[dcruz69]

I am not sure if I have a question, I just think I need to let something out. I am hurting so bad right now and I am not sure if I am mental like my husband said. I love him so much and I am going through a slight depression right now in regards to dental work right now so I feel a little low in self esteem, I actually am very sexual - I think I am in my peak @ 33. I always thought he lacked in the want to @ the age of 36. We have talked and things improved slightly, and then my night of depression - I went to bed and I woke up a few hours later and noticed he wasn't in bed. I thought maybe he fell asleep on the couch upstairs, so I then got up to go wake him to come to bed. He wasn't there so I went back downstairs to find him in the computer room watching porno. I asked him if he was enjoying himself and he looked like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I have watched porn with him before and I had no problem with it and he does go offshore and I know even when he says he doesn't watch it - I know deep inside he does. But to know he is while I am in the next room sleeping... it truly hurts. I got so angry and lashed out at
Him. We both said some pretty cruel things and I feel bad about it and I think he does. I thought our marriage was really good - I mean we have had our disagreements, and my tantrums. We made up before he went back offshore, but I can't forget it and it hurts so bad. I can't help wondering if there is more he isn't telling me.. . I don't know what to do, please help

Dana

[valinors_sorrow]

Looking at porn is not necessarily the end of the world, although you can use this as a good wake up call. Back up a little and consider this: You may be in need of a little relationship makeover. If you are always pursuing sex or the one up for it, then he has precious little chance of feeling the need to chase it, which can be a BIG part of male foreplay. Sometimes couples become familiar with each other in a way that makes sex just one more chore on the list-- ugh! You might need to tease him and then deny him occasionally to keep this interesting. Look to your feminine intuition. Become beguiling in the good sense. Develop a sexual side of you he has not met and the variety offered in pornography might not have such allure to him. Change is good so set aside your hurt feelings for a while and put the play back into foreplay. Just a thought?

[talaniman]

All couples no matter how well adjusted go through a rut. Doing something different or engaging in things you both enjoy on the spur of the moment can bring those good ole feelings back and get you out of that rut. Being creative is the key I think as well as surprising your partner with little fun loving things. A bottle of wine with a sandwich at the park, or just feeding the pigeons at the lake. Something that shakes up the routine a little. Also you could probably be due for some fun private time all by yourself to lift the gloom from your attitude and see things in a more positive way instead of worrying about what your husband could be hiding. As for the porn if he is restless at night it could be he feels the rut also. Work together and get out of this rut and all other by having fun.