[jamerp1970]

Does anyone know at what age a child has a say to whom they live with. I was divorced in Massachusettes.

[jamerp1970]

My Ex-wife is constantly calling me and threatening to take me to court for more child support and/or alimony. She will ask me to take the kids on her weekend when she knows I am busy then tell the kids I do not want to take them. She will call me multiple times just to tell me I am a horrible person. I have been divorced for two years and she leves messages for my significant other on how lousy of a person I am. She is trying to find out the name and location of her parents and friends so she can call them and tell them how lousy I am. Unfortunately I signed my life away and got a lousy divorce agreement because I just wanted to be out. I watch my kids while she works at her house three days a week and I have them every other weekend. I jut want her to stop harassing me and just talk about the kids needs. Is there any legal way to stop her from calling. She is consantly questioning me about my personal life and what I am spending my money on and if I can afford to do this or that than I should be giving her mor money. I already give her 2000 dollars a month I pay for all the children's activities, and all of their medical expenses and I can barely survive myself. I just want her to live her own lofe and not worry about mine so much. I'm happy other than this issue

[ChihuahuaMomma]

Depends on the court... I don't know that there is a certain age. This is something, as far as I know, that is to be decided by the judge. If the child is a teen chances are the judge will take their wants into consideration.

[N0help4u]

You need to use Caller ID and not answer the phone. Let the answering machine/voice mail take all her calls and do not reply to ANY. Better yet, if it is a land phone, if possible, tell the phone company that you are getting harassing calls and they will do a free phone number change. They allow you to change it free something like once a year due to harassment

[jamerp1970]

My children are 4 and 6 and I would love to have custody. I believe that their mother is mentally ill, I am not saying this just because I do not like her. The problem is she is smart and comes across as mother of the year when you talk to her. She is not fhysically abusive to them, but I feel she is hurting them mentally. I do not believe it is intentional either. I think the kids would be better off with me, but when I asked my lawyer she said there is no way I will get full custody, and there is no way to prove she is crazy. She is crazy like a fox and she hides it very well, as she did when we first met.

[ChihuahuaMomma]

I would start by finding a lawyer that's not going to tell something is impossible, and find one that will fight for what's right for your children.

Do your children tell you (and their mother) that they want to live with you?

At 4 and 6, I'm not sure the judge will let them even testify. He's going to do what is seemingly in the best interest of the children. Some judges favor the mother, because of the whole maternal thing. Especially at such a young age.

I don't think that it's about her being "crazy as a fox", that's not what you need to prove to the judge. You need to prove that YOU are a good parent.

Start by going to court and requesting more time with your children...

[cdad]

I agree with letting the answering machine get it so that way her communication is recorded. Get the Tape kind so you can save the tapes for reference. Another thing you can do is get a restraining order against her. You can dictate activity so long as its proper. Also what state are you in? That would help answer further.

[jamerp1970]

The problem is that I live about 45 min from them and they are in school during the day. I work till 8pm. I get them ready for school 3 days a week and have them every other weekend. I basically would need to have custody and give her visitation. Then I could get rid of child support and use that money towards child care when they are with me and I am at work. I go to my ex' s house at 4 am so she can work her 16 hours a week and I stay until the kid's are off to school. Then I have to work 50 to 60 hours a week to survive. I feel as if I am between a rock and a hard place. She can live of the 500 dollars of child support a week plus her small income and she is home all of the time with the kids I am with them while she is at work. I have to break my back just to survive. She feels that I still do not give her enough. I am trying to buy a house which should be exciting, but I know she will get all fired up because I should have no life and live in a cardboard box and give her my entire paycheck. The calls and threats will start, and I have to see her face to face 4 pr 5 times a week. I am ready to go crazy myself. I already spent 7k trying to un do my original agreement and did not get much at all. They told me that if I was already doing certain things I could not reverse them. I agreed to things I cannot continue to do in a time of high stress thinking it would be in the best interest of the children and it is really not, it is turning out to benefit my Ex more than the kids and I am the only one who suffers

[jamerp1970]

My divorce was in Massachusettes

[jamerp1970]

Thanks, I would have never thought of that

[stinawords]

While I do agree that you should get a tape recorded answering machine, I don't think you can really change your number because you will still need to be able to hear from her if something happens to the kids. Once you have some harassing calls from her on tape bring the tape(s) in to court and ask the judge to instruct her not to call unless it's an emergency concerning the children. I don't think he/she can actually do a no contact order because in order for you to watch the kids and have them everyother weekend you almost have to have contact unless you have family that the court will approve for pick up and drop off.

[JudyKayTee]

While I do agree that you should get a tape recorded answering machine, I don't think you can really change your number because you will still need to be able to hear from her if something happens to the kids. Once you have some harassing calls from her on tape bring the tape(s) in to court and ask the judge to instruct her not to call unless it's an emergency concerning the children. I don't think he/she can actually do a no contact order because in order for you to watch the kids and have them everyother weekend you almost have to have contact unless you have family that the court will approve for pick up and drop off.

Just saw a very similar situation where first the person receiving the calls taped them, then changed the home number and purchased a cell phone, giving the number ONLY to the ex. Ex could always reach father if children had a problem!

And as far as calling people and telling them how lousy you are - I never know why people listen to these phone calls in the first place and I always figure holding your head up and continuing to live your life is your best proof that she's... well, nuts.

