[Dan1471]

Entire story merged

Hi
Me and my ex girlfriend broke up a month ago, its been hard for me because it hurt so much, we used to talk every day up until now after the breakup. But we used to argue all the time over nothing. And her answers to questions or things I said was very short one to a few words. But she said that she isn't in love with me anymore, but she said she would love to keep the pictures of me , some of which are naked. I asked if she could delete the pictures but she promised me she wouldn't show anybody and would love to keep them. So I'm so confused over this , why she wants to keep them in the first place if she isn't in love with me. Has she got some kind of plan to do something with them ? I've kept her pictures just in case she does something. But I really want to delete them for some kind of closure because I want to get over her, and move on.

[Romefalls19]

Delete her pictures, especially if you are planning revenge. There is an old saying, when planning revenge make sure to dig two graves.

For whatever reason she wants to keep the pictures, simply tell her to delete them immediately. Then go NC.

[kctiger]

Future reference: be extremely careful of any pictures you take while naked. They can usually come back to bite you on the butt!

[Dan1471]

Thanks so much for the replys

[dynocompe]

I have made a few videos/pictures with past girlfriends, and they have never left my possession! I would never let them have them. I know there safe with me! Maybe something to consider for the future, only agree to it, if you keep them at all times.

If you have pictures of her, I highly doubt her intentions are going to be bad with your pictures, as you could turn around and do the same to her.
But you never know!

[Dan1471]

I got her to delete the pictures, or at least she told me she has. I have deleted hers too.
We had a massive argument after as well that lasted an hour or so. Some really bad things was said mainly by me. But oh well. Life goes on. I don't think we will talk again in the future ! Maybe for the best

[RedBluePink]

It is for the best. Time will past and it will be a thing of the past, just give it some time and try your hardest not to talk to her, talking to her will only slow down your breakup progress and probably confuse you even more.

[Dan1471]

Threads merged

Ok well two months ago me and my ex broke up, we didn't speak for these two months, I was sure that we wouldn't talk again , and was moving on, and I think she was doing the same because she has been with some other guy during that time. But we recently met, and started talking again. She had some questions to ask me to make her mind at ease, so I did answer them. We both ended up saying that we still loved each other still, and that we hoped that we could get back together again. So we talked through what went wrong last time etc. We have currently been talking every day for the past week, but yesterday I got jealous because she what looked like to me was flirting with another guy she talks to a lot, she said it was just friend talk and assured me that he is just a friend and told me I was jealous when I confronted her. Which is true I guess because I guess I was trying to make her reassure me that I was the one she wants, and I guess I was trying to show that she was mine, even though we aren't together. Which she then jokingly made fun of me when I told her that. Before she went to sleep because we talked on the phone she said she wish I could be there with her to cuddle etc, and she said she loves me , which is the first time she has said that to me before hanging up.
I'm a little confused because she says she needs time to think if she wants to be together with me again, even though that's what she said she wants. How long should I wait around for, I do love her a lot. But I guess I see things differently , that I think we both want the same thing so I'm ready to commit again now and get back together already, so I'm not so sure I understand what she needs time for.

[Larken85]

She could just need time. Just give it to her. The break up probably hurt and she is probably recovering still. Comfort her and make her really want you again. Make sure she knows that she will not be setting herself up for another train wreck.

[brokenarrow]

She is reaching out to you but it sounds like she is also hesitant. I would take things slow with her and try not to push her or be too demanding.

By taking things slow maybe you could try to hang out like when you first met and slowly try to rebuild the feelings that were there between you.

You can reassure her that you want to be with her as well and you love her but as Larken85 said she could just need a bit more time and that would be the best thing you can do for her.

I think patience will be your best friend right now. Try not to rush it as best you can.

[Dan1471]

I think I'm pretty bad at doing that haha ! Got any tips ?
I try tell her how much I want her back etc, but I think that maybe scaring her more...
Not really sure how to go about this, it's the first time I've thought about getting back with a ex again.. I don't want to push it too much or too little

[talaniman]

I could write a book about all the post here that start like yours, " we broke up, but we talk every day, so how much space should I give her, and how long will it take for her to come back?".

As long as your available whenever she wants, then things will never change, and you will be there when she needs someone, but without a title, and commitment, but still there until something else catches her fancy. Then she can go for it because, your just a friend, and have been dumped already.

It happens all the time when a break up happens, and if 2 freaking months is not time enough for her to make up her mind, then tough S**T!!

Now is when you stop the game, by disappearing from her life, and end this talk everyday, getting your head filled with GOO-GOO talk designed solely to keep your nose open, and your a$$ hanging, while she is free as a bird for other options.

You have my permission to get out of that corner, and see that as you found her, you will find another but, better because you are wiser, and smarter, after being punked by this female.

She calls everyday to make sure you can't roam around, and be happy without her.

