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Jason8676 · Feb 27, 2009, 07:45 PM

Hello,
Well, my ex-girlfriend ACTUALLY called last Saturday at about 4:00 P.M.and she did not block her number as on previous attempts. I had the opportunity to answer and when I recognized that it was indeed her number, I was itching to accept the call but let the voice mail handle it instead. She did not leave a message but a flood of questions came to mind as to what she wanted. This was exactly one week after Valentine's Day. I have been slowly but surely getting over her. It was about this time last year that I actually talked to her on the phone. I have been strict NO CONTACT with her since May of last year when I finally told her to never get in touch with me again unless she wanted to reconcile. I feel like I did the right thing by not answering since SHE was the one that shut me out last year when I tried to make up with her before cutting her off completely. Still, a part of me wonders what might have happened if I answered. What do you all think?
Thanks,
Jason

kaitou · Feb 27, 2009, 08:42 PM

Well, it's great that she called, but don't get your hopes up.

If she really wanted to get in touch with you, she should've at least left a message. And if she really really want to get in touch with you, she'll call again..

I would advise you to not read too much into it. Stick with no contact, don't let this phone call change anything now. (for all we know, she could be drunk when she made that call, or maybe someone was using her phone to call you)

Continue your path on healing and recovering

Jason8676 · Feb 27, 2009, 10:02 PM

Kaitou,
I'm definitely sticking to No Contact even though I've had the urge ever since she called to text her a simple, "I noticed you called the other day. What did you want?" Then again, if I was lucky enough to elicit a response from her, it may not be something I want to hear. She could be wanting to give my engagement ring or other things I've given her over the years back(which I don't want-they're hers to keep), she could be pregnant(although I couldn't be the father as I last saw her over a year ago), somebody may have sent her a Valentine's Day gift anonymously and she thought it was me, she could be getting married, she could have gotten an anonymous call and she thought it was me, or she just may want to do some catching up and hand me the "let's just be friends" crap which is not an option in my book-I loved her too much to just stay in her life as a friend. If she's serious, I'll hear from her again. I'll try not to get my hopes up but the way she contacted me was pretty unorthodox based on the way she treated me since we broke up over a year ago(sending pointless text messages, taking several weeks to reply to my texts and giving a lame response at that, calling from a blocked or anonymous number, etc). Aside from reconciling, I sort of feel it would be justified if somebody broke her heart and dumped her because she left me with no closure and not a hint of remorse. She had already started seeing somebody else before she ultimately quit talking to me-while I was working she was out having fun and doing God knows what behind my back. Whatever the case, I'm sticking to my guns.
Thanks for the reply and take care... Jason

kaitou · Feb 27, 2009, 10:16 PM

LOL.. I guess you just needed to rant :)
Remember we're always here to listen, so don't do anything rash!

You seem like you're on the right track, and know that contacting her would only mean trouble.

Good for you! Have a good weekend!

P.S. from the way you described her, she's doesn't sound like a catch anyway. So please don't obsess over her call. I know I'm a stranger, but I'm going to tell you that you deserve better :)!

Jason8676 · Feb 28, 2009, 12:35 AM

Kaitou,
I definitely had to rant. There was no excuse for the way she left after all we went through together in over 11 years. I had no intention of dumping her-I was just busy with my job and even though the hard work paid off, she leaves me for some bum. If she just told me she felt like she wasn't getting enough attention, I would have worked something out-I really loved her. She could have at least had the decency to tell me it wasn't working anymore and that she wanted to leave. Oh well, I figure it is her loss in the end. That is why I think she deserves some misery because while I was trying to put her behind me, she was having all the fun like nothing happened-11 years is a long time to just throw away like she did.
Anyway, hope you have a good weekend. Take care in the meantime... Jason

