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Allheart · Feb 26, 2008, 04:57 PM

I've spend the past couple of hours crying - steady flow. Hubby's sleeping so maybe I thought it a good time to just let it out.

Events of yesterday and Mom giving me a nice kick to the heart just took me down.
Why can't I bounce back anymore?

It's like I can't take anymore hurts. No more. There's no more room in the Inn. I just seem to get hit and can't bounce back as always.

My heart is just so sad. I'm not depressed... I can see, hear, walk, talk, but my heart
Just couldn't be heavier.

Hubby says I need to toughen up. Yeh, okay, that will happen.

Things effect me that shouldn't. I'm just tired of hurting. Hurting for people I don't even know, I do know, who could care less, who do love me and on an on.

And then I feel so awful as I have visions of people really suffering.

I just want to go off by myself and heal. I'm just tired of all the hurt in the world.

I see pictures of Britney, that are not nice... and I feel bad. Sad for her, worried if she is okay...

I just want to heal and hurt no more.

savedsinner7 · Feb 26, 2008, 05:03 PM

Do you believe in God?

Allheart · Feb 26, 2008, 05:04 PM

More then anything.

savedsinner7 · Feb 26, 2008, 05:05 PM

Then give Him the burdens of your heart. He has made you aware of others pain so that you can intercede for them.

Allheart · Feb 26, 2008, 05:07 PM

I love you and thank you so much. Those few words make incredible sense.

Thank you again.

And sorry if I am upsetting anyone I don't mean to.

Bless you SS.

savedsinner7 · Feb 26, 2008, 05:09 PM

You are very welcome. I hope that Jesus gives you peace as you pray.

Allheart · Feb 26, 2008, 05:10 PM

I do feel peace slowly visiting me:).. And I am smiling now thank you again.

I'm not one to reach out at all... but I knew I had to and bless you for being there.

Your words helped so much.

savedsinner7 · Feb 26, 2008, 05:12 PM

You have an awesome gift to be able to love so deeply.

Allheart · Feb 26, 2008, 05:14 PM

:) Can I return this gift :) :LOL

Believe me, it's not voluntary ( and that is awful to say) but it's not always fun.
I guess I just had a one two punch... but I do love to love :).

Saved Sinner, when you rest your eyes tonight, and for many night, please tell yourself what a huge diffrence you have made to me.

Seeing it the way you said it, just helped to lift my heart.

Thank you so much.

savedsinner7 · Feb 26, 2008, 05:17 PM

I sent you my number if you ever want to call and talk.

Allheart · Feb 26, 2008, 05:22 PM

I got it SS thank you so much and did respond.

God is so good to have brought you to me tonight.

Can you help my swollen eyes, like you did my heart :)

Bless you again.

savedsinner7 · Feb 26, 2008, 05:24 PM

Get a bag of frozen peas and put in on your eyes. :)

Allheart · Feb 26, 2008, 05:27 PM

LOL that's about all frozen peas are good for yes?? Ick them and limba beans.

You made a world of difference.

Bottle that Sunshine :)

life1973happened · Feb 26, 2008, 06:01 PM

Originally Posted by Allheart

I've spend the past couple of hours crying - steady flow. Hubby's sleeping so maybe I thought it a good time to just let it out.

Events of yesterday and Mom giving me a nice kick to the heart just took me down.
Why can't I bounce back anymore?

It's like I can't take anymore hurts. No more. There's no more room in the Inn. I just seem to get hit and can't bounce back as always.

My heart is just so sad. I'm not depressed ....I can see, hear, walk, talk, but my heart
just couldn't be heavier.

Hubby says I need to toughen up. Yeh, okay, that will happen.

Things effect me that shouldn't. I'm just tired of hurting. Hurting for people I don't even know, I do know, who could care less, who do love me and on an on.

And then I feel so awful as I have visions of people really suffering.

I just want to go off by myself and heal. I'm just tired of all the hurt in the world.

I see pictures of Britney, that are not nice.....and I feel bad. Sad for her, worried if she is okay....

I just want to heal and hurt no more.

