[confusedgirl26]

I really need help in clearing my head for the past month and half I feel like I've been living in a movie I'm very confused to a point where I'm just ready to leave all behind and give up, but knowing in my heart it won't solve my problems I decided to deal with it. The only problem is that I can't find it in my head to find a solution. So I've been a relationship for 8 years 2 dating and 6 years living together. For the past year we grew a bit apart due to his work hours. I tried many times to wave a flag at him and told him we need to spend more time together and that I need more attention, but his answer always was I can't leave my job cause of u, which turned me off every time he said it. The few days that we did spend together we ended up arguing and frustrated. Finally a month and half ago I had enough courage to leave. After all these years it was the first time I walked out. I'm currently staying @ my cousins house and between the breakup I meet a friend of my other cousin. Absolutely everything I could dream of in a man. He has goals makes time for me, Romantic, very detail oriented and just makes me feel special The only problem is I'm stuck on my ex, I think I love him so much and not ready to jump into another relationship. The guy is head over heals for me, sent me flowers 3 times in a month, Meanwhile my ex really hasn't done anything to show me that he will change or that he want me back, just talks and talk no action, so ironic. Now I'm torn between wanting to stay with the man that I love and just accept him as is or take a chance at this new thing. I'm so confused and really don't know what to do. Just the thought of going back to were I was and be unhappy has me held back, I'm not sure if I still really love him or just that I'm too use to him I can't let go. I have told the new guy everything. I've been truthful from the start and he says he is willing to wait until I'm ready, the scary part is that I don't know if that will ever be. Please help!! I need to see it on someone else's point of view. I will appreciate ALL of your opinion I need help.

[Alty]

The saying goes, "Women stay with a man hoping to change him, men stay with a women hoping she'll never change."

You can't change your boyfriend, he is what he is and always will be unless he wants to change. It seems like you're fighting a losing battle, one you know won't end well.

As for the other guy, it's new, he's attentive, you've been feeling neglected for a long time and now someone is showing you a bit of attention. I don't think you're looking at this relationship the right way either.

Maybe it's time to be alone for a while, be on your own, figure out what you want, who you want. There's no rush, test the water before you jump in.

Good luck.

[artlady]

Why do you have to have either of these men in your life?

Its O.K. and even healthy to be alone.its how we grow and discover ourselves.You must be happy alone in order to ever find true happiness with another.

It almost sounds like you are desperate to have a man in your life.

It is never wise to jump from one relationship to another.
You get hooked on being in love and that is a disaster waiting to happen.

You also may want to reevaluate what it is you expect from a relationship.And know that at some point this new guy may be just as inattentive as your current BF.

[liz28]

You need to step back and take time to focus on yourself. It's never good to start a relationship so fast after a break-up. It's never good to enter a relationship with someone when your not over someone because you not going give your complete self to that person only half. So if you can only give half of yourself to someone instead of your whole self then you don't need to be with someone.

I know you might get or be lonely and want someone in your life but do you really think you need someone at this point. Get yourself together and don't jump into something with the first person the comes along because I would be weary of this guy because his feelings are moving too fast. Love takes time because you've to get to know one another it doesn't happen over night.

To sum it up choose yourself and spend time with yourself.

[plonak]

Ah the rebound relationship.. you could tell us until you're blue in the face that this new guy isn't a rebound, but I'm not buying it..

Something I learned from my past relationship is that when we are recovering from heartbreak, our brains our clouded, so when we think we are ready for a relationship (when we are clearly not) we go and date people that we wouldn't normally date, hence the clouded judgement.

Like the other poster said, you need time for yourself.. you need to get over your ex before anything.. It takes time but be patient.

Talk to this new guy and tell him that you're still healing and ask him to back off.. If he's the great guy that you claim he is, he will understand and give you space.. and when you're healed and your mind is clear you can be much more level headed in your choices of dating

[ThatGuy2]

You said it yourself, you are not ready to jump into another relationship and you got that right. It's unhealthy for you, unfair to the rebound, and disrespectful to the ex. Like Altenweg and Artlady said, you need time for yourself to figure things out. Don't make hasty decisions or you may may regret it later.