_Someone_ · Feb 28, 2009, 12:51 AM

Hey man I'm reading and you remember me my relationship. I remember myself working hard all the summer and she was just lying to me. Saying she was home, saying she was with her family,while she was partying anywhere with other guys and having fun.I gave her a beautiful ring too and she took it and 2 months after she broke up.just some months after the break up I can understand some of her actions.I ask myself a question:how could I be so blind? in the end she finished our 3 year relationship in a phone call saying that she liked another guy. I felt like a piece of sh*t at that moment.it has been just 2 and a half months NC for me and I'm realizing a lot of new things.
I think you should have opened the phone. Just to know what she wanted.I would be interested to know what does a such person like your ex or my ex want!? Even if they say sorry they will not resolve anything.there is nothing they can say after they caused so much pain. Not opening your phone is a good solution too.if she wants she will call back. I am sure that during your NC you understood that you can never be together again because you will never trust her again whatever she does.
You are so right about "lets be friends" crap.its a bullsh*t. how can we be friends with someone who lied, cheated and hurt us.
So for me that's not an option left for them. Neither as a girlfriend nor as a friend.
About the text message.better don't send it to her.if there is something so important to say she will call back for sure.
Remember that anything she could have said in that phone call wouldn't have changed anything.

Jason8676 · Feb 28, 2009, 03:47 AM

_Someone_
Your post struck a few familiar chords with me. It was about this time last year that I toughed it out and apologized to her for whatever I did to push her away. In doing so I sent several presents in the hope that she would be convinced that I was still serious about her and open the lines of communication once again. So she received one of the presents and promptly called to thank me. During the call I come to find out that she "liked" somebody else-just like when you and your girlfriend split up. I went on to tell her, "Take it for what it's worth, I still love you, blah, blah, blah..." Anyway, I had sent her another present(a ring) which she received the following day(I was able to track the package through UPS). Well, she didn't thank me until a month later, and that was through a lame text message. I think the guy she was seeing even called several days after the text but left no message-I guess he wanted to tell me off for interfering- like I care. After that things pretty much disintegrated until I said to Hell with it all last May. Like you, I felt like crap. While she's out having fun, I'm left to brood about what went wrong and hope that one day somebody would return the favor and stomp on her heart like she did mine.
Keep up the No Contact-what has helped me is to think of all the times she treated me like crap. Remembering the bad things about her has kept me away-I won't even go near where she works nor drive near the neighborhood where she lived.
True, it would be very difficult to take her back. She has lied to me before-even sleeping with some other guy and leading me on at the same time. She would eventually call me on the phone in tears, asking if I still loved her, and one thing would lead to another and we'd be back together. How could I trust somebody like that? Especially after the way she just walked away over a year ago without so much as goodbye or kiss my butt. Still, she called last week and now my mind is racing once again. I'm hoping things took a turn for the worse on her part and things came back to bite her in the rear. So if she's really serious about talking to me and it was important, she'll try again. If not, I'm in a much better place than I was a year ago and I'll get completely over her, albeit slowly but surely.
If she's wanting to apologize and reconcile, she'll have to move mountains this time because I won't be buying the crocodile tears and questions as to whether I still love her. Why would it matter after she betrayed me for like the umpteenth time? She has her work cut for her so time will tell.
Well, have a good weekend and stay strong. Take care for now... Jason

talaniman · Feb 28, 2009, 11:30 AM

You have handled this situation in a very good way, and I for one congratulate you.

Nice rant by the way, a bit tame, and unemotional, but shows your well beyond the games she plays.

SphinxRiddle · Mar 1, 2009, 05:49 PM

Good for you on not picking up. If you were able to not contact her at all, you seemed to have gone through the break-up process fairly smooth. Leave it as is, if she had called to econcile, why would you want to go back? It's been almost a year, who cares what she wants after all this time.

