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Prototype958 · Dec 13, 2008, 08:38 PM

So hi, I'm new to this site, but it seems like there's a lot of helpful people here and I could really just use some outside perspective on all this...

My girlfriend of 2 years now just cheated on me with a guy we work with(yea, we all work at the same place) who was just recently hired. Of course she wasn't planning on telling me so I ended up finding out from someone else we work with(tight-knit group of employees). Turns out she slept with this guy after he filled her head with lies and rumors about me, telling her I treated her badly, told her I said she was bad in bed, and also twisted a previous situation, where I kissed another girl, into this elaborate story about how I probably slept with her(which I certainly didn't).

So I confront my girlfriend about all this and she admits to it and apologizes and tells me how terrible she feels and all this and begs me to forgive her. I love her with all my heart and sincerely believed she deserved another chance so I gave it to her. So a week goes by and we're OK, not back to normal, but OK. Then I find out she's still texting him and talking to him and that she still has feelings for him, but still loves me.

We just spoke on the phone tonight and she's saying how she's very confused and torn right now and how she just wants some time to think about things. Now I told her my take on what a break really means to me. Basically "I'm sick of you for now, so I'm going to go hang out with this guy for a while and I'll come back when I feel like it or I get sick of him."

I told her about how much waiting for her to decide who she wants to be with is killing me and exhausting me mentally and physically. I told her I would wait for her for a while but I can't wait forever and I don't want to play this game with her.

I love her more then anything and with recent events my life has just been so screwed up. I can barely get through a day of work, I don't want to get up in the morning. I'm barely eating, and when I first found out she cheated on me like that I didn't sleep for almost 3 days... What really gets me though is that we've been through so much together and we've been there for each other for so close to 2 years. Now all of a sudden things are so bad that she's cheating on me and lying to me and now she needs a break from it all...

I just don't know what to do. If anyone has any feedback or suggestions I'd love to hear them. I don't really have anyone else to turn to at this point...

rockerchick_682 · Dec 13, 2008, 08:53 PM

Your interpretation of a "break" is pretty much what is happening. If all it took was someone lying to her to get her to cheat on you, then do you really want to be with her anyway?

I'm sure it really feels like the end of the world right now, but really, it could be worse. Find a new job, or transfer, and end contact with her. Try to join something that you really enjoy so you can meet new people.

This girl isn't worth hurting over.

TrueFaith · Dec 13, 2008, 10:22 PM

The second she slept with someone it was over.

As for the 2nd chance.. she just asked that so she would not feel guilty

Look the trust has gone. And if she can sleep with someone else. I mean what's to stop her from doing it again.

Why don't you tell here that.. that's it. That you are worth so much more than all of this.

She is not worth you. She is a cheater. And is selfish.. sorry to tell you this but this is an ouside view

Your mind is clouded with feelings and memories of her.

Break it off with her.
Tell her you wait for no one.
And go to no contact.

Its even harder whe you work together turst me I have lived a year of that!

I always stuck it out though and in the end. They normaly leave.

So be strong man. I know its really hard. Just use some days to feel sorry for yourself and some others to feel really good.
There will be lots of ups and downs.

All the best my friend ;) :) ;)

Regards

Paininside1234 · Dec 14, 2008, 08:33 AM

I know how hard it is when your cheated on, my ex cheated on me by part of mr still wants her eww I know

talaniman · Dec 14, 2008, 09:38 AM

Wow, rewarding bad behavior, gets more bad behavior.

Get this cheater out of your life and keep some dignity and self respect.

You should have done so when this started. I mean cheating with someone every one knows is like doing it in your face, and that's so disrespectful.

Keep her away from your life.

wolfgangqpublic · Dec 14, 2008, 09:54 AM

Take solace in this fact. This new guy sounds like a huge manipulator, and I can almost assure you that she is going to get very burned by him sooner or later.

ThatGuy2 · Dec 14, 2008, 02:20 PM

Hey this sounds similar to my situation except mine was 3 years and like just happened yesterday. Check out my questions if you want similar advice. I totally know how you feel man. It's a bit easier for me though cause my ex is just straight up disrespectful to me now at work, which might make it a bit easier for me to get over her. As for the relationship, just end it and move on (seems to be a pretty consistent saying). Better now than later when your engaged or married. It's tough, the ex was everything to me. Was going to propose in about 1 week from today. Just know that your not alone and there are plenty of others going through this just like you and I. And it's up to you to realize the situation and move on to better things in your life (lol I'm such a hypocrite). I'm working on it and it's the hardest thing I've ever gone through in life. But apparently time heals everything. So I guess look forward to that when it happens. Meanwhile, go cry, go bother your friends and family to biatch about the ex, and make sure you EAT. I've been having that problem lately... Concentrate on yourself and do what you need to do for your future. I'm sure we'll be OK in the end. Going to go hang out with some friends now, good luck buddy.

