[Inaru]

I'm a senior at high school and I've been dating my boyfriend for five years, no ex's on either side. When we first started dating, he made me stop saying curse words and he never says any neither. I am really in love with him and he says the same and we promised we'd stay together for the rest of our lives, he bought me an expensive ring as a symbol of that promise. I wear it on my left ring finger like a wedding ring 24-7.

But along the way, we've hit some bumps in the road. He got mad at me over the littlest things, making a big deal out of those things. He says it's because I do those little things a lot, but I don't mean to. I know what I do, but I keep doing it, like I don't hear something he says, or forget my cellphone at home... Alot of times I promised to change, though I knew that was wrong in a way, but I thought it may make him feel better if I wasn't so air-headed.

I did everything I could for him, just to please him and to show how much I cared about him. Hell, he bought me a Nintendo Wii just because. But he still got mad at me all the time and after a long time of this, I started to get angry. Recently, I've argued back when he was mad if I knew it wasn't my fault. And a lot of times I expected it to end at 'sorry' but he wouldn't forgive me with just that. Some of my friends say he's being controlling and sometimes mentally/verbally abusive... am I being controlled? And is he moving away since I'm fighting back? He also makes it seem wrong that I have friends I want to hang out with. Last time I talked to him, he said I could do whatever I wanted cause he had nothing to do with me anymore.. . does that mean it's over? I don't want it to be, I am in love with him and if I could do something to fix everything, I'd do it... can someone help me? Is it me or him that's messing up the relationship? I really want to keep him and I want to make it better.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

This sounds like a relationship I've had in the past. It was him being controlling. He'd get irritated at the smallest things, and then when I pointed out things that he did wrong he'd turn it around on me. This could just be his personality. But you need to express your concerns to him about this. Don't let him know that you would do ANYTHING for him. Make him realize that HE is LUCKY to have you. You are not there to cater to his every whim. It sounds like you guys have a sturdy relationship, but yes there are a few bumps, and there needs to be more communication about them. I'm not a relationship expert, not by any means. But this really reminded me of that particular relationship. Just out of curiosity, do you two have very different beliefs?

There will surely be far more helpful folks along in no time.

[vexation]

Hello
This sounds like young love , look up the facts as to high school sweeties making a long and happy life together
Young people shoud have a program installed into there heads that remind them that life is an adventure and not to be taken so serious it develops in stages learning all the way , growing and understanding ourself
Please understand that there will be lots of LOVE in your life - you make it

[Inaru]

This sounds like a relationship I've had in the past. It was him being controlling. He'd get irritated at the smallest things, and then when I pointed out things that he did wrong he'd turn it around on me. This could just be his personality. But you need to express your concerns to him about this. Don't let him know that you would do ANYTHING for him. Make him realize that HE is LUCKY to have you. You are not there to cater to his every whim. It sounds like you guys have a sturdy relationship, but yes there are a few bumps, and there needs to be more communication about them. I'm not a relationship expert, not by any means. But this really reminded me of that particular relationship. Just out of curiosity, do you two have very different beliefs?

There will surely be far more helpful folks along in no time.

He is more into christianity than I am and thinks this and that is bad because it's a sin. Sometimes it gets annoying to me, but it's his belief so I go along with it. It's why he made me stop swearing in the first place. I'm just laid-back and I want to do anything he wants to and it doesn't bother me most the time what he decides to do. And I have told him he's lucky to have me, cause most girls wouldn't be as patient as I have and such.

[aaj2008]

Yeah it does sound like young love. If you feel afraid to be with him then you need to role out... sorry

[Inaru]

Yeah it does sound like young love. If you feel afraid to be with him then you need to role out...sorry

It's not that I'm afraid to be with him, I WANT to be with him. But he gets mad a lot and I have to be careful, but a lot of times he gets mad about something anyway.

[aaj2008]

That's called a controlling boyfriend... not usually a good relationship to be in.

