[dnotegirl]

My boyfriend got too physical with me a tried to have sex with me. I told him to stop. He got on top of me and tried to penetrate me but couldn't. For some reason, he didn't get an erection, so I was wondering why he was even trying. His soft member's tip must have gotten in briefly or something because I felt some pressure down there. But my hymen is still intact, I didn't really feel any pain and we didn't have sex. I know for sure that he didn't enter me fully. So am I still a virgin?

[justcurious55]

If he didn't penetrate, I would say no. I would also say, if you were saying "no" and he was still trying to force himself on you, it's time for a new, respectful boyfriend. Kick this guy to the curb. No means no. and there's no excuses for not respecting that.

[smoothy]

You know technically... what he did could very well considered attempted rape since you kept saying no and he forced his way anyhow... even if he never actually penitrated you.

You really need to take a long hard look at who you date... and get far away from him... before he does clearly rape you.

And rape is defined by if you gave explicit consent or not to the act... Which you clearly didn't because you said no... not just once, but repeatedly.

There are guys in jail for doing less than that.

[Gemini54]

It's highly likely you're still a virgin if there was no penetration and your hymen is still intact - but I'd ditch the BF. He doesn't sound like someone to lose your virginity with.

[Sean Crane]

Dump da bastard, and don't worry you are still a virgin.

[Larken85]

DUMP HIS DUMB ! Stay as far away from him as possible. If he is willing to rape you then he is willing to beat you. How can you even still call him your boyfriend? Just because it didn't happen all the way? Had he actually raped you, would you not have left him then? Well here is a clue, he will rape you if you don't give it up. He has already proven that. And I'm sure losing your virginity already hurts enough without a brutal beating along with it. He needs to be turned in and if you are still a minor you should tell your parents like right now. Protect yourself. If you get raped you will never be the same. Don't be a victim!!

Edited some totally incorrect statements

[dnotegirl]

My boyfriend knew that I wanted to remain a virgin until I got married. However, he pressured me one night into letting him give me oral sex. He was like, "I just want to please you, it's not like I've ever asked you to do me." So, I said okay. He said, "I promise, just let me do it for 5 minutes and if it's not the best thing that you have ever felt then I won't ask you to do any more physical stuff." But as soon as I got my pants off, he only went down for like 15 seconds and then he pounced on me and put his tip in. I told him "NO, I don't want to do this... you promised." He just kept going, and saying, "trust me, trust me". I kept telling him, "please, this hurts, it's too much." But he was always like, "I'm on soft (meaning not fully erect) and I'm not even halfway in." Every time I tried to push him out he would threaten to go in more and "tear my P%^sy up." He only went in most of the way once, as a threat so that I would stop struggling for fear of the pain. I was in shock about what was happening. Afterwards, he kept saying that he was not trying to take advantage of me and was I mad. I did check later and my hymen is still intact. So, would you guys say that I am a virgin or no? I told my parents and my dad said that I had "ruined my life and signed away my virginity, that my innocence was gone." Please give me your honest opinion of my situation.

[Synnen]

Penis in vagina equals not a virgin.

DUMP YOUR BOYFRIEND!

What he just did was rape.

And considering your history with him, I can't believe you fell for his crap that it was all about you.

GET OUT!

Your dad's a jerk too--he should have been more supportive of you and less worried about your virginity.

Get rid of the boyfriend and keep your pants on.


PS---how old are you?

[kirriky]

My honest opinion about your situation is that your boyfriend raped you, and that it was no accident on his part, or 'getting carried away' or anything, because he had tried this thing before. Plus all those threats, and force, he's a jerk and a criminal, I think you should definitely go to the police about it. (By the way, your dad sounds like a jerk too).

Where do you live? All that 'save yourself for marriage' thing and your dad's reaction might suggest you live in a place where law enforcement, and even your family, wouldn't be of much help. If, however, you're in the UK/US, I would suggest going to the police and putting the jerk behind bars.

[Aurora_Bell]

Wow. I would say if he penetrated fully even once, than no you aren't a virgin, but your jerk off boyfriend needs to be put in jail, where he can be threatened, and be taken advantage of. What he did was rape, and your father, well he sounds like a jerk off too. Parents are supposed to protect their children, not make them feel worse for something that was out of their control. Ditch the jerk, and tell the police.

[Alty]

I did check later and my hymen is still intact.

Wow, I've never met anyone that can do this. Most doctors can't even tell for sure.

You were raped. It's time to report this guy. At the very least you need to stay away from him.

Also, your dad should be reported. You were raped and all he can think about is the fact that you're no longer a virgin? What a jerk.