Jason8676 · Mar 4, 2009, 12:38 AM

Talaniman,
Hey! Just read your reply. I'm trying to hang in there but right now I am so aggravated because I'm pretty sure my ex pranked me the other night by blocking her number and calling. I answered and now I wish I didn't. All I said was "Hello?" when I answered. There was a 5-6 second pause and then I heard a tinny man's voice go, "Hell-o? Hell-o? How are you?" Not recognizing the voice, I replied, "You must have the wrong number. Then it started to say, "Dr.Phil... ". At that instant, I hung up and that was that. Was that breaking No Contact if I answered a blocked call? Jason

Jason8676 · Mar 4, 2009, 12:50 AM

SphinxRiddle,
I can't help but wonder what her motives were unless she just forgot to block her number. The breakup was pretty smooth-in fact, I think I was one of the nicest breakups she ever had. She got two parting gifts and I left her completely alone. Her other ex boyfriends have not been so graceful. I'm still not quite over her-we were together off and on for over 11 years, was engaged. Had a child who passed away before her first birthday, and she knew me about as well as anyone. With all we've been through, it would be hard not to take her back based on that alone. But she has been unfaithful numerous times-and I will NOT put up with that ever again.
Thanks for the reply. Take care in the meantime... Jason

yaode3zy · Mar 4, 2009, 01:24 AM

Wow, I am sorry to hear about your child. First of all, I can see how it can be so easy to be attatched to someone after so long.
However, prank phone calling, cheating, etc is ridiculous. It hurts me to see my friends and my loved ones to stick with someone who has hurt them over and over again because they have been through a lot together.
Being that going through so much is a main factor in taking her back is VERY dangerous. Sometimes, taking a step back and objectively looking at the possitives and negatives is what needs to be done to make the best decision, no matter how much it hurts.
I know it's not as easy as it seems, especially being alone for a year. There's always "3 sides of a story" but from your perspective and what I've read of it, she is not serious about getting back together.
If I were in your shoes, I would call her back because she DID call you. I would keep the conversation short, but find out what she wants. If it's anything about your future together, cut it short and arrange a meeting at a café or somewhere casual.
People do change, but prepare yourself.. Because things may not be as they appear. Whatever it is, take it slow and keep it casual. 11 years is a long time to forget someone, but regardless, I am a believer in unbreakable friendships. If she is one of those cases, keep her as a friend.

But until then, live up life! The gym has always kept my mind off things I needed to get away from. Good luck Jason!

kaitou · Mar 4, 2009, 07:28 AM

I would have to disagree with yaode3zy. Calling her back will only cause more confusion :S. Especially since there's so much emotion involve.

As for the blocked call. You didn't talk to her, you didn't know it was her, so you didn't break no contact.

Again, just don't think about it too much, focus on YOU! Live YOUR life, who cares about that girl. Who's UNFAITHFUL, play GAMES, and DISRESPECTFUL.

Keep up the no contact, and be strong!

Jason8676 · Mar 4, 2009, 08:02 PM

Yaode3zy,
Hey! I really appreciated your response to my post! While I do agree that she is not serious about getting back together, calling her and seeing what she wanted is out of the question. I can only imagine what would happen if I did get in touch with her, hear some strange guy's voice in the background go, "Who is that?", and hear her tell me that something other than what I want to hear-an apology and an expressed desire to reconcile. We've been apart for over a year but that would only undo the progress that has been made so far. Funny thing, this afternoon as I was leaving work I met a lady who lives right next to me-she is in her 20's and lives by herself. I'm in my early 30's. I don't know if she's in a relationship with anybody or not but she was awfully cute. It was sort of awkward at first but I think I made a good impression. Just goes to show you there are plenty of women out there. Maybe my guardian angels had something to do with the meeting-who knows? I have not been dating and I'm reluctant to meet new people after all I've been through with her.
While my ex did call me, the more I think of it, the more I could see where maybe she forgot to block her number. Even if the call was genuine, her motives could be any number of things. I just do not need the drama anymore. If she was really really serious, she would make more than one measly phone call. She knows where I live-there is nothing stopping her from seeing me if she wanted.
Her actions are just making a mockery of our entire time together and the memory of our daughter, who is looking on and possibly relieved that she avoided all this crap that is going on between me and her mother.
Again, thanks for your reply. Take care for now... Jason

Romefalls19 · Mar 5, 2009, 08:49 AM

You handled the situation very well, and no, answering the blocked number wasn't breaking NC. Keep up the good work!

