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little evil · Dec 3, 2006, 04:40 PM

I have no idea what to do any more. The man I live with is a drug addict, abusive and just plain cruel. I've tried the shelters but their full. Also, you have to have a police referral. But that's a joke. Every time they come out, they make him go downstairs. They took pictures of my face and neck where he scratched me while he choked me. But they didn't arrest him. I have a job but it pays little. If I don't pay the utilities, I won't have any. I'm trying to get a second job but haven't had any luck yet. It's getting worse and worse. I'm just so depressed and have no idea what to do. People tell me I need to get out but how?

Allheart · Dec 3, 2006, 04:49 PM

Hi,

Oh my. First, I am so sorry. So very sorry. Okay, the shelters are all full. Did they advise you what to do?? There has to be alternate shelters. I quickly went on the internet and not sure if the below would help, but it sure can't hurt. Please give them a call or a place similar. There has got to be a safe place for you. Please stay in touch.

National Domestic Violence Hotline:
(for abuse victims outside North Dakota) 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Fr_Chuck · Dec 3, 2006, 05:49 PM

Talk to the officers shift supervisor, under federal law, officers must, they have to arrest someone if there is physcial signs of abuse.

It went into force when I was still a officer, we used to just take someone to a shelter but we had to start arresting someone, or do a 10 plus page report why we did not, and if more violence happened after we left, and had not arrested, we could be held liable for not arresting someone.

Get out, just don't go back, find a co worker, sleep in your car, don't go back to a abusive home

JoeCanada76 · Dec 3, 2006, 06:29 PM

He is living with you. You pay the utilities. Stop paying the utilities. Does he work. Does he have his name on anything? You have filed several reports. I hope you got pictures as well. I am with father. I think that you should talk to a superviser. Any signs of abuse they should arrest him, unless you tell the cop it is okay and you won't press charges because they will ask you that, or should. If you back down and do not press charges then it is your own fault and your being your worst enemy. Please get out. You might not get another chanch. When you do get out, do not leave any form of address or whereabouts. There are ways of protection so you do not have to worry about this man again. There are more important things then worrying about the utilities. Your life is more important. Shelters are full, there must be other options for you. It is get out or end up being killed. Which one do you want.

chuff · Dec 3, 2006, 10:39 PM

Originally Posted by little evil

I have no idea what to do any more. The man I live with is a drug addict, abusive and just plain cruel. I've tried the shelters but their full. Also, you have to have a police referral. But that's a joke. Every time they come out, they make him go downstairs. They took pictures of my face and neck where he scratched me while he choked me. But they didn't arrest him. I have a job but it pays little. If I don't pay the utilities, I won't have any. I'm trying to get a second job but haven't had any luck yet. It's getting worse and worse. I'm just so depressed and have no idea what to do. People tell me I need to get out but how?

Hey evil I've got a suggestion that might help you get away from him and find a job. During the summer I work at a seasonal resort. With my job I'm provided a free apartment and food. Some positions they will charge you for food or provide housing but it can be taken right out of your check. I'm a manager but our servers and bartenders absoulutely kill me when it comes to making money. We hire and train servers (bartenders are promoted where I work but I'm sure some places hire them directly) and if you've got an outgoing personality you could land a position such as this. That being said that isn't the only thing available, store clerks, front desk associates, housekeepers, maintence tour guides, porters and bunch of other positions are offered depending on the location you work at. The island just closed a about a month ago for the summer but I know there are several places in Colorado, West Virginia, and Florida that offer the same type of arrangement.

chuff · Dec 3, 2006, 10:49 PM

A girl I work with, Kate was kicked out of her house when she was 16 and was literally living in her car and doing acid for over a year when she started working for us. She some how quit doing drugs on her own and has come back for 5 or 6 seasons. She has totally turned her life around and she keeps most of her money because she gets a free apartment and free food due to her position which she has been promoted too. I'm telling you that this is a way out because I work with someone who was in a similar situation and turned it around. I know yo can too but the first thing you've got to do is leave that guy.

little evil · Dec 4, 2006, 07:56 PM

He works with our landlord. Of course, the landlord has no idea how he really is. Trying to talk to him is a joke. The boyfriend puts on one of the best false faces I've ever seen. I don't know if talking to any higher ups would work at the time of the last incident, I didn't have a driver's licence. So, it's been about 2 weeks since it happened. The female officer told me that if she had to come out again she'd arrest me. What for I have no clue. Cluff, I would really be interested in the info about jobs.

Thank all of you, It's good not to feel so alone.
L.E.

chuff · Dec 4, 2006, 09:06 PM

Cluff here. For some reason reading Cluff made me laugh really hard for about 3 or 4 minutes straight.

Anyway here are a couple links.
www.seasonalemployment.com
www.skiingthenet.com
www.steamboat.com

Many of our staff go here for the winter... www.snowshoemtn.com

Probably the one that is used the most is... www.coolworks.com

Hope that helps.

Bluerose · Dec 4, 2006, 09:37 PM

L.E.

That sounds great. Good luck. Let us know how you got on if you can.
You are not alone. Okay?

little evil · Dec 6, 2006, 02:39 PM

O.k. chuff, LOL at cluff too. I'll see about those jobs. Thanks so much everyone. It helps to know that I'm not alone. The boyfriend has done a good job of isolating me but I'm slowly breaking out a little at a time.

Bluerose · Dec 6, 2006, 03:50 PM

That's good to here. Good luck and take care.

chuff · Dec 6, 2006, 05:11 PM

Originally Posted by little evil

O.k., chuff, LOL at cluff too. I'll see about those jobs. Thanks so much everyone. It helps to know that I'm not alone. The bf has done a good job of isolating me but I'm slowly breaking out a little at a time.

Couple things. I knew there was another place that I couldn't think of the other night and that is http://www.coppercolorado.com/jobs . Many of our summer people go there for the winter.

Second thing is that I read an article recently that stated nothing has meaning unless we choose to give it meaning. I believe there is a lot of truth that. I'm sure your boyfriend has done his part isolating you but you in an attempt to make you feel lonely and dependent upon him but you have chosen to give his words and actions those meanings. What if you changed the meanings. For example, If he says you can't stand on your own two feet, instead of believing it or taking it to heart change the meaning to he is afraid of losing me so much that when I make the attempt or threat to leave he feels he must build up a wall a protect himself. That way the meaning of the statement, along with it's intended pain and hurt are on him. The reality is, it's also probably the truth.