[Dan1471]

Oh it didn't post all I wrote in the comment!. "i think you missunderstood abit ! We hadn't spoke for two months, but then we started too again for like 8 days now or what ever it is. But we started arguing again, and she seems to be spending a lot of time with another guy and talking to him a lot. She says they are just friends but I don't believe her, especially as she says she isn't sure what she wants anymore.. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't really feel like taking that risk. And you are right in saying disappear from her life, I'm just dragging out the healing stage if I stay in this situation! It hasn't felt the same since we started to talk again either, I have feelings etc for her and love her, but I can't see it working out. It seems like there is a lot to work on if we were to try make it work, but I feel like I'm the only one who was trying, But I guess that's how it is when you try to get back together with a ex partner. I just got to have the courage to leave without hesitation even if it is hard, I don't even think I ow her an explanation either. Not sure what you guys think ! OK rant over

[talaniman]

Not sure what u guys think

I think your seeing what you have to do, and I agree, you owe her no explanation.

Ranting is okay. Makes me feel better when I do it.

[Dan1471]

Threads merged

I not so long ago posted on here about my ex, I took the advice you all gave me, and she did actually come back to me because she had time to think.
Now here's the problem we have been together for maybe abit over 2 months, everything was going good until just the past few days, she has gone cold and distant towards me. Hardly wants to talk to me or say anything to me, yet she is fine talking with her friends. I found out the reason why yesterday, she suffering from depression again because she has been ill for a few weeks, her dad has just been diagnosed with cancer, and now going through treatment. She herself is getting treatment for her being ill and depression.
Now I know I should be understanding and I'm trying, but she was so warm and loving to me up until a few days ago. She explained she is sad and nothing makes her happy at the moment, and so her words was , I can't be what you want me to be and that I can't force her to says things like she loves me and show affection.
But this morning she had changed her passwords to something she used to let me go on, and always used to tell me if she changed it.
And I'm starting to get the feeling she is avoiding me, I haven't tried to contact her other then this morning when I said hi, but she just wrote back have to go to work now , bye and then left. Im not sure it's a good idea to confront her about her changing her password because it is hers and I don't want to seem like I'm spying on her by asking why she did it.
I don't want to break up with her, but I think maybe she is going to with me , or am I reading these kind of signs wrong ?
I know she is going through a lot and I want to be a support to her, let her know she is welcome to come to me.
She says a lot she doesn't want to talk about it.
Also am I being paranoid that she is secretly seeing someone else ?

[talaniman]

For whatever reason a few things are becoming quite apparent. For one she deals with her personal problems by distancing herself from you, and that makes you needy, insecure, and confused about the relationship, instead of backing off and giving her space to deal with her issues.

That what happens when you take an ex back and expect things to go back to the way things were when the good times are rolling but can't figure out how to handle the bad times when they come around.

You sure aren't on the same page about what to do about it, and it looks like its going to be awhile before the issues are solved if you stay together that long.

Right now, without communicating, and working together, instead of ignoring the problem (both your faults, her in not sharing, and you being insecure) backing off is all you can do.

Sorry guy, looks like you got back o the roller coaster and away we go again.

NC didn't bring her back, your breaking NC got you sucked back in to this drama.

Google depression, and educate yourself to what's going on.

[Ther4peuticH3at]

I'd say back off a bit. Let her go through w/e it is and if she wants to talk, let her be the one to bring it up.

Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. You might have to let this one go.

[Dan1471]

Thanks for the replys, so do you think I should say, I am here for you if you need to talk, or just be around. And then leave it at that and just let her contact me ?

[talaniman]

Why do you feel the need to say anything? Why can't you do something else, and let her come to you when she is ready, willing, and able?

Don't you get it yet? Its your constant need to fix things, and be there that's part of the pressure of pushing her away, and this is after you broke NC from the first break up. Tell us, and be honest, how you even got back together, and how you resolved what broke you up before??

My guess is one of you agreed to try again, and that was it, and the same thing is happening again. Yes its very easy to enjoy the good times, but what you do during the tough times is what defines you as a couple. Read these stories here about how fantastic things are when its going great, but the hard times are what leads to the break ups. It's a warning that you can't work together, through honest communications, and that takes you both to do that. She obviously is NOT! Nor is she willing. Or if she is, then you don't know what your part is and can't do anything about it.

Which is it??

Explain it to me.

[Dan1471]

She actually come back to me, because I kept to the nc rules (untill she contacted me ofcourse), and told me she still loved me etc, so we talked about what went wrong and both said if it happens again which it has now, we will try to work on it. I gave her some space as well didn't talk to her for a few days so she could decide if this is what she wanted. Then she did ask to be with me again.

But I can see what you say in that she is distancing herself from me, and by me always needing to talk to her or say something its pushing her further away .

I want to be a support, but we don't communicate about what's going on because she doesn't want to. So yes I'm not really too sure how to be acting. Other than the advice you just gave me, and give her space, but I didn't think I should be not doing anything and leaving her on her own. But from your responses that is what I have to do