[curlybenswife]

Just a little something I wrote up...to help you realize how beautiful you actually are!!

I hope you like it and it's not too corney

Creating a miracle

As I sit and reflect on what the world has received
I smile so quietly at the joy that was conceived
The little fingers and hands that melt my heart
Little eyes searching at his new start
The wonderment and smile that looks my way
Is more then a Mom needs to start her day
With my hands on my stomach and eyes closed so tight
I thank the stars above both day and night
That my body was chosen to carry this treasure
And the love in my heart could never be measured
For every ounce gained and every mark that now appears
Is a sign of beauty and evidence that I help to create something so dear
I reopen my eyes and take his little hand
And it is then I realize and begin to understand
That the changes to my body that have taken place
Makes me far more beautiful as they now leave a trace
Of something so precious, something that I have done
I created at miracle that I now loving call my Son.

Oh you can't keep doing this to me speachless three times in one day lol thank you for that its lovely just like you xxxx

[starbuck8]

Yeah...unfortunately guys, I have asked her, told her, and everythinged to her, but it is out of my hands. I am hoping it is just one of the "for better or worse" times in our marriage, but I tell you what, it is getting tough to wake up everyday.

I would do anything for my wife, and I honestly don't feel I have changed. Unfortunately, a mistake I have made (cheating prior to our marriage) has thrown her love into question. I couldn't be more sorry, I would literally do anything, but I have learned over the last couple months that there is nothing I can do, but keep being myself.

If anyone has any wise advice for getting over something like this I would be all ears.

Hi Wewed,
As someone that has been cheated on, (more than once) I will tell you it's a hard road back to trust! You broke your connection that she felt she had only with you! This is where the old saying comes in... "you don't know what you've got till it's gone".

When you say you "honestly don't feel I have changed", well I hope you have or you don't have a snowballs chance of regaining her trust! If you think it's tough for "you" to wake up in the morning, just think of how tough it is for her, knowing what she knows! I'm sorry to be so rough, but it bothers me when men (and women, I not being biased) say, "I just made a MISTAKE" It was a conscious decision at the time, and you may regret it but never-the-less it was made.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be yourself... as far as "the guy she fell in love with" to begin with, but just saying you made a mistake doesn't cut it. Think of the worse case scenario... like lets say... she cheated on you with your best friend. Then think of what SHE would have to do to make that right with YOU! Think of how angry, and hurt, and confused you would be. Think about the thoughts that went through her head about why she wasn't good enough, or was the other girl prettier or sexier, was she smarter!! Put yourself in those "high heels".

You're going to have to give her time and be patient. In the meantime, start asking yourself questions about why you would do that to someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. :confused: Also, when you go to work, out with friends etc. pretend like she is standing behind you watching and hearing every word you say. If it isn't something you would say or do when she is there, it isn't something you should be saying or doing! Your life is going to have to be like a picture window for a long time if you expect to regain her trust! Treat her with the respect she deserves.

Good luck to you! Hopefully you learn a lot from this even if she decides she can't take you back.

:)

Ps. Stop "telling" her and "show" her! Actions are the best indicators.

[starbuck8]

Just a little something I wrote up...to help you realize how beautiful you actually are!!

I hope you like it and it's not too corney

Creating a miracle

As I sit and reflect on what the world has received
I smile so quietly at the joy that was conceived
The little fingers and hands that melt my heart
Little eyes searching at his new start
The wonderment and smile that looks my way
Is more then a Mom needs to start her day
With my hands on my stomach and eyes closed so tight
I thank the stars above both day and night
That my body was chosen to carry this treasure
And the love in my heart could never be measured
For every ounce gained and every mark that now appears
Is a sign of beauty and evidence that I help to create something so dear
I reopen my eyes and take his little hand
And it is then I realize and begin to understand
That the changes to my body that have taken place
Makes me far more beautiful as they now leave a trace
Of something so precious, something that I have done
I created at miracle that I now loving call my Son.

