[bcoberly]

I'm 22 and I have been dating the same girl for three years. It was kind of scary at first because the second day we hung out she told me she was in love with me. I wasn't really into being in a relationship at the time and still wanted my freedom. She was really needy in the beginning and I put with it, because we had so much fun going to the movies or the park or anything like that. Everyday was getting better, I was starting to fall for her more everyday. I still had my doubts though about not being single. I felt like maybe I was still missing out. Well I'm in a band so girls would leave me comments on myspace and I would just leave them there not even having second thoughts. Well she later saw these comments and told me to delete them. I guess it made her jealous and insecure. She though that since I met her online that I was going to do the same thing with another girl. I told I wouldn't and that the comment meant nothing. Well everynow and then I'd let comments on the website that I thought were harmless, but she still got mad and started to lose trust in me. I just thought it was insane that she would get so upset about it. Well ever since that trust issue our relationship went down hill for the next year. We still went places, she was there for me during a time when I was dealing with really bad panic attacks, I still loved her with all my heart. We got along so well for the most part because we enjoyed the same music, movies, entertainment. We had basically the same setiment and I felt like we could do anything together and be comfortable together. We just had problems brewing beneath the surface that we would never confront. After the first year and half, we both decided to break up or at least take a break. We seemed to have enough each. I had gotten drunk sometimes and in my frustration broke up with her several times and basically I became a real jerk sometimes.

After the first break up, we missed each other so much after the first couple days that we just ended up getting back together, except we weren't "boyfriend, and girlfriend." It considered a break except we acted just like boyfriend and girlfriend. During this time we spent a lot of time at her new apartment and went various places and were still very intimate, however the spark wasn't really there. I still loved her to death, because I wanted to explore. I ended up handing out with other girls, but not actually doing anything with them just friendly visits. I also ended up changing jobs during this time, due to my disorder and she was very supportive to me. We had tons of laughs, but the arguments started to become more frequent. It was very hard to get along with her over time and she seemed to snap at everything I said. It was difficult to say the least. I really wanted to get along with her but at some point it just wasn't working. We still saw each other and we romantic together. We both yelling and screamed sometimes and the fights were almost everyday. When I was in training for the new job I didn't even go to her apartment for a week and then on a Friday when I started my job we got into just a mild argument about one her friends that does oil changes. This eventually let to her sending me texts messages the following Tuesday that said that she didn't love me anymore. She found a "real" man, and when I called her friend answered and mocked me and I heard her say she was going to change her phone number. She was obviously drunk with work friends at some bar somewhere. To say the least I was crushed at how she was acting. I guess she brought my clothes over to my best friends house and got into a fight with his mom about me, because she stuck up for me. It was basically the most immature way to end a two year relationship at the time. I was pretty much stunned and majorly depressed for about two weeks. The third I started to go on dates again to lower the pain, I still hurt very hard. I had to work part time at my job because I could bear to be there for 8 hours. The only good side at the time was a mutual friend who kept the contact between my ex and I. She yelled at my ex and told her how immature she was and that she could lose her friends based on how the break up was handled. So one week after that she called me back and asked if wanted to meet her at Starbucks and talk. I was so happy after that call. I couldn't believe she would actually want to talk after all we had been through both the good and bad. So I met up with that day and we talked and we talked about what went wrong. She said she was hungry so then we went to Subway and after we ate I asked her if she wanted to go home and she declined. So we just ended up hanging out all night and I spent the night. I couldn't believe I was back there after a months break up. It was pretty surreal to say the least. Well this overnight stay resulted with us getting officially back together. It was almost exactly how our relationship was the first year except I was in love with her for real. We spent every waking minute together, we laughed, we cried. She told me no matter how many times we break up we will always get back together because our love it just too strong. I agreed with this. During this time, my dad had gotten ill with a prostate disorder and it was very rough for me and when he was in the hospital, she was there by my side through it all and my family loved her still. Even her family which I had a spent a lot of time with had gotten over the break and all the bad things they she had said about me. Another Thanksgiving and Christmas were spent together and with her family. I hung out with work friends during this time a lot. Everything was great! I even starting working full time at a new job which was way better and went to bartending school and had a few jobs lined up already. In January, though we started to fight again however. The fights which were still few and far between we bad... it would come to her shoving me or getting in my face and I would have to restrain her. It's wasn't healthy at all at the time. We still loved each other but it was getting violent at times. We hadn't been sexual in almost a month, which was bad. I just didn't have the desire to be with her that way. That was my fault. So our last stand was on Valentines weekend 2008. I rented a really nice hotel room in northern Arizona and we had a great time in the snow, except she bought sexy clothes to wear for me and I pretty much blew her off. I don't know, I guess I just didn't care at the time. Plus I was drinking a having a good time and I didn't give her the attention she desired. After a few weeks we still saw each other, I mostly sick the next two weeks, but we still got along. We still loved each other.

