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shanell08 · Oct 4, 2008, 01:42 PM

Should I pay for ex-girlfriends medical bills during pregnancy ? I probably am the father.She told me if I did not participate now ,the ext time I would see her is in court.

jambourrie · Oct 4, 2008, 01:50 PM

You are half responsible for this baby if it is yours, so pay for half of her bills. If she cannot accept that, then take her up on her other offer, but maybe initiate it yourself.

stinawords · Oct 4, 2008, 01:54 PM

You are not liable for 100% of the bills. Actually as of now you aren't liable for any of the bills. After the baby is born and you are proven to be the father through a court ordered DNA test then yes you will have to pay for half of them but not all of them. If you are sure the baby is yours you can offer to pay your half now and make sure you have your reciepts for when you go to court for the DNA and child support/visitation hearings. But if you aren't sure enough to risk the money then just put it away in a safe place so that if you are proven to be the father you have it to pay and if you are proven not to be the father you can then spend the money however you want.

shanell08 · Oct 4, 2008, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

You are not liable for 100% of the bills. Actually as of now you aren't liable for any of the bills. After the baby is born and you are proven to be the father through a court ordered DNA test then yes you will have to pay for half of them but not all of them. If you are sure the baby is yours you can offer to pay your half now and make sure you have your reciepts for when you go to court for the DNA and child support/visitation hearings. But if you aren't sure enough to risk the money then just put it away in a safe place so that if you are proven to be the father you have it to pay and if you are proven not to be the father you can then spend the money however you want.

She said I did not pay now I wouldn't even know or see the baby until the support hearing. I'd like to get ahead on things though!

danielnoahsmommy · Oct 4, 2008, 02:40 PM

Be a man and step up and pay 100% if you can. Be the best you can be. If your ex thinks highly you child always will.

shanell08 · Oct 4, 2008, 02:41 PM

Originally Posted by jambourrie

You are half responsible for this baby if it is yours, so pay for half of her bills. If she cannot accept that, then take her up on her other offer, but maybe initiate it yourself.

If the baby is mine,I will take full responsibility.She wants to play mind games though.

danielnoahsmommy · Oct 4, 2008, 02:44 PM

She's not playn games she told you what shew promises to do. Be a man n pay

shanell08 · Oct 4, 2008, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

be a man and step up and pay 100% if you can. be the best you can be. if your ex thinks highly you child always will.

That's fine, but what if it turns out it's not mine?

shanell08 · Oct 4, 2008, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

shes not playn games she told you what shew promises to do. be a man n pay

I really don't have a problem paying, but every time we talk about things she threathing things.

danielnoahsmommy · Oct 4, 2008, 04:03 PM

Because she is frightend. I'm sure you can make a contract with her stating that you are paying all medical bills and upon birth a paternity test will be done, if you are not daddy you will be repaid.

stinawords · Oct 4, 2008, 04:26 PM

I wouldn't go so far at to pay all expenses. Unless you really have a few thousand dollars that you don't need right now. If you do choos to pay that's great just be prepaired for the worst as well as the best. Legally you can't make an agreement with her as far as I'll pay for your dr and then you'll let me visit you. Just as after the child is born and you file for visitation the court keeps support and visitation separate issues so one dosen't have an affect as far as "you aren't paying so you can't visit" or visa versa "I'm not getting my visitation so I'm not paying".

cdad · Oct 4, 2008, 04:41 PM

Do Not give her anything at this point. Instead wait until the bills come in and put your 1/2 into an account until after the baby is born. When the baby is born go right away to court.. don't wait on her. File for visitation and support. Keep in mind as with any newborn that your custody time will be less until the child is older. Make sure to get that in any agreement you make. Make sure you get court ordered DNA testing no matter what she says. When its shown that the baby is yours then you will have the funds to release so you can pay your share. Be prepared to make support payments as the court orders them.

danielnoahsmommy · Oct 4, 2008, 05:38 PM

Califdadof3 I am sure you speak from experience. I do not offer legal advice (I am no attorney) I just offer common sense. Mommy is very nervous and wants support monetarily and I'm sure emotionaly. He has the opportunity to do the right thing. Telling him to do nothing is not honerable. Leaving a pregnant. Woman to pay for everything, is selfish. Especially since his own behaviour caused him to be in the position he is in now.