HistorianChick · Mar 5, 2009, 09:03 AM

Doesn't it feel great to know that you've moved on, made changes, bettered your life and outlook, while she is still stuck in the emotional upheaval of relationship games?

You're the bigger person in this - good job. Kudos!

Keep it up! :)

MsMewiththat · Mar 5, 2009, 11:32 AM

Here is a thought though. I want to play devils advocate a little. Look at the amount of energy that has gone into and most likely continues to go in to trying to figure out what she wanted. Wondering if it was her that called pranking you? It's okay to face feelings and people that invoke them in us head on. You are in a much better place right now. IF you did text her to say what did you want? That doesn't mean that you have to jump back with her if she says I miss you and I was having a bad day, or I was thinking about our daughter or just wanted to tell you that I am sorry for the way I treated you. While some think no contact works... I'm not a believer, does it really work or is it a power trip that still leaves that person in your mind. Closure is important, the only true way to do that is to face it head on. Maybe your still not ready, but one day the two of you will have some type of conversation in regards to what happened, it's kind of in the cards given that you were together as long as you were. AGain, maybe your not ready, but I have learned from being on my end of it when someone has done the No contact, cold shoulder deal with me... it doesn't last forever, there is eventually a conversation. Getting that over with eliminates the control or power that person has over you otherwise isn't she still winning there is more energy being used to avoid her and pretend that you don't care... of course you care, we don't work that way. It's easier to have a proper good bye from the beginning. Can you really live with never speaking to her again? I think it's important to draw space from people at times and you have done that in the past year. That has to help the healing process. Do what you do, but I don't think that you are weak or in the wrong for putting to rest the question of what she wanted?

kp2171 · Mar 5, 2009, 12:14 PM

I know it's a pain in the arse... but, after an ugly breakup, my wife had to change phone numbers. The ex went nuts over the breakup. Would do drive bys (he lived 8+ hours away)... phone calls at night with dumb noises... eventually it was just better to tell her friends her new number and to dump the old one.

He actually got her new number by rummaging through the phone of a friend of my wife when she was at the plant he worked out. That got him fired... well, that and the fact he was dumb enough to call her on the company cell phone... records don't lie.

Anyway... if it starts to drive you nuts, consider this. I can only imagine a ex lovers reaction when the number the call is proclaimed "dead, changed, no longer active"...

Of course, that won't stop her from snooping if she's in town. Just something to consider.

If its too much of a pain... just remind yourself how dumn and childish a person must be to do prank calls... I mean really... if that's what helps you sleep through the night, wow... grow up and get the hell out of HS.

Anyway... sorry you are in this place. You've been doing the right thing. Nothing like your moving on and being healthy to drive an ex nuts.

Jason8676 · Mar 5, 2009, 09:41 PM

Romefalls 19,
Hey! Thanks for the encouragement! I feel a lot better now and have cooled off significantly. The more I think about it, the more it looks like she was the one duped in the end when she prank called. Imagine a 26 year old, somebody that is supposed to be a young woman, acting like somebody in middle or high school! It just makes her look like an idiot all the more. Regardless, I'll never answer another blocked call again. The voice mail can take care of that.
Take it easy for now... Jason

Jason8676 · Mar 5, 2009, 09:51 PM

HistorianChick,
It has been a tough road but at least now I know that I'll be all right without her. There was a time when I agonized over life without her but now I know life goes on and I've got plenty to look forward to. What's more, she's probably reached some all time lows in terms of morality. I haven't been dating and pretty much focused on myself and work while she is probably out still sleeping around and doing God knows what.
Thanks again for words of encouragement and take care. Jason