That is a beautiful poem! Your screen name says it all... "ALL HEART"! So happy to know you, wise soul! :D

[wewed100606]

Hi Wewed,
As someone that has been cheated on, (more than once) I will tell you it's a hard road back to trust! You broke your connection that she felt she had only with you! This is where the old saying comes in..."you don't know what you've got till it's gone".

When you say you "honestly don't feel I have changed", well I hope you have or you don't have a snowballs chance of regaining her trust! If you think it's tough for "you" to wake up in the morning, just think of how tough it is for her, knowing what she knows!! I'm sorry to be so rough, but it bothers me when men (and women, i not being biased) say, "I just made a MISTAKE" It was a consious decision at the time, and you may regret it but never-the-less it was made.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't be yourself...as far as "the guy she fell in love with" to begin with, but just saying you made a mistake doesn't cut it. Think of the worse case scenario...like lets say...she cheated on you with your best friend. Then think of what SHE would have to do to make that right with YOU! Think of how angry, and hurt, and confused you would be. Think about the thoughts that went through her head about why she wasn't good enough, or was the other girl prettier or sexier, was she smarter!!? Put yourself in those "high heels".

You're going to have to give her time and be patient. In the meantime, start asking yourself questions about why you would do that to someone you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. :confused: Also, when you go to work, out with friends etc., pretend like she is standing behind you watching and hearing every word you say. If it isn't something you would say or do when she is there, it isn't something you should be saying or doing! Your life is going to have to be like a picture window for a long time if you expect to regain her trust!! Treat her with the respect she deserves.

Good luck to you! Hopefully you learn alot from this even if she decides she can't take you back.

:)

ps. stop "telling" her and "show" her! Actions are the best indicators.

Thank you for your insight. I know how horrible she feels. I live it everyday with her. THe mistake I made wasn't really typical, and it really wasn't a mistake. It was more like a defense mechanism gone terribly wrong. I will kind of nutshell my scenario quick for you as it cold get lengthy if I let it. This by no means in me trying to escape responsibility, trust me. My heart hurts everyday, not because I was wrong and got caught, but because it pains me tosee the way my wife, my soulmate, my best friend looks at me everyday.

My wife and I dated for a few months when we were 18 and 19 yrs old. We got pregnant. Iwas a freshman in college, her a senior in HS. We decided we were going to have the baby and work hard to raise the child together. We moved in together. I got a job, she got a job and everything was OK. We were young and stressed and I guess I got a little over protective. She never told me. One day she tells me she is leaving and if she has her way I will never see our baby. She was a couple months pregnant at the time. THings went badly, we both cursed each other, threatened each other. It was horrible.

I didn't get visitation rights with my daughter until she was 11 months old. From then on we had a great co-parenting relationship. We always got along things always went well. Three years later I am in the tail end of a two plus year relationship and my wife comes to me and proffesses her love that never died. We fall back in love.

Ten months later we get married and then 17 months later we have our second child. For the first 3-4 months of our relationship I was scared crapless tha I was getting duped. I was afraid I was caught off guard by everything, but it felt so right. The fear of being left by the wayside again and my heart in a bucket made me string along the relationship I was in when my wife had professed. Not much sexual anything, twice in 3-4 months. A lot for hanging out and going to the gym and grabbing coffees and stuff like that. All telling her hey I love this girl she is the mother of my child I have to give her a chance, but I don't know if it will work so hangout and if it doesn't work we can try to work things out (sounds stupid I know). THat was my cheating. Holdng onto my security blanket because I wa afraid t give my whole heart to the woman who had crushed it before.

It was a mistake. There are million ways I could've done it different. I didn't. My affair wasn't during our marriage. It wasn't because our relationship was lacking anything, except maybe trust. As soon as I could tell myself that I wanted to be with my wife I wanted to give it a go and I will suffer the conseqences if it fails I broke off the other relationship. 5-6 months before our marriage.

I then lied about it. And lied about it. She confronted me several times andI told her to quit worrying. I lied for a year. Then it all came out. Now we are left with this pile of rubble called a marriage.

