a bank account is really more the norm than the exception. What happens with the money would have to benefit your mother obviously, did she need a new oven? Does her roof need repaired or replaced? Those are the types of questions that would be asked if you challenge what happens with the money.

I would like to address one part of this. The part about "no code". In some areas it may go by a different name or the acrynim of DNR. Do Not Resesitate. And for many it is a choice they make when in a critical situation. It may have been something discussed with the doctor or even with your sister in advance. Many people leave a DNR hanging in a common place (like on the fridge) so should paramedics show up they can find it. Please keep in mind it's a personal choice and in talking about it many don't feel comfortable.