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sarah_20pgn · Apr 3, 2009, 12:51 PM

I need some suggestions on disipline for my 3yr old son.I have tried spanking him,putting him in time out,taking toys away,even ignoring him.all of these things have not worked.I try talking to him so I don't have to go threw a huge temper tantrum,but that did not work either.instead he screams at th
E top of his lungs the whole time when I try to disipline him.its as if he doesn't understand.please help

mudweiser · Apr 3, 2009, 12:54 PM

What is he upset about? Is it because you won't give him something [i.e. candy], he has to go to bed?

Try going down to his level, speak to him sternly but in a calm manner, make eye contact and use simple words.

Here are some links that may help you:
Temper Tantrums
Temper Tantrums: Guidelines for Parents

The key to child rearing is consistency and patience.

MRS.S

yvette516 · Apr 3, 2009, 12:56 PM

I have a 3 yr old as well and it seems like he totally skipped the terrible two's but now has been throwing fits... I still put him on time out and just let him scream... I know it's hard but the price of poker goes up every time you give in if you can't handle the screaming. Just let him scream until he stops and then explain that now since he has stopped screaming you will turn on the timer and when it rings, he/she can get up. I know every child is different but it works for me..
Good luck...

sarah_20pgn · Apr 3, 2009, 12:58 PM

How can I get my 3yr son to mind me,and listen to me when I say 'no'?he refuses to listen,and gets furious and screams at the top of his lungs until he is blue in the face.he will even slap,and hit me,and kicks the walls.how... how can I help him so I can help myself?thanks

Justwantfair · Apr 3, 2009, 01:00 PM

Please continue your question on your current post, there isn't any need to begin a new thread.

Please reference original thread

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/childr...ts-337463.html

sarah_20pgn · Apr 3, 2009, 01:08 PM

He gets upset like if we go 2the store and he wants to walk instead of being put in the buggy and if we don't let him he goes nuts!I would let him but he always takes off running to somewhere.I always try talking to him calmly making sure to make eye contact,but it never works.it as if he doesn't understand when I say 'kaleb you can w
Lk,but stay with mommy'.I just don't know what else to do

Wondergirl · Apr 3, 2009, 01:27 PM

Rethink how you deal with him. Instead of shouting, whisper a short and simple comment about wanting to play a new game. (That drives kids crazy when they think they are missing something.) At this point, you divert him into a new activity - drape a sheet over two chairs to make a cave for him. Sit in his cave and read books with him. Or set up several favorite stuffed animals in his cave and pose them in some activity. Totally get into this yourself and have fun with it. Or do an impromptu picnic. Spread a plastic cloth on the living room floor and decide with him what the two of you can eat at your picnic. Keep it simple with cheese and crackers or pretzels or grapes and be sure to invite the stuffed animals too! Or have him help you make brownies (even from a box). Sit him on the counter next to the bowl and let him help add the ingredients. He can help stir and let him take a little taste now and then AND ask him how it tastes--"Are we doing a good job so far?"

Have fun with him! Play!

Wondergirl · Apr 3, 2009, 01:32 PM

Originally Posted by sarah_20pgn

he gets upset like if we go 2the store and he wants to walk instead of being put in the buggy and if we dont let him he goes nuts!i would let him but he always takes off running to somewhere.i always try talking to him calmly making sure to make eye contact,but it never works.it as if he doesnt understand when i say 'kaleb you can w
lk,but stay with mommy'.i just dont know what else to do

He goes nuts because he knows that is what works to get his way. Imagine yourself sitting in that buggy. All you see is knees and feet and the bottoms of things. Boring, boring, boring.

How can you make his experience sitting in the buggy more interesting? Can you figure out how to make shopping more fun for him?

Nikita1x · Apr 3, 2009, 02:55 PM

I have 3 kids. They are now almost 8, 4.5 and just 3. I find the best method with each of them has been a zero tolerance policy and follow up with full explanation.

With each of mine, I state what I expect and then I stick to it regardless of the inconvenience. At the grocery store if the kids prefer to walk instead of going in the cart I speak to them and clearly state that they may walk as long as they do not grab at things or run away and they must come straight to my side if I call them as this is the only way to ensure their safety. Should any one of them not listen I will pick that one up, tell him husband we will be waiting in the car, and march out and sit in the car with the child that did not listen. Once the tantrum has stopped (I ignore the tantrum) I explain that I understand they are unhappy with not being able to finish the shopping with our family but perhaps next time the rules will be followed.

I have used this on all of them and they all learn very quickly what the rules are, what will and won't be accepted as behaviour in different situations, and they are so easy to take places and do things with. They need a refresher every six months or so but overall I get excellent results and way less tantrums than other parents that coddle and "refocus" their children during fits.