Prototype958 · Dec 14, 2008, 02:46 PM

Thanks so much for all the responses from everyone. I definitely seeing a pattern with them... Unfortunately not a single person I've talk to about this has said it's worth waiting for and that I should just break it off with her immediately and move on.

We worked together today and we basically had NC other then what we had to in order to do our jobs. I didn't mope around all day like I have been. I was actually in a genuinely decent mood. I think I was just so far past hurting and being upset over our "break" discussion last night that I didn't really have anything left in me, so I grabbed a few of my favorite associates who've been helping me with this and we worked on a few projects together today and just talked and laughed and they told me more things about what was happening with my GF(not quite ex yet) and the guy she likes.

I also took some time by myself to sweep my warehouse and listen to the radio out back where I could just think and relax where no one would bother me for a while. While I was doing that I couldn't help but think about all the ways she's mistreated me and taken advantage of my kindness these 2 years. I can't believe I had never noticed these things while we were together. I think this is really going to help me get over her though. I think I'm ready to break it off ASAP...

Prototype958 · Jan 10, 2009, 07:23 PM

My girlfriend of 2 years and I just went through a rough patch this past month. She cheated on me and since she's young she got really confused about her relationship with me and we ended up kind of on and off most of the month. It was really painful for both of us, but obviously it was especially hard on me.

I went no contact with her for a few weeks which was hard enough without the fact that we work together. She had still been talking to the person she cheated on me with, but I heard from good friends that she wouldn't date him for some reason. I still refused to talk to her and actually told her off a couple times when she tried to contact me.

Not too long ago though we ended up in a conversation via text message some how, I really can't remember what initiated it, and she straight up poured her heart out to me. She told me how much I meant to her and how terrible she felt for what she did and how she could never make it up to me. Then the heavy stuff came in. She told me how she can only see her future with me in it and she wanted to be with me for ever and raise a family with me.

Needless to say I was shocked, but believe it or not that's everything I've always wanted with her, I've just never had the guts to say it because we're still young(Me 22, her 20).

I did end up taking her back and things have been going great with us so far these past few weeks. I guess my real question though is why don't I feel angry or betrayed anymore. I never think about what happened last month, I don't feel awkward when we're intimate, I'm not angry with her or anything and I'm just afraid that while everything is all well and good now that this might catch up to me one day and just really hit me hard.

Yea, I was devastated last month after I found out about everything, I sulked, I cried, I was miserable, but now it just seems to have all gone away. I know I've forgiven her because she came back to me of her own accord with out any influence from anyone really and that made me really happy and was the reason I felt comfortable taking her back...

If anyone has any feedback on the situation please let me know. I'm happy, we're happy together, but I am a little worried if this is normal...

411Help · Jan 10, 2009, 07:41 PM

You shouldn't have taken her back. I'm sorry, but, if she cheated once, what makes you think she won't do it again. Having the mentality, "Well.. I can do whatever I want to this guy until I find someone else interesting, then I'll leave him, and if things don't work out with my new guy, I always have my good ol puppet in the closet to play with." You see what I'm getting at here?

kctiger · Jan 10, 2009, 08:09 PM

Do you remember when you were a child and your mom got mad at you? You would do or say anything to lessen the blow...

Her profession of love and a future with you has only come AFTER she cheated on you. The question thus arises, why now? Did it take her to sleep with another guy to realize she truly loves you? Is that reality? Is that... something you could conceive? Or, is she saying this stuff out of mere guilt?

Whatever it is, you chose to forgive. Once this happens, it is over. She may have cheated, but your forgiveness forbids you from bringing this back up, or throwing it in her face whenever you are mad or you two argue. The fact remains, she did cheat on you, and you will most likely have some type of emotional feelings from that for a long time to come, even if you say you are "normal" now.

Let's also be honest, you took her back because you were still in love with her, and you clearly wanted her back in your life. Regardless of whether she came back without outside influence, doesn't really matter. If not for love, why did you take her back? Did you think about it? Did you contemplate the ramifications, or did you rush into taking her back to fill a gap that was left after she cheated?

Regardless, you two are together now, and you chose to forgive. Take things slow... very slow, and perhaps you should find out the ultimate question in this entire charade... why did she cheat on you? Why couldn't she have loved you enough without cheating?