ScottGem · Oct 4, 2008, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by danielnoahsmommy

califdadof3 i am sure you speak from experience. i do not offer legal advice (i am no attorney) i just offer common sense. .

The problem is that this is the Family Law board. So any answers here have to be legally correct. If the OP had asked the question on the Relationships board, then your advice might be more appropriate. If you want to give the correct legal advice, but add your personal feelings about the mother that's also fine. But answers in this forum have to conform to the law.

ScottGem · Oct 4, 2008, 05:49 PM

To the OP. Do you have any doubts or evidence that the child might not be yours? If you have every reason to believe that it is, I would agree to pay half her expenses, but ONLY if she sings an agreement to reimburse you if the child turns out to not be yours.

I also agree that as soon as the baby is born, you file a petition in Family court for paternity test, joint custody and visitation. You wouldn't file for support, let her do that because you are unlikely to get primary physical custody.

shanell08 · Oct 4, 2008, 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

I wouldn't go so far at to pay all expenses. Unless you really have a few thousand dollars that you don't need right now. If you do choos to pay that's great just be prepaired for the worst as well as the best. Legally you can't make an agreement with her as far as I'll pay for your dr and then you'll let me visit you. Just as after the child is born and you file for visitation the court keeps support and visitation separate issues so one dosen't have an affect as far as "you aren't paying so you can't visit" or visa versa "I'm not getting my visitation so I'm not paying".

she has insurance,I thought I pay copays and things like that.I am now sure I am the father, but the timing pan out that way.I really do not want to be with her and she claims if I don't do these things I won't even be called to the hospital for delivery. I won't know until I get court papers.I feel trapped!I really do love kids and want the best for this child if it is mine. I'm just not sure what to do.

shanell08 · Oct 4, 2008, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Do Not give her anything at this point. Instead wait until the bills come in and put your 1/2 into an account until after the baby is born. When the baby is born go right away to court .. dont wait on her. File for visitation and support. Keep in mind as with any newborn that your custody time will be less until the child is older. Make sure to get that in any agreement you make. Make sure you get court ordered DNA testing no matter what she says. When its shown that the baby is yours then you will have the funds to release so you can pay your share. Be prepared to make support payments as the court orders them.

If this is my baby,Why and how long will I have to wait for my time with the child. I would need to bond also! I will have DNA done as soon as possible.What if she don't tell me when the baby is born?

shanell08 · Oct 4, 2008, 06:40 PM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

To the OP. Do you have any doubts or evidence that the child might not be yours? If you have every reason to believe that it is, I would agree to pay half her expenses, but ONLY if she sings an agreement to reimburse you if the child turns out to not be yours.

I also agree that as soon as the baby is born, you file a petition in Family court for paternity test, joint custody and visitation. You wouldn't file for support, let her do that because you are unlikely to get primary physical custody.

If I am the father can I get visitation and have the baby part of the time too? If I pay for medical bills I will get a receipt will that help?

stinawords · Oct 4, 2008, 06:56 PM

Ok as for straight legal advice unless you are positive it is your kid just put the money in an account like said before that way when your court ordered DNA test comes back that you are the father you can pay the money. As far as visitation while the child is still an infant defined as under 12 months of age there are very restricted visitation policies in many states especially if the mother is nursing. However, you will get visitation and after that one year mark it will go up drastically. If you don't want to be with her then do as many have already told you and don't be with her just file for visitation as soon as the child is born. She has already said that she will go to court for support so if she dosen't tell you as soon as the baby is born you know you will be in court then and you file for visitation then. However, I'm sure you will have an idea of when the baby is born just from when she is due and "the grape vine".

shanell08 · Oct 4, 2008, 07:08 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

Ok as for straight legal advice unless you are positive it is your kid just put the money in an account like said before that way when your court ordered DNA test comes back that you are the father you can pay the money. As far as visitation while the child is still an infant defined as under 12 months of age there are very restricted visitation policies in many states especially if the mother is nursing. However, you will get visitation and after that one year mark it will go up drastically. If you don't want to be with her then do as many have already told you and don't be with her just file for visitation as soon as the child is born. She has already said that she will go to court for support so if she dosen't tell you as soon as the baby is born you know you will be in court then and you file for visitation then. However, I'm sure you will have an idea of when the baby is born just from when she is due and "the grape vine".

Thanks for all your help! You've helped me understand a lot.