I love my wife. I know what I did was wrong and unjustifiable. I know the pain I have caused. I kow the anger she has. I know the distrust she has. I know what it feels like to get hit by that freight train you don't know is coming. I am sorry. I would take away all the pain if I could. I lerned from my mistake. I have been as clos to perfect as possible through our entire marriage. I am not a load. I don't cheat. I try not to lie about anything. I am sure I slip up now and then with white lies (yes I started the laundry, no I didn't pee on the toilet seat). I cook. I clean. I give massages. I get up with the kids. I worked hard so she didn't have to go back to work after she had the baby. I supported her through probably 6 different job changes. I would do ANYTHING for this woman. ANYTHING. I just want to erase something that is so worthless to me. I want to take it all back. I never served a purpose other than being my teddy bear when I was scared I might be let alone again. I never loved my wife any less during that time. It never affected our relationship. It could have not happened and our life would have not been any different.

I hurt my wife. I have put myself in her shoes everyday for the last six months. I know that I would forgive her and still be able to be happy if she felt like I feel right now. If she told me she loved me and made a mistake and wanted to be with me and raise these kids and be a family I would forgive that woman for anything. I mean that. I sincerely am more disgusted with myself than anyone else is. I live everyday now thinking that I may be responsible for ruining four lives. Three of which didn't get to choose what happened.

I am sorry. I want to give us time to make a come back. But she says she doesn't. She says she doesn't want to try. That she doesn' miss the good times. THat she doesn't love me anymore. That she doesn't want anything frm me.

All I want is to love her and make her happy. I want to raise our kids. Retire and die holding hands. THERE IS NOT A THING IN THE WORL D I WOULDN'T DO RIGHT NOW FOR FORGIVENESS.

The end. Sorry it got long. I just wanted you to hear the whole thing. Abridged version. It is my fault... I just want the OPPORTUNITY to fix it. Not saying we can get through it (I think we can) but just the opportunity to show that wasn't me. It as a blip on the radar.

Help? Anyone?

[starbuck8]

Thank you for your insight. I know how horrible she feels. I live it everyday with her. THe mistake I made wasn't really typical, and it really wasn't a mistake. It was more like a defense mechanism gone terribly wrong. I will kind of nutshell my scenario quick for you as it cold get lengthy if I let it. This by no means in me trying to escape responsibility, trust me. My heart hurts everyday, not because I was wrong and got caught, but because it pains me tosee the way my wife, my soulmate, my best friend looks at me everyday.

My wife and I dated for a few months when we were 18 and 19 yrs old. We got pregnant. Iwas a freshman in college, her a senior in HS. We decided we were gonna have the baby and work hard to raise the child together. We moved in together. I got a job, she got a job and everything was OK. We were young and stressed and I guess I got a little over protective. She never told me. One day she tells me she is leaving and if she has her way I will never see our baby. She was a couple months pregnant at the time. THings went badly, we both cursed eachother, threatened eachother. It was horrible.

I didn't get visitation rights with my daughter until she was 11 months old. From then on we had a great co-parenting relationship. We always got along things always went well. Three years later I am in the tail end of a two plus year relationship and my wife comes to me and proffesses her love that never died. We fall back in love.

Ten months later we get married and then 17 months later we have our second child. For the first 3-4 months of our relationship I was scared crapless tha I was getting duped. I was affraid I was caught off guard by everything, but it felt so right. The fear of being left by the wayside again and my heart in a bucket made me string along the relationship I was in when my wife had professed. Not much sexual anything, twice in 3-4 months. Alot fo hanging out and going to the gym and grabbing coffees nd stuff like that. All telling her hey I love this girl she is the mother of my child I have to give her a chance, but I don't know if it will work so hangout and if it doesn't work we can try to work things out (sounds stupid I know). THat was my cheating. Holdng onto my security blanket because I wa affraid t give my whole heart to the woman who had crushed it before.