The last day we spent together was on Feb 25 a Sunday. I had went out with my friends the night before and she called me in the morning. I told her that I was sad. I wish I could see her and asked if I could come by before I had to work a few hours overtime. She agreed and I brought my laptop and I could tell we were so content with each other in those few hours. When I left to go to work, I couldn't wait to get back to be with again and just relax. In fact I called off band practice, which I never do, just to spend time with her.
She came to visit me after work which was really sweet and we just hugged each other. Then we drove home and instead of going out just laid with each other on the couch. I told her with tears in my eyes that I never wanted to go through a break up with her again and that I was IN LOVE with her. She told me she was so in love with me too and we just laid there. It was perfect for that moment. The next day we both went to work and after work I went to my best friends house because an another friend of mine was going to bagdad the next day and I wanted to spend time with him. I ended up drinking enough to become over confident. My girl called and wanted to come over to our friends house with me and so I was excited and said yes please! She called before she parked and told me to go outside and greet her. I looked around but couldn't find her anywhere. I walked around for five minutes. I just decided to go inside and either she'll call me or she come to the door. Well she come to the door but she was pissed and accused me of not looking for her which I did. We eventually got into a heated argument in front of my friend and I lead her out the door and said don't argue with me bye! She called my name outside but I ignored her and went about my business inside. She asked for my key back and I gave it to her. She drove away and that was that. She told me she didn't want to hear from again. I felt really upset about the situation 30 minutes later and drove to her apt, but she told me to leave and that she was calling her dad. I left and called her back another 30 minutes later and her dad told me that it was over and that he was going to bring my things to his house and give them to me there. I drove over there and got my things and went home. I cried about her for hours that night and into the morning. Work had been hell for weeks now. I had some other things of mine still at house that I needed, so I tried to contact our mutual friend again, but I could not get in contact with her. Eventually, I called her at work and told her that I need my papers back and she told me to not call her a work and that her dad would call again. I shouldn't have called her but I really need those things. Her dad called me that night and basically told me to not call her and he has my things and that if I called her again at work then they might put a restraining order on me! That was so crazy because it wasn't like I was stalking her. I wouldnt' have to tried to call her if I didn't need my papers! So I went to her dads house again and had a nice insightful conversation with him. He told me that they would miss me to some extent and that his daughter would always have a place in her heart for me. Now it's been a month since I last heard for her and I think she still loves me. There is no way in my mind that she could have just forgot about me. I know it's crazy but I still long to be with her again one day. Or least talk to her one last time. The only thing I have done since is sent her a card in the mail just apologizing for mistreating her. Luckily my friends and family have been very supportive to me and of course my guys friends are trying to get me laid, but no women could compare to her. I helped our mutual friend move yesterday and she told me she still might have feelings for me. Which just fuels my passion. I know you are all going to tell me to move on, but what if you are so certain that you are both still in love that it kills you? Any advice would helps guys. Thanks!

[N0help4u]

It sounds like she was overly insecure and made fights out of her insecurity.
Not sure cause you didn't really say what you would fight about.
But if someone in a relationship is insecure and always accusing then it is hard to have a stable relationship. Sounds to me like she may need to do some growing up before she can accept your relationship in a serious committed manner.
I am not so sure you should wait around for her because she could have herself dead set on not getting back with you.
IF she does get back you need to go over the details of where and how things went wrong and how to better handle them so you don't run into the same issues.
Also don't disappoint her.
Give the site over to someone else in the band and make it the bands site or something that makes it not look like it is all about you so much in her eyes.
You might want to do that anyway because she could still be checking in on your myspace to see what's up with you. Maybe even put up a simple little space on it that says ______'s heart belongs to______.
Also one thing to keep in mind for future reference, I can say you did wrong for sure was you got a hotel so she is thinking and expecting this great romantic get away and you go hang out with your buddies! I would be fuming too. You shattered her with that one.

[bcoberly]

The hotel situation, we were alone on that trip. Sorry I must have typed that out wrong. I spend the whole time with her. :-) Lets just say the fights were stupid and meaningless. But she would blame on the face that she never got over the whole myspace... girl incidents that were actually on my personal myspace not on the band page. Forgot to mention that too. I just think we have too many chances. The thing is so it seemed like eventually I made all the comprimises and she stayed the same.

[N0help4u]

I made all the comprimises and she stayed the same.

That is what I gathered. They say there are two sides to every story but I am usually good with reading between the lines and the human nature and how people react and so forth.
If you want her back you maybe should either get rid of the myspace or put up the
______'s heart belongs to_______ cause she could be checking it.
Other than that all you can do is get on with your life and if she comes back and you aren't with somebody else then you can work it out... if you want.

[talaniman]

It's a thin line, between love, and hate, and you two have blurred the line. Neither of you is willing to work together, to solve your problems, so they will always pop up, to create chaos. End this thing, and be done with it, and maybe you'll both grow up. For now leave that nut alone, and let the emotional dust settle, and do not have any more contact with each other. This relationship is tainted, and needs to be buried. Hope you enjoyed the good times, while they lasted. You two are dyfunctional as a couple.

[bcoberly]

Basically we are. Its sad that we couldn't be a couple because for me, it was mostly positive instead of negative. The only thing I could hope for is to at least have some dialog with her. I'd really like to hear how she feels about it. I still love and care about her. When I wake up I still feel really alone and depressed. I think in another month I should be back to normal. I'm kind of excited to see what's new for me. As for saying my heart belongs to her, I don't think that would work. I've always heard, play like you are not interested and they might come back. So I'm sticking to that plan. Thanks for all the advice though!!

[N0help4u]

Playing like you aren't interested is good in that they could realize how much they miss you
And if they don't then you weren't beating yourself up trying to win them back.

[bcoberly]

Exactly, I'm sure we'll end up talking again, because I hang out with her best friend a lot... who by the way was my friend first! They met through me. The only that would hurt though is to see her with another guy...

[talaniman]

The only that would hurt though is to see her with another guy...

That would suck.