I'll start with saying, you should be ashamed of yourself, as you said. This is what happens when you put your own selfish needs in front of anothers. Karma has a way of coming around when you live your life like that.
You need to get into counseling, and figure out why you were so willing to play with a woman's feelings, and then go on to do it over and over again, even though you knew you were hurting them. It sounds to me like you don't really love yourself, and that in itself would make it hard for you to love someone else! That is why you feel like a cold shell!
You need to talk to someone to figure out what is behind the reasons for why you did this first. Don't let your wife be your next "victim," if she isn't already. Don't make her pay for your insecurities and mistakes. Get help so you don't leave more women with a bunch of baggage strewn all over the road of their lives.
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