It was a mistake. There are million ways I could've done it different. I didn't. My affair wasn't during our marriage. It wasn't because our relationship was lacking anything, except maybe trust. As soon as I could tell myself that I wanted to be with my wife I wanted to give it a go and I will suffer the conseqences if it fails I broke off the other relationship. 5-6 months before our marriage.

I then lied about it. And lied about it. She confronted me several times andI told her to quit worrying. I lied for a year. Then it all came out. Now we are left with this pile of rubble called a marriage.

I love my wife. I know what I did was wrong and unjustifiable. I know the pain I have caused. I kow the anger she has. I know the distrust she has. I know what it feels like to get hit by that freight train you don't know is coming. I am sorry. I would take away all the pain if I could. I lerned from my mistake. I have been as clos to perfect as possible through our entire marriage. I am not a load. I don't cheat. I try not to lie about anything. I am sure I slip up now and then with white lies (yes I started the laundry, no I didn't pee on the toilet seat). I cook. I clean. I give massages. I get up with the kids. I worked hard so she didn't have to go back to work after she had the baby. I supported her through probably 6 diffrent job changes. I would do ANYTHING for this woman. ANYTHING. I just want to erase something that is so worthless to me. I want to take it all back. I never served a purpose other than being my teddy bear when I was scared I might be let alone again. I never loved my wife any less during that time. It never affected our relationship. It could have not happened and our life would have not been any different.

I hurt my wife. I have put myself in her shoes everyday for the last six months. I know that I would forgive her and still be able to be happy if she felt like I feel right now. If she told me she loved me and made a mistake and wanted to be with me and raise these kids and be a family I would forgive that woman for anything. I mean that. I sincerely am more disgusted with myself than anyone else is. I live everyday now thinking that I may be responsible for ruining four lives. Three of which didn't get to choose what happened.

I am sorry. I want to give us time to make a come back. But she says she doesn't. She says she doesn't want to try. That she doesn' miss the good times. THat she doesn't love me anymore. That she doesn't want anything frm me.

All I want is to love her and make her happy. I want to raise our kids. Retire and die holding hands. THERE IS NOT A THING IN THE WORL D I WOULDN'T DO RIGHT NOW FOR FORGIVENESS.

The end. Sorry it got long. I just wanted you to hear the whole thing. Abridged version. It is my fault...I just want the OPPORTUNITY to fix it. Not saying we can get through it (I think we can) but just the opportunity to show that wasn't me. It as a blip on the radar.

Help? Anyone?

I think I may have misjudged you!

I have read some of your other posts, and you sound like you are genuinely remorseful and want to do things the right way to show your wife how truly sorry you are. I'm not excusing your behaviour when you cheated, but I wish there were more men like you out there. It's refreshing to hear someone admit their mistakes and willing to try anything to prove that it is something they would never do again.

I sincerely hope your wife will come around with her feelings towards you. From what I've read, you sound like a good man who truly regrets his actions. I have been with some real snakes in my life, and not one of them cared how deeply they hurt me, and how it affected future relationships. I think trust is the most devastating thing for a person to lose.

Just a suggestion, have you read a book by Dr. Phil called "Relationship Rescue", and another called "Family Matters"? I'm not trying to promote Dr. Phil, but these books make very good sense and have plans of action. Couldn't hurt to read them right? ;)

I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world!

Chin up! :)

[JoeCanada76]

For myself personally, there may be things I would like to change. For example how I handle certain situations and people. I try to look at the positives but like some others I tend to worry about other people think about me. Then I am unable to move forward. Until I get a sense that it does not matter what other people think and as long as I am doing my best to become a better, loving and kinder person to everybody including others who are not that way towards me. We all need to try to focus more on the positive, not the negative. I agree with others that have said, many aspects that might seem negative usually can turn them into a good thing.

[starbuck8]

For myself personally, there may be things I would like to change. For example how I handle certain situations and people. I try to look at the positives but like some others I tend to worry about other people think about me. Then I am unable to move foward. Until I get a sense that it does not matter what other people think and as long as I am doing my best to become a better, loving and kinder person to everybody including others who are not that way towards me. We all need to try to focus more on the positive, not the negative. I agree with others that have said, many aspects that might seem negative usually can turn them into a good thing.

