[losttranslation]

My husband has an old female co-worker he talks to more days then not. They talk on the phone and text. I use to read the messages but now he deletes them, probably because he knew I was reading them. They rarely talk when I am home. He claims they are just friends and often make the point he works with a lot of women. This is true but he does not talk to any other of them nearly as often. I have caught him lying about going to the bar and he always fesses up. I know a few times other people were there, as well as her, but who knows for sure about other times. I have questioned him about this and he always gets defensive so we fight. The last big fight was when I found messages that they were going to meet out but she went there he was not there so she left. I am sick of wondering and being afraid to confront him because we always fight. What do I do? How do I talk to him? Do I believe him? Can men have female friends?

[N0help4u]

Men can have female friends but if your instincts tell you it is more and he is lying, getting defensive and giving her excessive time and attention then I would worry too. Sounds like they may have started as friends but very possibly it could be developing into more.

[talaniman]

Can men have female friends?

I do, and always have.

I found it very helpful to introduce my female friends, to my then g/f. She KNOWS THEM ALL PERSONALLY.

They are friends also, so there is no mistrust or suspicions at all. Over the years she has introduced me to her male friends, we get along great. We always invite each other to events, or parties with our friends, sometimes we go together, sometimes we don't.

The bottom line is to know his friends, and keep an open mind. Another thing is always know where your partner spends time. (Even my kids always know where I'm at).

Don't assume without facts, but his reluctance has you questioning his actions, that's what you confront, his lack of reassurance to you, and his being forthright with what's going on. Jealousy, or insecurity, will ruin everything.

Is that why you read his texts??

[missteetee]

Have you ever met this friend? If not ask him if she wants to come over for dinner. If he acts funny then I would think something more is going on.

[pugasaurus]

Maybe he is hiding something?