[brendae73]

:( me and my mother in law had a argument about two months ago, she lives right next to me, anyway she thinks she has to run my family well now it is causeing problems in my marriage. I have been married for 16 years and this is the first time we have talked about divorce, we have never even fought before. My husband keeps telling me if I can't get along with his mom and dad then we cannot work things out, I won't to move and he said no I have to stay or we can't work it out. She always tells him a different story and he believes her, this is happening to my sister in law to she also had a argument with her on the same day. Her husband is standing by her, I don't allow my mother in law in my house, she sneaks when I am gone though.she has been telling family members that me and my husband are getting a divorce and that I cheat on him, which I don't I have been with him since I was 16 years old and only him, now I don't know what to do, he don't traet me the same even our teen age daughter has ask me why I stay with him, she has heard some of the things he says to me .she also heard him say if I wonted to move then me and the kids could go but he was not going to. I have started to look for a job because I have never had to work, now he just gives me gro. Money and verey little of that. He puts his paycheck in a saveings account at his work so I can't get to it.he started this right after the fight.am I being a fool hopeing things will be like they use to between use, he already said he don't think they can, and he don't know if he wonts me to stay or leave, he always says where do I think I can go I have no job I would have to go back to my moms! That hurts!sometimes he wonts to work it out and sometimes he says he don't know!! help please!! I think I am slowly dying inside

[beanster]

Well,face it:you have mama's boy and he is not going to change unless he really wants to but you have to lay down the rules.I do think that you have to move away and put some distance between her and your family and yourself and he has to choose between you and her.Don't be afraid of that although it might hurt now but in the long run you will be better off.If he chooses his mom then you know where you are.He refuses to grow up.

[s_cianci]

You don't elaborate too much on what the specific problems are between you and your mother-in-law. Without a little more information in that regard, it's hard to answer your question. I think that maybe your husband is a little resentful of that fact that you can't get along with his parents. Again, since you didn't say why, it's hard to know for sure. I wonder if there are other issues in your marriage that need to be addressed, besides the mother-in-law saga? It seems like there may be. Give it some thought.

[valinors_sorrow]

My sympathies to you. I would move out. My husband and I come from very dysfunctional families and made an agreement long ago for exactly the reason listed in your post. He deals with his family, I deal with mine and the first person to attempt to put a wedge between us is out. That way there is no playing us off on each other. It worked so well with mine that I am now estranged from them LOL but that tells you what their intentions were. It also works well for my husband who is still involved with his family. I doubt its something your husband would be open to but you can suggest it just before you walk out the door? Just a thought. The relationship to protect first is between husband and wife, and respective families a close second. Anything less than that is either a miracle or belongs on a soap opera, from what I can see of how it works.

[talaniman]

Pack a bag and visit mom for a while and have a little vacation where you don't have his crap to deal with. Does wonders to clear your head AND give him a chance to see what important to him.

[Krs]

Ive seen this with mum in-laws. My dads mum was an interfering, dominating women, who tried to ruin my parents relationship, marriage. She interfered in everything, the house they bought, the schooling of the kids, everything...
I don't think she ever liked my mum from day 1... as in her eyes my mum took her only son away from her...
To cut a LONG story short, mum always told me that if dad didn't stick by my mums side, their relationship would have crumbled years ago.

My dad loved his mum, she is mother after all, but he didn't respect her, because he saw all the friction that his mum was trying to cause between them as a couple, and the things she used to say about my mum, the lies... she also accused my mum of having an affair once. She didn't like my mum period! She faked she liked her, then said all these bad things about her. My dad respected his wife (my mum) more and loved her more too. She was the mother of his kids. This caused a major lot of stress on my dad, and its still crushes me when I say my dad passed away 2 years ago, he had cancer, all stress related!! NOW I KNOW WHY :(

So what I'm saying is that if your husband can't believe or take his wife's side, and sticks by his mother, you know that this relationship isn't going to work.

[lolitta]

I know what you re talking about. I am also in the same kind of situation, if not worse. My mum-in-law interferes in just everything, she even comes and cook in my house at least twice a week and expect everybody to eat her food including my children (and not mine). Sometimes I feel like I am some kind of househelp and she the mother to my kids. And she does it all with the excuse she just wants to help. Sometimes my hubby intervenes, sometimes not. But I have come to realise that at the end of the day it is not the husbands problem. They will never see it the same way we do. It is their mothers for heavens sake and they do love them. They might try to protect us, stand by us, but not all of them are strong enough to go the extremes. My husband belong to this category. And I think your husband too. So I think in such a case, it is up to us. Either you find a way to deal with the situation or you let go. Believe me, mother-in-laws re real marriage killers. My marriage is failing today for a lot of other reasons, but I would say SHE is also a big part of it all. I have decided to leave my husband. Sometimes, leaving is not the best solution, I would suggest it only if you have really tried everything. And if your man can't get it, then he won't. You know, they say you know what you had only after losing it.U HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT U WANT: IT IS UR DECISION AND NOT UR HUSBAND'S OR MOTHER-IN-LAW's. IN THIS CASE, ONLY U CAN HELP Yourself.I wish you luck.