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mred · Dec 18, 2008, 04:31 AM

Hi, I recently met an Egyptian guy through a christian dating site. Although he is egyptian by descent, he told me he has migrated to australia with his parents since he was a child.
Things happened too fast between us and now we're exchanging I love you's and planning about future marriage. I must admit that I barely know this man. But this man was so sure of me that he said I will be the only woman he will ever love and that he can wait for me forever. He is waiting for me to come all the way from the Philippines to Australia. Although I am really considering pursuing postgraduate studies in Australia, I don't think it is very possible at the moment because of my financial limitations. He told me he would not come to the Philippines to live and was expecting me to come live with him in Australia. We are so much in love now and I tend to believe everything that he says. He sends me sweet sms messages daily and tells me that I am the reason for his existence. He once told me to promise him that I wouldn't hurt him because life is at stake (this I found somewhat scary). I honestly don't want to hurt this guy but I'm afraid of scam stories about online distance relationships. Should I continue trusting and loving this guy? He seems really sincere and trustworthy. He never showed any signs that he's just after money or sex. He calls me and spends so much phone credit. He seems aggressive and impulsive about his feelings for me though. He wants to marry me and have kids with me. How do I tell if he's a fake?

Ber Rabbit · Dec 18, 2008, 05:31 AM

You are right to be cautious. At the moment what you have is a story he has woven for you and you have fallen for the main character. Never believe an online relationship is more than a story told by a talented person.

How do you know if he's a fake? Date him in person for a year or more. He said he would wait forever for you, take him at his word.
Ber

450donn · Dec 18, 2008, 08:56 AM

Continue your educational goals. If he truly loves you and actually is a nice guy he will still be there in a couple of years. He won't go to you, but he expects YOu to go to him? That sort of thing sends up a red flag in my mind. Maybe I am being paranoid, but I would proceed with real caution.

HistorianChick · Dec 18, 2008, 09:05 AM

The thing about a relationship like this... if it gets too obsessive and weird, and you want to get out of the friendship, it is easy to do. He is in Australia, you are in the Philippines.

That being said, I know that online friendship can definitely work. Online relationships can even work. I have met some of my dearest friends online and I know of people that are happily married from meeting on a dating site.

But, it seems like this guy is asking things of you that shouldn't be asked - you've never really met him! For all you know, he could be some old guy in Texas!

Don't commit anything to him at this point. If you want to keep your friendship, great, but there needs to be some boundaries. Honestly, you can feel strongly for him, but love him and want to marry him?

Don't put your educational dreams on hold for him, but also, don't discount other means of education - in your own country - because of him. If it works that you can go to OZ and complete your degree, awesome! But if not, its OK.

Don't accept money from him to fly you there either.

Bottom line, I would be VERY careful with this man. He is your online friend, not your boyfriend or your family. You have no responsibility to him. If you feel like he is getting obsessive and controlling, tell him to back off... or simply stop conversing.

I wish you the best! :)

chrissymarie · Dec 18, 2008, 10:06 AM

You should tell him your worried he may not be who you think he is in person. Tell him if he truly loves you he'll understand he needs to visit you first and if your spark with him in person is the same and you feel deep down inside he is the one. Take a risk and do what you need to so you 2 can be together. But make sure the amount of risk your taking to be with him is the same amount of riske he's taking too.

Wondering Woman · Jan 22, 2009, 11:19 AM

I have a friend who got burnt badly by a similar relationship.

Here's a TIP: IT'S NOT REAL, UNTIL YOU'VE MET IN PERSON.

My friend was shopping for wedding dresses, getting ready to travel to another country for a visit. Well, what do you know, but he already had a wife. If he won't come to you, then see how he feels paying half the cost of your going there. He should be willing to shoulder some of the cost. If he isn't, then he's not willing to bring your online relationship into the honest light of day. I believe strongly that when it's an online relationship, meet in person as soon as possible.

whiteflowers · Jan 22, 2009, 02:18 PM

You are the "only woman he will ever love and that he can wait for you forever." ? Are you kidding? And you say you met "recently" and online nonetheless? You say things happened too fast with u? I would think so. How can you tell someone that you haven't met in person that you love them? To me that is just not possible. You say you barely know this man, now be honest with yourself, you know you can't love someone you barely know! And he says you are the reason for his existence? That is way too much too soon! The scariest thing to me is that he told you not to hurt him because life is at stake? What! Come again? That screams PSYCHO to me and is a SUPER RED FLAG. I strongly recommend you end it with this guy and don't give him any information as to where you live etc. Your intuition is telling you this is not right... why not listen to it?

liz28 · Jan 22, 2009, 10:20 PM

You said it yourself that you barely know this man so how can you love him and him vice vera with you?

Love takes time and knowing the person you love. So right now you know something isn't right so follow that intincts.

And know that people will say anything to get what they want or just for kicks.