[darkday65]

Hello everyone
I have a situation which I know a lot of you have probably been through. Well my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me two days ago. We've been together since high school I am 19 and she is 20. I just can't get over her. She's in my mind 24/7. I am depressed all the time. It keeps getting worse. It was my fault that she broke up with me. I just started being some controlling jealous freak. I was never like this and it just started I don't know why. I guess I just didn't want to get hurt.

I would hate it when she would hang out with this certain friend because she is a bad influence to her. Her friend does drugs and cheats on her boyfriend and each time she hung out with her she would always be pissed at me. I'm guessing because her friend is free to do whatever she wants and she can't. And I would keep her from doing other things. I know I brought this upon myself but is there anything I could do to try and make it better. I try calling her but she hates me and tells me nasty stuff.

I love her a lot I've done everything for her and I just care about her. Is there any way she would take me back? Or should I just move on? I now I should move on but I just can't let go. I can't imagine her being with someone else, that tears me apart. Why is it when someone loves someone they tend to change?

[talaniman]

People change as they get older regardless of a relationship or not.

Your challenge is to move on, and cope with this loss, and rebuild your life without her in it. We all know that the end of a 4 year relationship will take a lot of grief and mourning before you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, we have all dealt with it, so your not alone.

Click on the links in my signature, for a lot of good suggestions to help you through this difficult time.

[N0help4u]

You either love enough to allow her to be independent and trust her choices
Or you realize that MAYBE she might end up following their path doing drugs and whatever and you and her have two separate paths which you have to decide can you live with it or NO.
You really can't control her that is no kind of relationship to be in.

[Nina_]

First of all, it's only been two days. This is how it feels the first couple of days. I know it's hard and painful, but you have to make room for time. You will probably hear that a lot, but there's a reason why time is so important. You need to NOT contact her. For me, that's the hardest part (I'm going through a break-up myself... https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ng-246882.html) but I've managed to keep my distance and it's working for me. By calling her you're only making it easier for her to push you away. You're also making it easier for her to say those nasty things, and that's just not right. Now, I don't know the whole story, but does she really have a reason to hate you? Hate is a strong word. Think about it, you're so hurt and blinded right now I don't think you can see through.

You're being way to harch on yourself. I don't really think that everything was your fault. Sure you made some mistake, but I don't think they're as big as you think they are. Something is not right if she got mad because (well, no reason at all.. ) her friend had more "freedom". You're taking all the blame. Don't. Think again and don't let her walk all over you. And do NOT contact her! Give her space, give yourself a chance to see through.

[darkday65]

OK I did something I shouldn't have done. I called her but she didn't answer. Then I went to her house. It turns out that she went out with her friend to some party :( . She never does this. I don't know what to do. It's almost midnight and she's not back. She's never out this late. I'm worried. What if some guy is taking advantage of her. This sucks. This is the worst feeling I have felt in a long time.

[N0help4u]

IF some guy is taking advantage of her more than likely she is allowing him to and nothing you can do about it you ARE broke up and have no say in what she does now. What do you think you can possibly do other than asking her if you two can talk and try to work things out and even if you do that she can simply say NO.

[darkday65]

You're right then what am I suppose to do? This is like torture for me. I hate my life right now

[N0help4u]

You let her go and get on with your life. Try having a heart to heart discussion with her and tell her that if and when she is ever ready to come back your door is open. You can not MAKE anybody love you.

[Janmarie]

I know that you don't want to hear the words "move on" and you just want someone to say she'll be back in your life. Our lives are actually here to teach us something about ourselves and our relationships are no different.
You are 19 and she is 20 and there are so many more lessons to be learned and so much more growing up to do. Look at this problem or challenge as an opportunity to discover the deeper facets about you.

Ask yourself, "what did this relationship teach me about myself? Don't beat yourself up when you discover your mistakes and don't be discouraged. Just get curious about it. Awareness is a judgement free noticing of a mistake and awareness is all you need to facilitate resolution.

And seriously, you need to stop obssessing yourself over her, you are only driving yourself mad. Take a break and stop thinking.

[darkday65]

It's just so hard moving on. I guess this will just be another chapter in my life. I'm going to try and not let this get me down.

[Janmarie]

It's just so hard moving on. I guess this will just be another chapter in my life. I'm going to try and not let this get me down.

Anyone who has ever had to "move on" can and will tell you it is just plain hard and trust me you don't want to just "hang" out here in this state you are in. The only way it gets better is when you allow it to.