[talaniman]

Stay away from them both, until reality becomes clear, and you can make some good decisions for yourself based on facts and not just feelings, or needs.

This is such a good time to find love for yourself, and learning how to make yourself happy, without a man.

Do something good for yourself.

[411Help]

This is why rebound relationships rarely work out.

You didn't vaccinate the virus from your last relationship, now it's infecting your new one.

[MarkwithaK]

Maybe I'm just looking at things differently but it's not as if the man was out chasing tail and cheating. He was at work for crying out loud! How about giving the guy a mulligan on this one? I say be happy that you have a man that works to provide for you and makes the sacrifice he does.

[talaniman]

If you think about it maybe you were so focused on getting attention, you never really gave yourself a chance to be happy on your own.

Tell me , and I presume you work, if you had hobbies and friends in your life and did things you enjoyed without your ex?

[itried]

Sounds like you want an unemployed man who showers you with attention. The problem is that you'll eventually want a guy who works and showers you with money. Then, when that need gets fulfilled, you'll want the attention again, and so on and so on. Understand that you more than likely can't have it both ways.

In a relationship you either stand by each other or you don't. If he is abusive, then leave. If he isn't, and all you want are flowers and whatever then go to this new guy.

[confusedgirl26]

2 Threads merged and edited.


I have a very long story to tell, seems more like a novel or a movie but its not it's my real life and I'm trying to deal with it. I don't know what else to do but write, expecting to find some type of solution to a problem that is consuming me.

I have been with living with my boyfriend for 6 years been together total of 8 years. I'm 26 years old and so is he and have no children. We broke up a while back; I walked out because I thought we needed a break. I was so tired of the routine I was determining to find something better out there. We broke up for a couple of months and along that time I found someone else. A great person, a person willing to give me the whole world just to see me happy. Things got intimate with the new guy and that's where things get complicated although I was with this new guy I couldn't take my boyfriend off my mind. Just when I decided to stay alone, just to sort things out and make the right decision. I got pregnant for the first time. My world completely turned around. Couldn't explain why it happened because protection was used, but it happened. I was stuck with a decision many people have thought about… have an abortion or keep it. I decided to have an abortion; it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. A part of me wanted to keep it and own up to my responsibility, but the other part only thought about what would people say, my family my ex his family, friends. I had everything and just in a blink of an eye I had lost everything. I was foolish and lost a part of me that I could never get back. That has hunt me ever since and can't get past that. After that was done, I found out my ex was dating someone else as well, and that's when my world crumbled I thought it was the end and I tired to get him back, we got back together and we left those others behind. We are now together but ironically not happy. Once again it has become that routine that I hated and tried to get away from. I love him, but not sure if we still have that passion that we once had. We are hardly intimate. Don't think he desires me like before. Everything changed when I walked out that door and don't know if we could ever get that spark that we lost back again. I didn't have the courage to tell him about my abortion with the fear of rejection. And now I'm even more unhappy than before I left. Even though he denies it… I'm sure he feels the same way. I guess we are just scared of change. As for the guy he still tries to get back with me convinced that we belong together, and I can't say that I didn't develop feeling for him, but I wanted to work things out with my boyfriend. This is complicated and has gotten to a point where I can't concentrate, eat or sleep its affecting my life. I have always considered myself a strong person, but this time I have falling and I'm trying my best to get up again, just don't know how to start. :confused:

[Justwantfair]

First I recommend counseling to deal with your loss, along with ironing out some of your other concerns.

Every relationship becomes routine. Partnerships are work, they don't just magically stay happy and fresh. You have to keep them that way. What are you doing to keep the spark alive in your relationship?

[talaniman]

It starts with loving yourself and forgiving yourself. That will help you heal, and be able to rebuild your life the way you want it to be for you to be happy.

Stay out of relationships until then, so you can get your own independence back.

The focus is on you, and not them. Give yourself the chance to get a healthy balanced life of your own.

[Survivor07]

You have been through too much emotionally to be able to give to any relationship.

Take some time off from men and find yourself, and heal.

You will be glad you did.