Check out some similar questions!

pathfinder616 · Oct 4, 2006, 12:50 PM

What is “friends with benefits” about and why do some women want these kind of relationships? Are they healthy relationships? What happens if the guy falls in love with a woman who only wants this kind of relationship?

ScottGem · Oct 4, 2006, 12:58 PM

Last time I looked this generally meant sex privileges. The idea being that you are friends who are initmate sexually, but are not monogamous.

Some woman want a sexual partner they are comfortable with but who doesn't represent a committed relationship. The danger of such a relation is that one or the other party may start to feel more strongly.

Depressed in MO · Oct 4, 2006, 01:45 PM

"What happens if the guy falls in love with a woman who only wants this kind of relationship?"-Unless you have been lied to in the beginning and led on for some time during this relationship, I don't see how you COULD fall in love with a person like that. If they told you up front, then you brouht it on yourself. You can't change a person. If you think you are falling in love with someone like this, back off, and go a different direction in life. No use in continuously hurting yourself by loving someone you may never have.

SINGLE4 · Oct 4, 2006, 02:09 PM

"Friends with Benefits" is just that! Friends... Sex only... no emotions involved..! This is understood by both individuals involved! Like Depressed in MO said... if emotions develop (which a lot of the time they DO) then... it is time to confront the other person about your "unexpected" feelings or... BACK OFF!

Wildcat21 · Oct 4, 2006, 02:11 PM

I highly advise against these - as YOU are already emotionally involved.

I really have never heard where this works. Sex doesn't work that way at all.

s_cianci · Oct 4, 2006, 07:07 PM

In my opinion, "friends with benefits" is just a big cop-out, and a very unhealthy one at that. It basically means "I want all of the pleasures of a relationship but none of the responsibility." It also means "I want to be free to bail out if the going gets rough." I feel the same way about couples who shack up without getting married. Essentially they're saying "I want all of the pleasures of marriage but none of the responsibility" ; also "I want to keep one foot out the door just in case the going gets rough." In my opinion, people with that kind of mindset ought to be bold enough to go all the way and make the commitment, for better or worse, and be prepared to work out the problems that will inevitably arise. I'd say all or nothing ; none of that "friends with benefits" crap. Either have a committed relationship or don't have one. Either get married or stay single ; none of that "shacking up" crap.

pathfinder616 · Oct 4, 2006, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by Depressed in MO

"What happens if the guy falls in love with a woman who only wants this kind of relationship?"-Unless you have been lied to in the beginning and led on for some time during this relationship, i don't see how you COULD fall in love with a person like that. If they told you up front, then you brouht it on yourself. You can't change a person. If you think you are falling in love with someone like this, back off, and go a different direction in life. No use in continuously hurting yourself by loving someone you may never have.

Dear Depressed: I feel your comment "Unless you have been lied to in the beginning and led on for some time during this relationship" is completely accurate in this case. The recent development of her wanting a "friends with benefits" relationship is her idea and one that I am not at all comfortable with. I think I will take your advice and back off this is

ScottGem · Oct 5, 2006, 07:20 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

I feel the same way about couples who shack up without getting married. Essentially they're saying "I want all of the pleasures of marriage but none of the responsibility" ; also "I want to keep one foot out the door just in case the going gets rough." In my opinion, people with that kind of mindset ought to be bold enough to go all the way and make the commitment, for better or worse, and be prepared to work out the problems that will inevitably arise. I'd say all or nothing ; none of that "friends with benefits" crap. Either have a committed relationship or don't have one. Either get married or stay single ; none of that "shacking up" crap.

While I don't totally disagree with what you said above, I would like to add my own comments. I do believe its possible to be deeply committed to someone without formalizing it with a piece of paper and a ceremony. In fact, in today's climate (consider the divorce rate), that piece of paper and the ceremony don't make much of a commitment. I don't believe that a blanket statement can be made that a couple living together are not totally committed to each other.

On the flip side, I believe that one cannot know what living with another person will be like until one does it. And I believe that it may be a good idea to fully experience what one is committing to before one commits to it.

NeedKarma · Oct 5, 2006, 07:34 AM

Hi Scott,

Just wanted to pipe in to say I agree with what you have said. Then again I do originate from Quebec which known as the land of the shacking up.

I live with a girl for about 3 1/2 years and we were committed to each other but marriage and lifelong wasn't in the cards for us. Actually the next person I dated I ended up marrying. We did live together for a while and she mentioned that she enjoyed how "broken in" I was and how easy it was to transition to living together and marrying.

Like I always say : to each his own as long as no one gets hurt in the process.

