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totallylost07 · Jun 3, 2009, 05:25 PM

I was at your spot and I messed up and had to start over. What you described is exactly how I feel and its normal... I guess. Lol like what everyone... time should help.

talaniman · Jun 3, 2009, 05:31 PM

she can validate her decision and think "Boy why did I waste my time with me" I feel like Im losing my mind sometimes.

She will do to another, what she has done to you. Poor guy, he doesn't know yet, so pray for him, and be glad its not you.

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 05:32 PM

I realize that. But fell in hell right now. I am a pretty rational guy and feel this is so beyond my understanding. Not sure I believe in fate, I think more about conscienceness and making decisions rationally.

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 05:41 PM

Thanks, that's a way I've been trying to look at it. She prides herself in making sure everyone knows how successful, loving and what a good person she is. I feel pretty deceived in a way & its not helping to mend my heart right now. I guess it the jealousy of the unknown.

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 05:52 PM

Yeah, lonely&broken, when I called her on how she can say she loved me right to the end, she said " I dont know how the heart works sometimes"
I was floored.

Lonelyandbroken · Jun 3, 2009, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Yeah, lonely&broken, when I called her on how she can say she loved me right to the end, she said " I dont know how the heart works sometimes"
i was floored.

I think that saying just becomes a routine. I always get crap over not saying I love you that much. But at least I have said it I've meant it with everything I am..

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 06:01 PM

Yup, and I truly believed that from her. Makes me feel pretty insecure and blind in not recognizing.

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 06:10 PM

I had photos & love notes from her posted around my place. It helped in times we were apart. I even carried the first note visabally in my wallet that said "I Love you so much, you are amazing, i want you in my life". During our breakup discussions, I was blubbering and said "What am I supposed to do with all of these" She said crying, "I dont know, whatever makes you feel better" I just couldn't believe how cold that was & how much that hurt. (since then, I have put them all away) But still blows my mind of how callous.

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 06:31 PM

Sorry, Im still venting, but on a similar note, a couple days after she dropped the bomb, I had texted her (because I felt so scared to call) that I wanted to talk. Its was too late in the day & she said that she would call me that eve. Got a text that read "I can't talk right now, but want you to know that I am thinking of you & I hope you are getting some support, i know hard hard this is..." I know how easily emails & texts can be misconstrued, but I was so freaking hurt by that. How can she be so cowardly and cold & give advise as I was falling apart. Im sure she didn't want to know how much pain Im feeling, but c'mon, to start to give me advise in getting over it. I keep running this all through my mind...

totallylost07 · Jun 3, 2009, 06:32 PM

If you think that is bad.. read my story randomness...

Just don't fall into my path because you feel like you do now... please stick to the NC

Lonelyandbroken · Jun 3, 2009, 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Sorry, Im still venting, but on a similar note, a couple days after she dropped the bomb, i had texted her (because I felt so scared to call) that I wanted to talk. Its was too late in the day & she said that she would call me that eve. Got a text that read "I can't talk right now, but want you to know that I am thinking of you & I hope you are getting some support, i know hard hard this is..." I know how easily emails & texts can be misconstrued, but I was so freaking hurt by that. How can she be so cowardly and cold & give advise as I was falling apart. Im sure she didnt want to know how much pain Im feeling, but c'mon, to start to give me advise in getting over it. I keep running this all through my mind...

Dude you really really need to throw yourself into something else. Go run until you pass out. Do something to destract yourself from thinking about all of this. Your mind needs a rest.

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 06:42 PM

OMG, just read it & Im in tears & sobbing. I don't understand how people can be so cruel. Im so sorry. I, in no way wish to compare, I'm just lost. Please know that.

totallylost07 · Jun 3, 2009, 06:45 PM

You I totally know that... I see that some of your situation and feels are very similar to mine... I just posted that so that you can avoid being where I'm at...

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 06:51 PM

And I thank you for that. I truly appreciate your dedication here and reading that, as hard as it is for you to share & me to read, helps. A liar is always a liar, I guess.

chuff · Jun 3, 2009, 07:10 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

She prides herself in making sure everyone knows how successful, loving and what a good person she is. I feel pretty deceived in a way & its not helping to mend my heart right now. i guess it the jealousy of the unknown.

You know it's weird. I read that and I see something I hope you can see. The one with jealousy, and I don't mean temporary until the pain goes away, but real deep down psychological jealousy is your ex. She's so jealous of how good everyone else appears to have it that she's got to make sure everyone knows how successful and great she is. Confident and well adjusted people don't care enough to worry about what others think. Only jealous people go so far out of there way to let others know how successful they are. Success comes from with in and the definition is different for everybody, but to have to constantly shove "success" in the face of everybody else should not be confused with success itself, and it stems from jealousy.

Romefalls19 · Jun 3, 2009, 07:17 PM

I agree Chuff, Jealous minds will always try and compare to other people. They try to tell everyone their accomplishments and what they are working on rather than being humble.

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 07:24 PM

Thanks guys, she used to get so heated of how other people were rocking it and why I wasn't, and then turn around and praise me. She cut a lot of people out of her life because of competition, in whatever form. And made a point of crying about it to me.

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 07:30 PM

She actually despises people that do the same things she's doing. And puts on a façade and makes believe, and lets people know in one way or another that she is humble, yet rad. And she allowed me to believe that

chuff · Jun 3, 2009, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks guys, she used to get so heated of how other people were rocking it and why I wasnt, and then turn around and praise me. She cut a lot of people out of her life because of competition, in whatever form. And made a point of crying about it to me.

I think this just validates my point.

vanheart · Jun 3, 2009, 07:47 PM

It does, was just thinking my ex has this friend from high school and they were inseparable. She was the one that traveled to India and elsewhere while she was escaping. They from what she's told ne had some wild times & lived pretty freely. She is now cut that person out of her life with the exception of a casual drink. She always confided in my that her friend was always trying to steal away her boyfriend and how she used her good looks to do that. I guess I believed that too.