Nikita1x · Apr 3, 2009, 03:06 PM

Just noticed your comments about having your son respect your "NO". The most important thing is to be consistent. Don't ever tell him no if you are not sure that that will remain your answer. Whatever he is asking for or doing, when you say no stick to it. No matter what - if you say no stand your ground and when he continues to ask or cry just tell him you have said no that is final and perhaps, "Do not ask me again. No means no." But you must be consistent.

My four year old new this lesson inside out and when a friend of hers asked me for something one day, I said no and her friend started with the "puh-leeeese" and my daughter started laughing at her saying, "that doesn't work crazy girl! Not with my mom!"

It's tough, but kids learn soooo fast so if you let him know what you expect and be consistent with him you will see results in no time.

xoxoheartsnluv · Apr 13, 2009, 07:52 PM

Okay, I'm going to be honest. You need to take control of your little boy. I have two little brothers and a little sister I know how their game works. Their going to do whatever they can to get their own way. If you tell them "no" they have to know that's the final answer. Give him a little slap on the butt. Make him put his nose in the corner for about 10 minutes. Send him to his room and make him lay down till he off, then discipline him. Keep doing this until he learns to respect you. Tell him you'll call Santa and tell santa about his bad behavior. Or he can't watch TV or whatever he does for fun. When he listens to you, reward him. Take him out for ice cream. Have a movie night. Something to make him know that it can be rewarding to do the right thing.

Bsmom · Apr 14, 2009, 08:06 AM

I've found one of the most quick ways to end a screaming fit is to ignore it (to a point). When my daughter hit me or bit me, she got a quick spanking and time out every time. She no longer hits, and when she does have a fit I walk to another room. When they know they won't get your attention that way it'll eventually stop.

artlady · Apr 14, 2009, 08:27 AM

Children will act up for attention,they do not care if it is positive or negative attention.

The key to getting a child to stop negative behavior is consistency.

First ,make sure he know the rules,what is acceptable and what is not.Be specific!

*You are not to scream,hit,or kick,if you do you are going to the time out chair*.

For a child his age 3 minutes is an appropriate time if he is staying in his seat. An egg timer work well and he can see how much time he has left.When the bell goes off you approach him at eye level and say I do not like when you do (insert offense) and now I want to to say sorry.Then it is over.You must remain calm and firm.

Do this every time he misbehaves and you will see a change.Separation from you is the thing he does not want.

During the day when he is behaving,tell him the behavior you like* I am proud of you for sharing your toys,or sitting quiet while Mommy is busy*.Be specific! Lots of positive reinforcement!

You can also make a chart of good behaviors and they get rewarded.When he gets 10 stars he gets a special treat.Explain why.Be specific!

Being clear on what is acceptable is very important.Don't just say ,don't be a bad boy,instead be specific(no I can not say it enough)I do not want you to hit.I do not want you to yell.

You may have to take him to his chair 40 times but once you break the cycle,it gets easier.

The key things to remember,consistency,a specific explanation of what is acceptable and what is not and a calm firm voice at his eye level.Positive reinforcement when you catch him behaving!

harleymaxx · May 27, 2009, 08:12 AM

I have twin two year olds and the tanty's I hear are mind blowing. But my kids know their boundaries. No is no and that's that. Even at two my boys would never dream of hitting or biting me or my husband. It does come down to respect and I don't care what anyone says toddlers and kids are very smart little people and learn very quickly. They know what respect is if it is taught to them, but like anything else it does take time to teach them right from wrong, but do what I did and invest in some ear plugs!!

N0help4u · May 27, 2009, 08:33 AM

You have to figure something out and stick with it. Right now he sees that you are not consistent so he knows that spanking or whatever is not going to happen again when you see it isn't getting a result.
Try taking away his toys for a specified time and not allowing him privileges.
I have also found that rewarding can be more effective than punishment or at least work with the punishments. Some people say that rewarding is not good but I think if you back it up by saying something like ''because WE did so good today we now have time left in the day to do something special. And give him a choice of something like rent a movie or a video game or go out for ice cream or stay up an extra half hour.

amdeist · May 28, 2009, 08:31 AM

I had a son that like myself, refused to accept authority. After trying just about everything, my wife and I found that the only thing that worked was ignoring him, and when something came up that he wanted, we refused, and reminded him that it was because he was bad that we won't let him have what he wants. We also started him on an allowance, but he didn't get it very often, because when he was bad, we would take the allowance away. The only solution is to keep trying things until you find what works. Today, though, you have to be careful, because there are many people who would report you to child services if you look cross-eyed at your kid.