I know what you mean. I think sometimes we worry too much about the opinions of other people. Myself included. But I heard one time that if we actually knew how little time people spend thinking about something we did that made us wonder what they must have thought, we wouldn't waste our time worrying because they've probably forgotten anyway. So I think we needlessly torture ourselves sometimes ;) Sometimes it gets hard to see the positive when there is so much negativity around us, but it's worth the old college try, lol.

I see we both live in Igloo-town, brrrr... haha, stay warm! :)

[excon]

Hello, my dear friend All:

I thought about it a lot.

Although, in hindsight, there are certainly things I would have done differently - and, there are things about me that aren't great today... but, I'm OK with who I am.

Oh, I spent a great deal of time shaping my life in the past. I worked hard and changed a lot of things.. The techniques I learned are still in play. But, it never was a lifelong pursuit. It was a project with a beginning and an end. Like art to the artist - you need to know when to walk away.

My LIFELONG pursuit these days is trying to change everybody else.

excon

[s_cianci]

I sort of feel the same as you, Allheart, only kind of from the other side of the coin in that I worry too much about hurting someone else's feelings. I feel like I always walk on eggshells for fear of offending someone. By nature I'm a "tell-it-like-it-is" kind of guy. Or, perhaps more accurately, I should say "tell-it-like-it-is-from-my-perspective." But my parents raised me with a "you have to be a Mr. Nice Guy" type of mentality and I was usually made to feel guilty if I expressed an outright opinion of something unless I watered it down and sugar-coated it to the point that it really wasn't even my opinion any more. And sometimes even doing all of that didn't help. In my adult life I experienced several setbacks early in my career, either for expressing opinions that were, shall we say, "less than popular" or for failing to speak up at all, for fear of offending "the wrong person." You know, kind of a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" scenario. And the thing that angers me the most is that I see other people get away with it all the time. Now I'll admit that in a lot of cases discretion is called for and it's important to know the difference when it's OK to spout off and when to keep one's mouth shut. And a lot of people don't seem to know that difference. I think that's the one positive thing I've learned from getting my butt reamed on those occasions that I dared to have an opinion about something, that I've developed a good sense of discretion. But I do wish I could be a little more outspoken without having to feel guilty about it all the time. And, even though you said not to mention it, losing 30 lbs. wouldn't be such a bad idea either, lol!

[Allheart]

Like art to the artist - you need to know when to walk away.

excon

To the most handsome Excon I have had the privilege to "know" - I will keep your words in mind as I go through my internal house cleaning, but the one thing I hope I leave unchanged is the part of me that somehow mangaged to be forturnate to have you as a friend... I mean that with Allheart ;)

Thank you for your brilliant mind that you give so many everyday and even just as important the laughter that you give us with your incredible wit.

No get back to changing the world my friend... you do make a difference and boy do we need it...

****hugs****

[Allheart]

I sort of feel the same as you, Allheart, only kind of from the other side of the coin in that I worry too much about hurting someone else's feelings. I feel like I always walk on eggshells for fear of offending someone. By nature I'm a "tell-it-like-it-is" kind of guy. Or, perhaps more accurately, I should say "tell-it-like-it-is-from-my-perspective." But my parents raised me with a "you have to be a Mr. Nice Guy" type of mentality and I was usually made to feel guilty if I expressed an outright opinion of something unless I watered it down and sugar-coated it to the point that it really wasn't even my opinion any more. And sometimes even doing all of that didn't help. In my adult life I experienced several setbacks early in my career, either for expressing opinions that were, shall we say, "less than popular" or for failing to speak up at all, for fear of offending "the wrong person." You know, kind of a "damned if you do and damned if you don't" scenario. And the thing that angers me the most is that I see other people get away with it all the time. Now I'll admit that in a lot of cases discretion is called for and it's important to know the difference when it's OK to spout off and when to keep one's mouth shut. And a lot of people don't seem to know that difference. I think that's the one positive thing I've learned from getting my butt reamed on those occasions that I dared to have an opinion about something, that I've developed a good sense of discretion. But I do wish I could be a little more outspoken without having to feel guilty about it all the time. And, even though you said not to mention it, losing 30 lbs. wouldn't be such a bad idea either, lol!