[Inaru]

Every time my boyfriend does something that upsets me, I tend to tell my friends about it. I don't know, I guess it makes me feel better. But if my boyfriend finds out that I said something negative about him, he sometimes gets upset, sometimes I think I'm hurting his feelings and making him look bad. Is this wrong?

[ZoeMarie]

Instead of talking to your friends (I know it helps) talk to him first. Not only will he hear things firsthand, from you, but when he does something that upsets you then he will know and hopefully won't do it again.

[aaj2008]

Not necessarily wrong but you have to talk to him about his negative ways instead of running off and telling your girls... sure its fine to share relationship info with them but you need to talk to your boy about it... and if it comes to where it is hurting him well then don't say all the bad things... I mean some guys get hurt very easily and are extremely emotional... he's a keeper. Just be sensitive to his needs and he in return I'm sure you'll see a wonderful person. However... he could be a controlling person and not want you to tell your friends as a means of control... I don't really know the guy or I would be able to help you out a little

[Absolute]

Girl, it is your every right to talk. You're allowed to spill to SOMEONE. Keeping it all bottled up is just going to end up in a very bad way so no worries. I'm pretty sure that if I had to keep myself all bottled up and not say anythign when I was going out with MY boyfriend, it'd end up bad for him. Your friends are your friends and listening to you rant is one of there have to do's and if they TELL the person whom you were ranting about what you said, they aren't a very good friend now are they. So chill out. It's OK to complain and or spill your sob story. I'm sure he'd understand that you need people to tell even if he DID find out. Just as long as your remember to tell him you love him every once in a while right?

[Absolute]

Oh and. I agree with Zoe Marie. Talk to him about it too. It's good to communicate. But make him understand that you need to vent to people as well. It's part of your nature right?

[TexasParent]

Women need to talk about their feelings, and guys tend to keep them inside. You could tell your boyfriend that is how women cope, they can't keep things bottled up.

One thing I would change is who you confide in. A confident is someone who doesn't reveal what is told to them. If you told people your feelings who didn't tell your boyfriend then this wouldn't be an issue.

Talk to someone you can trust, like a family member, brother, sister, mother, etc. or a close friend who doesn't know your boyfriend to well.

There is nothing wrong with venting, or talking about your issues, but those conversations are meant to be private.

Talk to people you can trust only and those you can't, don't share anything negative about him. In fact for those who blab back to him, say the nice things about your boyfriend, that will get back to him too and he will feel great that you are bragging about him.

[Inaru]

Not necesarily wrong but you have to talk to him about his negative ways instead of running off and telling your girls...sure its fine to share relationship info with them but you need to talk to your boy about it...and if it comes to where it is hurting him well then dont say all the bad things...I mean some guys get hurt very easily and are extremely emotional...he's a keeper. Just be sensitive to his needs and he in return I'm sure you'll see a wonderful person. However...he could be a controlling person and not want you to tell your friends as a means of control...I dont really know the guy or I would be able to help you out a little

He is a wonderful guy, the only problem I really have with him is that he gets mad easily and he might be controlling me in some ways. And when he does something that upsets me, he usually knows he did by my reaction or sometimes we argue. He rarely apologizes for it though...

[Inaru]

Girl, it is your every right to talk. You're allowed to spill to SOMEONE. Keeping it all bottled up is just going to end up in a very bad way so no worries. I'm pretty sure that if I had to keep myself all bottled up and not say anythign when I was going out with MY bf, it'd end up bad for him. Your friends are your friends and listening to you rant is one of there have to do's and if they TELL the person whom you were ranting about what you said, they aren't a very good friend now are they. So chill out. It's ok to complain and or spill your sob story. I'm sure he'd understand that you need people to tell even if he DID find out. Just as long as your remember to tell him you love him every once in a while right?

That's what my mom said, I shouldn't keep it in. And yes, I tell him he's wonderful and that I love him all the time, but he does/says things that are just... "WHY!?" And I mostly tell people because they noticed I wasn't being myself and asked what's wrong.

[Inaru]

Women need to talk about their feelings, and guys tend to keep them inside. You could tell your boyfriend that is how women cope, they can't keep things bottled up.