I am so familiar with this type of pain right now, just in a different way. However, I have read many of your answers to people and they are wonderful. You have a gift Allheart, but with that gift comes a great deal of pain. When you care, in the sincere way you do, you set yourself up to help carry the burden that others have. That's tough to do sometimes. Your honesty leaves you vulnerable. So while those of us on the receiving end of your gifts are blessed and grateful, we forget I think the price you pay to help us.

I know people do not mean to be selfish, at least I don't, so without further delay...

Thank you for every word of advice you type, every thought you share, every post you respond to. Thank you for walking right beside us, and not in front of, or behind. Thank you for being a beacon in the thick of the fog, for everyone of the 1800 posts (give or take a few hundred) that you have taken time to respond to. I applaud, respect and honor your ability to reach out to anyone of us night or day.

Research shows that the success of therapy has little to do with the expertise of the therapist, but a great deal to do with her values and the respect she shows others. Therapy comes not just in an office but to hundreds you help online. You are our (AMHD) little secret and there looks like many who would like to keep it that way. So Britney, put your duke's up and quit stressing our therapist out!

J_9 · Feb 26, 2008, 06:17 PM

Allheart love, we need to talk. You and I, just like we did last year. Do you still have my number? I NEED to talk to you.

Allheart · Feb 27, 2008, 01:48 AM

First,

I am so sorry. I am just picking this up now. Please know how much I appreciate your words.

I should have listen to Savedsinner and used those frozen peas :). My eyes are killing me.

Life1973 - I love you and I thank you so much for taking the time to share those words with me. I am trying not to cry :), as my eyes look like a prize fighter, but this time they would be tears of incredible gratitude to you. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Life, I do understand what you are saying, truly I do. Life, when someone lets me care for them it is the greatest gift they could give to me. I should thank them. If that makes sense.
From the depths of my heart, I thank you Life. May today bring you nothing but Sunshine.

J-9 of course ditzy Allheart can't find your number. Talk about giving... you are up to your eyeballs in things, and can calmly and lovingly reach out to me as though you have all the time in the word. I felt you love there J. Thank you so much you beautiful giving soul.

Savedsinner - thank you again. I love you deeply. You words lifted me.

All of your words lifted me and again I thank each of you. Please, know, I have so many blessings and I am not ignoring them. I have always held things in and I think the dam just broke a bit. So that's why I posted this as I have hidden, so long and knew I had to accept the sadness in order to fix it.

My hubby, who is not handy, can cook a very good scrabbled egg, but that's the extent of it, did the most adorable thing this morning ( He knows I'm wresting a bit with things).
I came down and by the coffee maker was the can of coffee from the fridge. He said,
I put out the can of coffee for you, but I didn't know how to make it... awwwwwww how sweet is that :).

I keep saying thank you, and I mean it, but it just is not conveying how grateful I am to all of you.

With all the love in my heart,
Allheart

curlybenswife · Feb 27, 2008, 02:36 AM

Oi Lady I tried to return your pm yesterday but you have turnt them off and low and behold yesterday got the better of me no surprises there huh ;)

You know I love you just for who you are and I wouldn't want you to change for the world never have I had a friend so caring and so loving you are a very special person and you have the most amazing soul ever you glow and I bet you're the person that walks into a room and everyone smiles at you.

Don't feel bad about your mum she was just having a bad day and no doubt you just happened to call at the wrong time.
Lots of love and hugs from your adopted daughter and her kids we love you xxxxx

Allheart · Feb 27, 2008, 04:04 AM

Originally Posted by curlybenswife

Oi Lady i tried to return your pm yesterday but you have turnt them off and low and behold yesterday got the better of me no surprises there huh ;)

You know i love you just for who you are and i wouldnt want you to change for the world never have i had a friend so caring and so loving you are a very special person and you have the most amazing soul ever you glow and i bet your the person that walks into a room and everyone smiles at you.

Dont feel bad about your mum she was just having a bad day and no doubt you just happened to call at the wrong time.
Lots of love and hugs from your adopted daughter and her kids we love you xxxxx

I read this and out loud I said, Oh my God how did I get to be so lucky. Ahhh there go the tears. Not bad ones at all.