Krs · Oct 5, 2006, 07:39 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

.I feel the same way about couples who shack up without getting married. Essentially they're saying "I want all of the pleasures of marriage but none of the responsibility" ; also "I want to keep one foot out the door just in case the going gets rough." In my opinion, people with that kind of mindset ought to be bold enough to go all the way and make the commitment, for better or worse, and be prepared to work out the problems that will inevitably arise. I'd say all or nothing ; none of that "friends with benefits" crap. Either have a committed relationship or don't have one. Either get married or stay single ; none of that "shacking up" crap.

Im sorry but I SO disagree!!

I lived with my hubby before we got married for 5 solid years! We did this not to have the pleasure BUT no responsibility, that's quite a contraversial saying, because when 2 people live together and are not married they still are as committed to each other and responsible.
I believe that you don't need to sign a paper and be materialistic to make such commitments.
We love each other and always have and our pact, commitment and responsibility started as soon as we moved in and shared everything a married couple do.

I think (this is my opinion) that it is VERY important for a couple to live together before tieing the knot. When you live with someone is when you get to them through and through a 100%, and sometimes I believe this could be the reason for some failed marriages, expecting too much etc.

While if you live together from before then when these issues arise its not a matter of getting separated or divorced but learning how to compromise and learn how each other really works.

Its abit closed minded to say "either get married or stay single", but I know many people who think this like you, which is fair enough.

Krs · Oct 5, 2006, 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

In my opinion, "friends with benefits" is just a big cop-out, and a very unhealthy one at that. It basically means "I want all of the pleasures of a relationship but none of the responsibility." It also means "I want to be free to bail out if the going gets rough."

While I somehow agree with you on this one.

Wildcat21 · Oct 5, 2006, 09:11 AM

I wish people would really, really understand HOW UNHEALTHY FWB really is. I have never seen it work well OR END WELL. It usually ends pretty badly.

It's done by people who have no boudries, rules, etc. - people who are screwed up as far relationships go.

It's SOOOOOOOOOOOO unhealthy. Someone always gets deeply hurt.

BIM · Oct 5, 2006, 09:16 AM

Originally Posted by pathfinder616

What is “friends with benefits” about and why do some women want these kind of relationships? Are they healthy relationships? What happens if the guy falls in love with a woman who only wants this kind of relationship?

Friends with Benefits does not just apply to women, it includes both sex's. I know of men that have benefits also.

BIM · Oct 5, 2006, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

I wish people would really, really understand HOW UNHEALTHY FWB really is. I have never seen it work well OR END WELL. It usually ends pretty badly.

It's done by people who have no boudries, rules, etc. - people who are screwed up as far relationships go.

It's SOOOOOOOOOOOO unhealthy. Someon egets deeply hurt.

I would spread the love but couldn't CAT. :D

I could agree with you more. I couldn't do it, and don't see how someone could. Being intiment with someone, to me, is more that just "getting off."

If I do that I want it to be with someone I care about.

SINGLE4 · Oct 5, 2006, 09:53 AM

Well... I have a "friend with benefits"! I don't have unprotect sex with him! This has been going on (off and on) for 2 1/2 years! (There are small breaks when one or both of us start seeing someone else.) We like the sex with each other and that is it! There is also an emotional bond between us but for now... this works! Does this make me a bad person..? Am I confused about relationships..? Am I screwed up..? I GUESS SO!

It works for me because I don't trust! Someday will I... Hopefully!

NeedKarma · Oct 5, 2006, 09:59 AM

Originally Posted by BIM

If I do that I want it to be with someone I care about.

But that's the thing - it is someone you care about because they are a friend first. I mention it because I've been there and done that. :)

BIM · Oct 5, 2006, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

But that's the thing - it is someone you care about because they are a friend first. I mention it becasue I've been there and done that. :)

Good question? I guess if they were my friend, then I do care about them.

HMMMMMMMMMMMM. I guess, a better way to put it then, would be, I wouldn't be able to have sex with them because I would want more than just staying a friend. So I would ruin our friendship because I would want a monogamous relationship.

That's why I couldn't be a FWB. ;)

__________________________________________________ _______________
But as you can read from my previous threads... I guess I can flirt with the best of them:D :D :D (I have to make light of it, that's how I get through rough times, at times, if anyone can understand)

NeedKarma · Oct 5, 2006, 10:18 AM

You are correct. That happened when neither of us were dating. Once one of us 'found' someone we stopped the benefits part.

Wildcat21 · Oct 5, 2006, 10:20 AM

SINGLE4 - I understand YOUR situation and YES - it probably totally works for you. I remember your first posts. You've been through a lot. Hopefully one day you do heal and can take on a LTR.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 5, 2006, 01:38 PM

Maybe they should unionize and try and get medical, life and dental benefits, in the long run it may be or more use than the other benefits