[Skydiverblnd]

I have a 19 yr old brother who doesn't want to grow up. While my brother doesn't do drugs, doesn't smoke or drink he doesn't act like an adult. He sleeps until 1 or 2 in the afternoon, goes to work and then comes home and sits in front of his computer until 3 sometimes 4 in the morning. He still lives with my parents and is starting his second semester of college, which if he fails he will be kicked out. Also, he still needs to be told to do his household chores which he moans and groans about doing. With all of this, he has been in 3 vehicle accidents in two months (2 his fault) due to his lack of common sense and his stubbornness for thinking he is always right in any situation. My mom wants to put him in the military thinking it will help, but I've been in the military for 11 years and have learned that it isn't for everyone. Does anyone have any suggestions for me or my mother on how to handle this situation? Also, if anyone has any questions for me, please let me know. Thanks.

[Mom of 2]

Since he is 19, it is apparent that he was seldom held accountable for his actions. The only thing that may work in this situation is to show tough love. Set boundaries and state that if "A" doesn't happen (i.e. grades), then "B" will happen. Did he have to pay back for the accidents that he caused? Were the keys taken away from him? The key here is to stick to it and not give in. Apparently he has not had to suffer any consequences, otherwise he would not be doing this behavior. I have a 12-year-old son and he know what is expected. Yes, he gets mad when I follow through with the consequences if he does not do what he is supposed to be doing, but I remind him all of the time that it is my job as a parent to hold him accountable and that as long as he is living under the roof that I am providing, he will follow my rules. I also remind him that even when he is living on his own, he will still need to do the things that I have been asking him to do (i.e. keep his room clean, personal cleanliness, other chores), but the only difference is that I will not be around to remind him to do this or to do the things for him.

[JBeaucaire]

You can't come on here and expect us to give any real meaningful advice for anyone except you. You're here, so we can help you with YOUR behaviors and YOUR goals and YOUR choices.

You can't ask for him, and you can't expect to influence him in any way except one - shaming him by example. Whatever it is he does you know you would never do... well, NEVER DO THAT. Live an exemplary life right in his face and don't apologize for it nor particularly be aggressive either.

Just live better than he does and reap the benefits.

[mckenzie134]

Yeah here's some advice leave him alone!! Im 26 and I go to work in the afternoon and stay on the computer all night and I don't do drugs. And I'm fine. Just because you have grwn up he doesn't need to he is obvioiusly enjoying what he is doing!! Growing up will be done later in life once he has grown up well he won't be abe to go back. He is enjoying his youth. Geeez when I wasn't 19 I moaned abou doing every choir and slept al day and partied at night
Leave him alone...