I thank you so much. I always wanted a daughter... always :). And one to be strong, loving and beautiful as you who has the most beautiful children... So now I am a Mommy for real and Grandmom. Yeeeehaaa!!

But I always wanted to dress my daughter in pink from head to toe... is that okay with you.

Laura, you have noooooooooooooooooooooooooo idea what you mean to me and what your words mean to me.

I am a Mommy falalalalalal :)

Mr. Allheart is talking about getting me a puppy Man I need to cry in public more often...

Please know, I am grateful for so many things, I promise you that.

Now, I must go shopping for all the pink I am going to have you wear dear daughter
And pigtails are a must :)

Love and kisses to my beautiful family.

Thank you everyone and I hope I didn't cause anyone to be upset.

If you don't hear from me it's because I'm under piles of work at work, but I will pop back in to let you know and all of you know how much I love you.

Anyone got any frozen peas ?

Love, Kisses and Hugs,
One very lucky Allheart :)

curlybenswife · Feb 27, 2008, 05:44 AM

Originally Posted by Allheart

I read this and out loud I said, Oh my God how did I get to be so lucky. Ahhh there go the tears. Not bad ones at all.

I thank you so much. I always wanted a daughter...always :). And one to be strong, loving and beautiful as you who has the most beautiful children...So now I am a Mommy for real and Grandmom. Yeeeehaaa!!!!!

But I always wanted to dress my daughter in pink from head to toe....is that okay with you.

Laura, you have noooooooooooooooooooooooooo idea what you mean to me and what your words mean to me.

I am a Mommy falalalalalal :)

Mr. Allheart is talking about getting me a puppy Man I need to cry in public more often...

Please know, I am grateful for so many things, I promise you that.

Now, I must go shopping for all the pink I am going to have you wear dear daughter
And pigtails are a must :)

Love and kisses to my beautiful family.

Thank you everyone and I hope I didn't cause anyone to be upset.

If you don't hear from me it's because I'm under piles of work at work, but I will pop back in to let you know and all of you know how much I love you.

Anyone got any frozen peas ?

Love, Kisses and Hugs,
One very lucky Allheart :)

Hahahahaha oh I'm so thankfull I don't have a scanner you would die at the pictures of me as a kid in little pink dress's and pink ribbons in my hair hehehehehe scary thought no wonder I'm not very girly now :)
Millie likes pink though and dinosaurs tee hee Keep smiling hunny we love you xxx

HistorianChick · Feb 27, 2008, 10:13 AM

Dearest Allheart, (this will be a letter written just to you, rather than a post in a forum)

My heart is saddened to read of your recent heartache. As another soul that yearns to fix the problems of those I care about and those that I hardly know, I pray that you will be able to truly realize the difference that you are making.

Your world is one in which you see the best in people, the beautiful possibilities, the sparkly moments. Yours is a special outlook - not "rosy glasses" but true, honest goodness... all heart. You have an innate ability to reach across the world to a hurting soul and spread the healing balm simply with your words. You make a difference. Your world is one that overflows into the tragedies and heartaches living in the hearts of the hurting teens and desperate people on AMHD. Your advice, your wisdom, your love touches and heals.

You are making a difference. You are affecting the world. You are living the immortal words of Emily inson:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

You are not living in vain. You are not living without influence. You are touching the hurting, easing the pain of the aching hearts, lifting the souls of the fainting, and helping the lost find their way again. This is living with purpose... truly "not living in vain."

My dear Allheart, you have made a difference in my life. You have shown me that love can conquer obstacles and make a person realize that they are worth being loved - and loving in return. You have inspired me, personally.

You have added another shiny rainbow into my life's story. You've helped create beautiful moments that give their shimmer to my path.

And the essence of your thoughts and heart will appear in my book. Yes, my book. With the help of life1973, I've decided that I'm going to take that leap and write a book. A book about love. A book about life. A book about surviving and singing at the same time. A book about living for every moment. Every shiny moment counts.

So, my sweet, hold that beautiful head up high and face the unknown tomorrow. Face that possibility with the courage and love that you call your own. Wipe your knees, dry your eyes, and stand. We are all here for you - when you're standing firm or when you need a hand to pull you up - we are here.

All my love,
HistorianChick