[JudyKayTee]

The problem is that I live about 45 min from them and they are in school during the day. I work till 8pm. I get them ready for school 3 days a week and have them every other weekend. I basically would need to have custody and give her visitation. Then I could get rid of child support and use that money towards child care when they are with me and I am at work. I go to my ex' s house at 4 am so she can work her 16 hours a week and I stay until the kid's are off to school. then I have to work 50 to 60 hours a week to survive. I feel as if I am between a rock and a hard place. She can live of the 500 dollars of child support a week plus her small income and she is home all of the time with the kids I am with them while she is at work. I have to break my back just to survive. She feels that I still do not give her enough. I am trying to buy a house which should be exciting, but I know she will get all fired up because i should have no life and live in a cardboard box and give her my entire paycheck. The calls and threats will start, and I have to see her face to face 4 pr 5 times a week. I am ready to go crazy myself. I already spent 7k trying to un do my original agreement and did not get much at all. They told me that if I was already doing certain things I could not reverse them. I agreed to things I cannot continue to do in a time of high stress thinking it would be in the best intrest of the children and it is really not, it is turning out to benefit my Ex more than the kids and I am the only one who suffers

Legally - you would have to go back to the Court and file for a modification, citing significantly changed circumstances.

If you have already attempted this and the Court has refused you there is little or nothing you can do but give it some time and then reapply for relief.

If she is a danger to the children - mentally, physically - then you have to gather up your proof and take that before a Judge.

I hesitate to even recommend this because your children need you. You divorced their mother, not them BUT if you are under this much stress perhaps you need to either speak to a professional about how to handle your resentment and anger OR simply take a break from the visitation schedule. Again, these children need their father BUT if the visitation is more than you can handle I'm sure it shows, I'm sure they know, and perhaps you simply need a break.

I honestly wish I had magic words for you but, unfortunately, I do not - other than you have to find a way to put some peace in your life or you will be no good to anyone, including yourself.

[ScottGem]

To answer your original question the age is 18. In no US state does a minor child get to say who they live with. They can express their preference, but the decision is always left up to a judge. At your children's young age, their preferences might not be even listened to.

You NEED to get a Family Law attorney who can advise you how to prepare a case for a change of custody. That's the only way you will change things.

I've merged your two threads since its all part of the same issue. It doesn't help to create multiple threads for the same issue

[cdad]

How was you child support based ? Did they also include your extra hours ? Im asking because under normal circumstances they can not require you to work overtime and if they try to do that then you can ask the courts that they remand her to do the same. If she's not working full time then its by choice and it wouldn't be fair nor in the best interest of the children for you alone to make up the difference. They can also count up her time to full time and that would be the figure they enter into the formula for child support. Both parents are suppose to contribute eaqually to the child. ( doesn't mean exact dollar for dollar it's a percentage )

[kgurneal]

I am currently at the end of my custody fight. My daughter desperately wants to live with me and thing are going in myfavor. I asked my attorney that exact question and he said that there is no set age that is depends on the child's maturity.

[ScottGem]

I am currently at the end of my custody fight. My daughter desperately wants to live with me and thing are going in myfavor. I asked my attorney that exact question and he said that there is no set age that is depends on the childs maturity.

Your attorney didn't explain it properly. While what he said is true, the thing is that a minor child doesn't make the decision. They can express their preference, but the decision is the judge's based on what the judge feels is in the best interests of the child.

Some areas have guidelines that specifiy ages where the judge must listen to the child. But in all US states the decision is the judge's not the child's.

[Cailleac Bhuer]

Does anyone know at what age a child has a say to whom they live with. I was divorced in Massachusettes.

Not sure of Mass, but in CA and most other states, once a child is 14 the judge will honor the child's wishs if the child can give a rational reason as to why. Before that age, the child really has to convince the mediator so the mediator can help the child be in the location that is in the child's best interest and then present that to the judge.

And yes, get caller id, do not answer the phone it is her or you do not recognize the number calling in. those messages are admissible as to evidence. Bad part about that is it could be one of your kids calling and you miss it. SO, a way around that is to answer it if you think it is one of the kids answer it but if it is her calling to yell at you, make an excuse like a pot is boiling over on the stove, can she call you back in a few minutes and then let the answering device pick up.

[cdad]

Not sure of Mass, but in CA and most other states, once a child is 14 the judge will honor hte childs wishs if the child can give a rational reason as to why. Before that age, the child really has to convince the mediator so the mediator can help the child be in the location that is in the child's best interest and then present that to the judge.

And yes, get caller id, do not answer the phone it is her or you do not recognize the number calling in. those messages are admissible as to evidence. Bad part about that is it could be one of your kids calling and you miss it. SO, a way around that is to answer it if you think it is one of the kids answer it but if it is her calling to yell at you, make an excuse like a pot is boiling over on the stove, can she call you back in a few minutes and then let the answering device pick up.

Do you have any reference to the part about a judge does what a child says ? Also children are not allowed at mediation. That's forbidden. Mediation is a time for parents to try to reach an agreement. A mediators job is to help guide as well as make sure both sides play fair. To give a child of 14 that kind of power would be wrong in its principle. Also going by that the child could say they want to live with grandma ? Id really like to see where that comes in. Children do have some influence but in no way can they rule the court. Maybe you misspoke or I missunderstood.. did you mean evaluator ?

[ScottGem]

in CA and most other states, once a child is 14 the judge will honor hte childs wishs if the child can give a rational reason as to why.

In other words, the judge makes the decision NOT the child. The judge will generally listen to the child, but will make the decision based on the best interests of the child. Which is what has been previously noted.