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Braden23 · Feb 8, 2008, 02:29 PM

If you cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend and don't tell them, what are the consequences? Can the relationship ever be the same? Will it come out eventually? Can you get away with it? Will it come back on you? I ask because I have a friend who did this, and am curious about what happens if you don't come clean.

talaniman · Feb 8, 2008, 02:41 PM

I think you carry the guilt around with you, and have to tell a lot of lies, to keep it covered up.

Braden23 · Feb 8, 2008, 02:44 PM

If you cheat on someone and don't tell them, will it come back to you somehow?

wewed100606 · Feb 8, 2008, 02:47 PM

It will eventually rear its ugly head. No matter how deep it seems buried. If it was a mistake and he feels remorse, best bring it to the forefront pronto and deal with it. If it is not brought out, then later on the cheating becomes less of an issue, and the lies to cover it up become a trust issue. I would much rather deal with a dumb mistake I was sorry for than days, weeks, months, possibly years of lies to cover it up.

This advice is coming from someone who is dealing with this RIGHT NOW. My cheating meant nothing to me. It was a stupid insecurity/fear comfort thing that really had no value in the grand scheme of things. If I would have been honest in the beginning, a lot would be different. I might not be married. But at least I wouldn't be battling with the love of my life trying to earn her trust back, I would just be asking to excuse one mistake, not a hundred.

No matter what it has to do with, the truth is always best. It may seem like an unbearable pain or discomfort, but it is nothing compared to what it could be.

I hope for my sake people deserve a second chance. It will be a long journey.

wewed100606 · Feb 8, 2008, 02:49 PM

Yup... I responded to your other post... read there ;-)

Robert7x · Feb 8, 2008, 02:49 PM

I hope it does... I can't stand cheaters. If you want to explore the world by having sex with other people etc... you should break up with the one you're with now.

Curlyben · Feb 8, 2008, 02:59 PM

>Two Threads Merged<

Delow84 · Feb 8, 2008, 03:23 PM

Karma man, karma. Eventually people find out, and even if they don't YOU know and it may not feel like it's a big deal or what not at first... but those kind of secrets are like a cancer... just get worse and worse.

dansk · Feb 8, 2008, 03:37 PM

Maybe someday when that person is happy with someone else..

Thinking everything is perfect.. that person might do the same
To him/her.. and then they will truly know how it feels to be cheated
On. (just an example)

Yes karma.

It always haunts!

duck22 · Feb 8, 2008, 04:14 PM

What goes around comes around, sounds cliché but its true. How would you feel if your girl/guy cheated on you and didn't tell you? If your honest about it, there's a chance for forgiveness.

Chameleon · Feb 8, 2008, 04:53 PM

I know that if my husband ever cheated on me, I'd want him to come clean with me. Guilt like that festers and will eventually begin to ruin the relationship. My ex cheated on me, and when I found out, I was more hurt about the lies than the actual indiscretion.

N0help4u · Feb 8, 2008, 04:58 PM

I agree with Chameleon and if they don't feel guilty and think nothing of it then most often it becomes a way of life for them which is not fair to the one they are with -at all.

Chameleon · Feb 9, 2008, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I agree with Chameleon and if they don't feel guilty and think nothing of it then most often it becomes a way of life for them which is not fair to the one they are with -at all.

If they don't feel guilt, then they don't really love the other half of the relationship, and just need to get out of it.

s_cianci · Feb 9, 2008, 07:57 AM

Personally I'd advise your friend that the "relationship" is over and to move on. Since (s)he felt the need to cheat there was really nothing there to begin with. And I don't think that "coming clean" or not will change anything.

MasuBhat · Feb 9, 2008, 08:15 AM

There are lot's of consequences. And no the relationship won't be the same again [if you don't tell]

Will it come out eventually?

If you'r lucky enough and yes it may.

Can you get away with it?
NOPE. Not for long though

Will it come back on you?

Yes. What goes around will eventually come around.

Tell your fren to stop playing hide and seek around.. it's life it's reality.. not some game.

wewed100606 · Feb 9, 2008, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by s_cianci

Personally I'd advise your friend that the "relationship" is over and to move on. Since (s)he felt the need to cheat there was really nothing there to begin with. And I don't think that "coming clean" or not will change anything.

I don't really agree with you on this one s_cianci. Relationships overcome cheating all the time, many more than you would think. There isn't just one type of "cheating" or "cheater". Things are done for many reasons and in many different situations. Not saying this by any means excuses the act of cheating, but people make mistakes. It is possible to be happier and stronger after working through a thing like this. The thing is the parties can't hold such a negative mindset about it like yourself :-)

wewed100606 · Feb 9, 2008, 02:22 PM

Thanks for an unwarranted reddy dansk... so if you agree with s_cianci on this one you both think that any relationship where someone has cheated should be over?

Well... get ready world cause once this mentality catches on the already ridiculous divorce rate will double again!

Unlike you two I wasn't generalizing every relationship with cheating can be saved. I was just saying they all shouldn't be abandoned simply for the fact that one person cheated.

I understand that no one will forget anything and that it is a tough road, but there are plenty of people on these posts that are a testament to the fact that cheating can be forgiven and a very loving and successful relationship can ensue.

Don't over generalize with advice, it doesn't do anyone any good!

dansk · Feb 9, 2008, 03:15 PM

Well I think your def right that people can 4give
But I was saying that they wouldn't forget.. cheating
Is something that traumatizes a person whether you
Think you ignore it or push it aside for the sake of
Your relationship.

(and most divorce go on because people cheat
Stray and betray )

But I do have my own opinion don't I?
I could disagree with you because no 1 could ever be right since
Every situation and everyone differs.

N0help4u · Feb 9, 2008, 03:18 PM

But opinions don't necessarily deserve disagrees because they are each persons perception and how they handle the situation that works best for them. Then it is up to the op to figure what applies and what doesn't for them.

talaniman · Feb 9, 2008, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by N0help4u

But opinions don't necessarily deserve disagrees because they are each persons perception and how they handle the situation that works best for them. Then it is up to the op to figure what applies and what doesn't for them.

I think your right, as its only polite to let people express themselves, and opinions never deserve a reddie in my view, unless the opinion given is dangerous, or outrageous. Just me though.:cool: