[fredshell]

I am wanting to give up my parental rights as a father, my children do not want to see me they do not want anything to do with me. If I give up my parental rights, do I still have to pay child support?

[simoneaugie]

Hopefully someone who is an expert in this area will come along and give you a firm answer. What I have learned from them is that you are responsible for any and all children you have fathered. You must pay child support whether you have contact with the children or not. Child support must be paid even if you give up your parental rights.

[ldyastrid]

Giving up parental rights takes away all obligations to your children. Child Support would not have to be paid after parental rights are taken away or given up.

This is so sad! Please think very hard before doing this! Is this more about wanting to stop paying Child Support?

There's a lot that you aren't saying - how old are the children, how much have you been involved in their lives, why your children don't want to see you, what's the relationship between you and their mother... there's a lot that goes into this.

Children need their parents - both of them. The kids may see this as "he doesn't love us enough to BE our father and wants to get rid of us". Have you talked to the kids about their feelings? Being abandoned by a parent is devastating to a child - I'm picturing their mother saying "your father doesn't love you and wants nothing to do with you so he wants to go to court to say he's not your father anymore".

You will need a lawyer to give up your parental rights... but PLEASE search your soul before making such a drastic move.

[Allheart]

Hi, I you received great gudiance and advice above.

I can only offer you support. Don't let your hurt heart guide you to do something that may just cause you further hurt.

Kids are funny - you may think they don't want anything to do with you, but you have to remember, they are under the strain of the situation as well.

Take some time and let your emotions calm a bit. I completely understand your hurt or better I can only try to understand... but if you can prevent further hurt... better to take that route.

Hang in there Dad... us kids outwardly actions may say we don't care, but our hearts don't.

Give it more time and I am so sorry for the obvious pain you must be in.

[life1973happened]

Dear Fredshell...
One thing I know with 100% certainty, as a mother, we (parents) are imperfect and we mess up sometimes. However, we also love our children unconditionally, 100% of the time. You are a privileged man, and I think you have lost sight of that because of the feeling your children have toward you.

Do you think trying to give up those rights will accomplish your goal? Will it help to show your children that you really do love them? Will it eliminate the feelings they have about you, by giving up those rights, and subside their anger?

No, to all the above?

The most important part of this response, the part I need you to hear is simply this; We are the adults, they are children. Children, even 17 years of age, can not grasp the true understanding to feelings they have and why. Trying to eliminate those rights will forever send a message to these children that you gave up. YOU GAVE UP! I capitalize for one reason fredshell and that's because that is how it will feel to them if you try to do just that. It will only help to solidify in their heads that you don't love them, or care.

Children and even our significant other, needs to know they are worth fighting for. Hear me, they need to feel that they are on solid ground, that you will always be there. Regardless, of their imperfections you will fight through it and you will fight to show them how much you love them. That's a tough job, one that I can appreciate but its an honor and one that you have to always be aware of.

Children cannot be given back, or walked away from because they act like children. Do you realize they are just kids? They do not think with mature, clear, decisive methods. They are doing what they know to do and that's okay. We don't want our kids to grow up to quickly and therefore we can't expect them to know how to deal with pain, anger, frustration as adults do. It's our job as parents to show them, guide them and teach them all the days of our lives.

You are about to send your children the wrong message my friend. Remember that you are their mirror. They are watching you and without even knowing it you are about to teach them a very difficult lesson about love, loss and giving up and in.

You have to show your children how much you love them even when its difficult. I can tell you when I was younger and angry at my parents, the anger was from me feeling hurt about something and my way to respond was to be angry inside.

When one area of us feels jealous, angry, resentful, hateful, scared, there is a reason. If we do not understand how to listen to ourselves, we miss the message of the part and it acts out more. Which is what your children are doing.

Help children to integrate the different parts of them. Sometimes feelings are uncomfortable so the angry side for example breaks off, and is triggered constantly by others.

Fredshell, I don't expect it to be easy for you to talk to them right now, or for them to listen at this point. So why not write them a letter. It will mean more as each day goes by. Write to them how much you love them but how hard they are making it for you to be involved in their lives but that you are not going anywhere. Tell them how they are worth fighting for no matter what they throw at you, you are still going to be there standing strong, firm and unwavering in the love you have for them.

[Synnen]

Giving up parental rights almost never absolves someone of parental obligation.

Rights are the right to choose medical care, schooling, religion, etc.

Obligations are child support and insurance.

You have the RIGHT to decide how your child is raise.

You have the OBLIGATION to provide for children you've brought into this world.

[ldyastrid]

... Synnen disagrees: Very VERY seldom does giving up parental rights absolve someone of parental obligation. Child support would still need to be paid.

After speaking with Child Support in Wisconsin... Child Support ends with the termination of parental rights... however if there are arrears or any other moneys owed prior to the termination, those still need to be paid.

It may be different in other states, but I doubt it.

[ldyastrid]

::::: Very VERY seldom does giving up parental rights absolve someone of parental obligation. Child support would still need to be paid. :::::


I need to correct a misunderstanding that I have facilitated...

TERMINATION of parental rights would stop Child Support payments - it would not clear up any arrears that accumulated, just prevent further payments to be made.

Signing over or voluntarily giving up parental rights is a different thing - and it's not terminating the rights, it's giving up any say in the child's life, but doesn't stop child support.

My apologies for the misunderstanding.