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jeepgrl015 · Feb 8, 2009, 06:43 PM

On July 19th 2008 I lost my father(52) suddenly to a heart attack. I was at work and was not able to help. I am left with the lingering phone call from my brother yelling at me through the phone to get home dads not breathing. No one knew what was happening and I am feeling guilty for the fact that I CHOSE to work that day when I didn't have to. I would've been home to help him and I wasn't. I have blocked out so many events of that day and so many memories of him, Im scared that one day I won't remember him at all. Two weeks later my grandfather passed and he was like my second father. Three days after his passing, my boyfriend of 6yrs broke up with me and left.
I am trying to understand and cope with why all the men in my life are gone. I still have my twin brothers but everything around me is sadness and I feel like nothing will get better. Please, I need some advice.

sunshineangel · Feb 8, 2009, 07:49 PM

There was nothing you could have done to change the way things happened with your father. It would have made no difference if you were home or at work. I block things out like there's no tomorrow. I totally blocked out my grandmother's death, the most important person in my life, I have not forgotten her. When I allow myself to think about her I can shed a tear or two. I can remember her, things like the way she smelled and acted and the way she looked. However I doubt you are much like me which is a good thing in a way. You won't forget your father. You'll be able to remember him. When people are important to us they impact us and seem to take parts of us with themselves when they die. He appears to impacted your heart and for that reason you won't forget him. Don't worry about that. It's important to realize this is not your fault. In fact it had nothing to do with you. Death takes from us as it wishes. You did not do anything wrong. I'm sorry you lost them both in the same week. I know it doesn't feel fair, it isn't. It will get better though. I'm sorry you had to lose your boyfriend at the same time. With so many people gone from your life it's important to realize this has nothing to do with you, I'll repeat again. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Things will get better I promise you that. You still have your twin brothers and for that you should feel lucky. You are still alive. Live for the people who have died. Do as you think they would like. Respect their deaths and move forward as you know they would wish for you to. If you feel as if you've hit rock bottom right now than there is only one way to go, up. Things will get better.

jeepgrl015 · Feb 8, 2009, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by sunshineangel

There was nothing you could have done to change the way things happened with your father. It would have made no difference if you were home or at work. I block things out like there's no tomorrow. I totally blocked out my grandmother's death, the most important person in my life, I have not forgotten her. When I allow myself to think about her I can shed a tear or two. I can remember her, things like the way she smelled and acted and the way she looked. However I doubt you are much like me which is a good thing in a way. You won't forget your father. You'll be able to remember him. When people are important to us they impact us and seem to take parts of us with themselves when they die. He appears to impacted your heart and for that reason you won't forget him. Don't worry about that. It's important to realize this is not your fault. In fact it had nothing to do with you. Death takes from us as it wishes. You did not do anything wrong. I'm sorry you lost them both in the same week. I know it doesn't feel fair, it isn't. It will get better though. I'm sorry you had to lose your boyfriend at the same time. With so many people gone from your life it's important to realize this has nothing to do with you, I'll repeat again. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Things will get better I promise you that. You still have your twin brothers and for that you should feel lucky. You are still alive. Live for the people who have died. Do as you think they would like. Respect their deaths and move forward as you know they would wish for you to. If you feel as if you've hit rock bottom right now than there is only one way to go, up. Things will get better.

Thank you very much and I think that's the hardest part is realizing its NOT my fault.

Ren6 · Feb 9, 2009, 12:57 PM

Oh my gosh... what you've gone through is like a triple punch! There is absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent any of these incidents from taking place, truly. Would you consider seeing a counselor? He or she can help you work through your feelings about what happened. You're probably depressed, understandably. I lost my father and my partner (through break-up) within a few months of each other and that was enough to land me in counseling- I can't begin to describe how beneficial it was for me. Please take care...

ZoeMarie · Feb 9, 2009, 01:23 PM

I can't even express how sorry I am to hear this. I lost my grandma, who was there for me through everything growing up, my grandpa (her husband) years later and my mom (who had multiple sclerosis) shortly after my grandma died. My mom was an only child so I basically lost that whole side of the family. I know how hard it is to lose loved ones, but I can't imagine the hurt of it all happening so fast. I would suggest finding a counselor, if for nothing else, just someone to talk to about everything that's bothering you. It helps a lot just to get things out there.