Instead of looking to see how to hold onto someones love, show up each day as a person who is willing to be loved which means no matter how painful it is at this moment...your fears and anxiety are only telling you that you are resisting the fact that you broke up and it is keeping you from actually being able to move forward.

[darkday65]

Thanks janmarie I actually fell kind of better. From now on I'm just going to think about the future. I should also start talking to my old friends since she made me stop talking to them. I'm pretty sure I can get over this.

[Janmarie]

You are very welcome and Yes you can and you will get over this. Like someone else had said....time is your friend. How long it takes is entirely up to you.

Something else that you may want to try to speed up the process is to not dwell on the negetive. Remember that thoughts have energy and the more we focus on the negative the stronger it becomes and sticks to us like glue. The more we focus on what we think was wrong about the person or situation, the more we keep ourselves locked into the pain and the healing process will take longer or not even at all.

Focus instead on what you liked and loved about this person and what you appriciated about them. This is going to take practice but little by little you will begin to see an amazing shift in your ownself as well as how you respond to her from that point on.

Get with your friends and don't allow yourself to talk negative about her or allow them to as well.....remember that you are healing and moving on and you need encouragement not fuel for the pain.

Also one other thing....laughter is good for the soul even when you don't feel like it. Having a sense of humor about yourself when you begin to discover the little relationship mistakes will not only speed up your results but will give you some laughs along the way. We've all had those moments where we have said to ourselves, "What was I thinking?"

And when times get a little rough just come back here and know that someone on this site will have just the precise words to help keep your spirits up and support you through this :-)

[HighandDryinnNy]

Um first of all you have been together through high school. I wouldn't blame all of this on yourself. Curiosity is a natural thing, and she was curious about the life her friend leads. You are only young once my friend, I say this is probably the best opportunity that's happened to you in a while. You can experience things you wouldn't have before. 4 years is a lot of strong emotions, probably each others first etc etc blah blah blah - but guess what? You have another chance at life, now you can do what you want when you want with who you want and that feels GREAT ( just ask your ex)
p.s girls expect their man to pine over them when the breakup happens (take this from experience hun) so when you don't and she hears how awesome your doing, her ego is going to hurt. I'm telling you, fake it till you make it, smile when your sad, go out as much as possible do everything you can - delete her myspace from yours, get rid of that cute stuffed animal she got you 2 yrs ago- it sucks at first but I'm telling you, it gets better.
Oh and the control freak jealousy, cut it out NOW- that just says you have no self esteem when you have to stalk your girl, which is not the only but one of many reasons you are broken up. Self confidence (even faked) is hottttt
Hope this helps

[darkday65]

Thanks all of you. Right now I have the best time I'm drunk and my ex calls and she hears the loud music and she asks where am I and I said I don't know you broke my heart so I'm at the perfect spot she got really mad it didn't bother me I missed hanging out with my friends it made me get over her really fast hopefully I don't wake up regretting something lol nah but yea you guys gave me some good advice and I really appreciate it I won't get hung over sum girl and I will stop that whole jeolousy crap which is no fun I'm enjoying myself something I haven't done in a long time.

[darkday65]

I agree with 100 percent HighandDryinnNy

[ordinaryguy]

I should also start talking to my old friends since she made me stop talking to them.

This is a big red flag. Any relationship that can't tolerate other friendships by each, is unhealthy. You need to renew those friendships and make up for lost time.

[Romefalls19]

Read the stickies at the top of the forum, cut off all contact with her, show her that you are a man and are better off without her. It will take time but you will heal and find peace and happiness

[darkday65]

Ok so yesterday my ex calls me asking me if I wanted to go over her house. So I decided to go. We ended up cooking spaghetti and watching a movie. After that we started kissing and fooling around. And we got back together. She told me she loved me. I then left, and two hours later I called her and as soon as she answered she seemed really pissed off. She told me she didn't want to be with me anymore and I asked her why. And she said she doesn't love me and wants to be free. What I want to know is why is she playing with my emotions? One minute she loves me the next she doesn't. Do you guys think she's seeing someone else? I don't think this is fair. I haven't talked to her since then. What should I do now?

[Romefalls19]

You don't talk to her! Stop even picking up the phone when she calls, definitely don't go over her house! You need to realize the relationship is over and she is just toying with you. You have officially become her personal Yo-Yo