One thing I would change is who you confide in. A confident is someone who doesn't reveal what is told to them. If you told people your feelings who didn't tell your boyfriend then this wouldn't be an issue.

Talk to someone you can trust, like a family member, brother, sister, mother, etc. or a close friend who doesn't know your boyfriend to well.

There is nothing wrong with venting, or talking about your issues, but those conversations are meant to be private.

Talk to people you can trust only and those you can't, don't share anything negative about him. In fact for those who blab back to him, say the nice things about your boyfriend, that will get back to him too and he will feel great that you are bragging about him.

I do brag about him sometimes, but he never seems to find those out... *Sigh* anyway, I just felt bad cause I don't want to make him look bad, but I think that's what I'm doing.

[EN Ken]

One of a man's emotional needs is the protection of his reputation. When a man's emotional needs are satisfied he feels as though the person satisfying them is on his side and he considers them an ally or a friend. When his emotional needs are violated, he considers that person an enemy or a foe.

It's fairly normal for a girl to talk about her relationship with her friends because that's just the dynamic of a group of females, however, it's not talking about relationship woes that will violate this emotional need. It's talking about him in a way that causes him to appear unattractive to other women.

If a girl complains that it drives her crazy because her boyfriend refuses to let her walk home by herself after she finishes her shift as a bartender at 3am then she is not violating this emotional need. She presents him as a man who protects those he cares about.

However, if she complains that it drives her crazy that her boyfriend refuses to walk her home after her shift as a bartender, then she violates this emotional need. She presents him as a man who does not protect those he cares about.

This, of course, is an extreme case to illustrate this point. (If a guy refused to walk his girlfriend home at 3am, then I'd tell the girl to leave him because when the going gets tough, he's going to get going.) More subtle and common violations of this emotional need are when a girl talks about her boyfriend being indecisive, being irresponsible, being boring or being unmotivated. If she wants to keep the man she's talking about around, then it's best not to talk about him in this way because that's presenting him in a bad light.

Hope that helps.

[EN Ken]

It does sound like the relationship is over and as much as you love him, it'd be hard to have a long-term relationship with a guy like that.

It sounds to me as though he as an emotional need for drama which has manifested in his need to pick apart all the little things and cause all these fights. A man who has a need for drama will start fights because he needs to feel emotional variety and will find whatever possible excuse he can to do so.

As a man who once had this, I can say that this makes a relationship extremely difficult. I know the girl I was dating at the time felt as though she could never please me and that I was like a bomb waiting to go off. That is not the nature of a healthy relationship.

I would recommend that you move on.

[Inaru]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 years. He's my first boyfriend and I'm his first girlfriend and we made plans to marry and all that. Well, a while ago we got into a big argument that questioned our relationship and ever since then I've felt myself slipping slowly out of love with him. Well, one of my friends admitted he loved me around that time and he helped me get through the stressful time and we became closer. Too close. Well, while me and my boyfriend argued sometimes, I would hang out with my friend more, until I eventually developed strong feelings for him. He's so nice and cares about me and I have actual fun with him. Well, I admit, I cheated on my boyfriend, but all we did was kiss a couple times and flirt a lot. I know it's wrong, but I love him too. And one night I saw that I wanted to see my friend more than my boyfriend, so I went to break up with him since he was always hurting me with our arguments and stuff. But then he started crying, which is very very very rare, and BEGGING for another chance, that he would change for me. I refused at first, because I gave him so many warnings and chances before, but after everything my boyfriend said, I couldn't do it. So I'm still with him. But I still feel a little "blank" for him sometimes, and my friend is on my mind a lot. Now my friend is ignoring me at school and I know I hurt him badly, but it was hard for me too either way. But my boyfriend has indeed changed. I don't know what to do. Did I make the right choice? I really love my friend, but I don't want to leave my boyfriend neither, and I don't want to cheat on him again.

[juhi2011]

Oops... this is so confusing dear. First tell me are you in school... I mean wat's your age?