[Larken85]

What the heck? Come on girl he is raping you. Get out of there and get him thrown behind bars where a big guy named Jim will show him who is boss in the bed room. I doubt he will think it is very funny to be anal raped.

Secondly your father, I know that some family have odd formalities, but everyone in this world should know that virginity is not a way to judge character. I am so sick of that mind set. This is an idiotic beliefe. (sorry to say it.)

[asking]

I agree with everyone else here. Your boyfriend is a officially a rapist, whether he gets punished for it or not. And I think he ought to.

Your dad should be ashamed for even thinking of criticizing you. You did nothing wrong except trust the bad boyfriend. Your father should be defending and supporting you; that's his job as your parent.

You sound young and I think we all wish we could help you. Is there someone in your life you can talk to about this? A sympathetic aunt or teacher? School counselor?

We are very sorry this happened to you. You did nothing wrong.

[smoothy]

Your hymen being intact has nothing to do with being a virgin. Sometimes they don't break right away... sometimes they get broken as a child. And Like Alty said... its not always clear.

Besides that... rape doesn't require vaginal penetration... nor does it require him to complete the act. All it takes is him persisting in his attempts after he is told to stop.

[asking]

Whether your hymen is intact or you are a "virgin" all depends on who is counting and how they define the word. In other words, it depends on who wants to know. If you want to think of yourself as a virgin, you should.

Morally, it does not matter at all either way. You are a good person. Having had someone do something bad to you does not make you a bad person. You are still good.

What we are all trying to say is we do not want someone else's definition of "virgin" to determine how you feel about yourself.

Rape is deeply disrespectful and humiliating because you are losing control over what happens to your own body. I hope you see that what happened to you is not about you, but about your boyfriend's lack of respect. You deserve complete respect at all times.

Take care.

[hheath541]

I'm basically going to end up repeating what has already been said.

You were raped. If you live in an area where it's safe for to do so, you need to report him. His actinos tell me that he's done this before, and will do so again. Dump him and report him to the authorities.

Your father is a jerk. He should be angry at the BOY and WORRIED about you. Rather or not you're still a virgin shouldn't have anything to do with it.

The way I see it, you lose your virginity when you have consensual sex, of any kind, with someone else. Your hymen doesn't have anything to do with it. Some girls aren't even born with one. Riding a bike or a horse, running, climbing trees, playing sports, basically any vigorous physical activity can break your hymen.

[Larken85]

She isn't medically a virgin but she is still a virgin. You do not have to be medically a virgin to have your innosence. This is what virginity actually is, innosence. Not blood, not vagina, not entry. Innosence. That is true virginity. Rape is a very touchy subject with me and you don't just go telling someone they are worthless (which by saying they lost their innocense in some cultures is. We never know where the op is from and I would strongly advise more tact when dishing out advice Judy). Its not a good way to go about it.

dnotegirl, rape is not your fault, and you should never feel dirty because of it. The guy needs a serious case of go to prison, but you still have your innosence, you're still a virgin in my eyes. I wish you well and I seriously suggest better protecting yourself. (learn kong foo :) )


*** edited out negative comments about another member

[JoeCanada76]

Your still a virgin. Plain in simple. This whatever it entailed is rape plain and simple. Whether he penetrated anything or not. Your still a virgin.

As far as checking your hymen there is no way of checking it, but like others have stated. Hymen can break in many different ways that have nothing to do with sexual activity.

[hheath541]

Your still a virgin. Plain in simple. This whatever it entailed is rape plain and simple. Whether he penetrated anything or not. Your still a virgin.

As far as checking your hymen there is no way of checking it, but like others have stated. Hymen can break in many different ways that have nothing to do with sexual activity.

Back 200-300 years ago, girls of the upper classes were only considered virgins if they bled on their wedding night, meaning the hymen had been broken. They led very sedate and quiet lives, though. Girls didn't ride horses or run or rough house. They started learning how to sew and spin and cook as soon as they could walk. They simply didn't DO anything that might accidentally break their hymen.

Now, girls do all kinds of things that can, and do, break their hymen before they're even old enough to know what sex is. If you've ever ridden a bike or a horse, it's almost guaranteed that your hymen is no longer intact. If you've ever played sports, even just for fun as a kid and never on an actual team. If you've ever climbed trees or done anything that required stretching of your lower abdominal region, like ballet or gymnastics. If you've ever fallen and landed on your butt. They're all things that can break your hymen without you ever even noticing. Not ever girl even bleeds when her hymen breaks, and some girls simply aren't born with one.

[JoeCanada76]

It is really sad that the same very thought at times still exist in our society that the hymen has to be broken and has to bleed to prove virginity, which is obviously untrue now a days.