Now, you my friend are being put on electronic time out :D I bet those 30 pounds like just where they are :)

I completely understand your fear of hurting someone's feelings by expressing yourself.

I have always said, much rather be the one to hurt then cause hurt.

I feel nothing but devestation when I hurt someone. And I more then understand the guilt factor after you do speak up. And there are those who just seem to breeze through and say what they will and appear to remain untouched. But I bet you cianci, they are not as untouched as we may think, we just don't get to see it.

Continue to speak up and test the waters. As long as you mean well in your heart and mind and speak to obtain a positive result, never feel bad. By you sharing your view, you could help someone else who feels the same but hesitant to speak.

If you do continue to feel a little zap after expressing yourself, that's okay too, I think it helps us to stay in check. I don't think we really ever want to loose that "zap" effect completely. We'd sound like some of the Noobs from here :D

Thanks so much for sharing... it means and helps a lot!

[MasuBhat]

Ma Past.

[s_cianci]

Now, you my friend are being put on electronic time out :D I bet those 30 pounds like just where they are :)

Exactly. And that's the whole problem!

And there are those who just seem to breeze through and say what they will and appear to remain untouched. But I bet you cianci, they are not as untouched as we may think, we just don't get to see it.

Yes, this is probably true in most cases.

By you sharing your view, you could help someone else who feels the same but hesitant to speak.

Good point.

Thanks for the feedback.

[wewed100606]

I think I may have misjudged you!

I have read some of your other posts, and you sound like you are genuinely remorseful and want to do things the right way to show your wife how truly sorry you are. I'm not excusing your behaviour when you cheated, but I wish there were more men like you out there. It's refreshing to hear someone admit their mistakes and willing to try anything to prove that it is something they would never do again.

I sincerely hope your wife will come around with her feelings towards you. From what I've read, you sound like a good man who truly regrets his actions. I have been with some real snakes in my life, and not one of them cared how deeply they hurt me, and how it affected future relationships. I think trust is the most devastating thing for a person to lose.

Just a suggestion, have you read a book by Dr. Phil called "Relationship Rescue", and another called "Family Matters"? I'm not trying to promote Dr. Phil, but these books make very good sense and have plans of action. Couldn't hurt to read them right? ;)

I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world!!

Chin up!! :)

Thank you for the reading suggestions... I will stop by Barnes and Noble on the way home today. I will try anything that may help. It just eats at me everyday that there is nothing more I can do. I am the type of person that when there is a problem I just want it fixed... NOW. I fully wrap my head around the fact that this thing isn't going to resolve itself in "Tim Time" and I am OK with that, but I just wish I could get my instincts and subconcious to go along with that knowledge.

It is a terrible thing I have done and a terrible time I am in right now, but like they say "This too shall pass". I thank you for your support and I hope my wife will let me back in. I hope the old saying of "It's never too late" can apply to us.

Have a great day!

[Jackie D Star]

I wish I could change how I speak - I have I lisp

[Allheart]

i wish i could change how i speak - i have i lisp

HI Jackie,

There's nothing wrong at all with speaking with a lisp. But I guess there are all things about ourselves that are okay, but we would rather change anyway.

Have you tried, when you are all alone, getting a book and reading out loud and go very slowly? Keep reading a little every night, kind of like practicing?

Thank you for sharing Jackie :)

[starbuck8]

I have something else I would like to change. MY SLEEP PATERN! ;) Sooo tired, yet so wide awake!

[Allheart]

Here you go my friend :)

[wewed100606]

i wish i could change how i speak - i have i lisp

Who is the cruel and unsual Englishman who decided to spell lisp L-I-S-P?

I think lisps are sexy ;-)

[starbuck8]

Here you go my friend :)

Thanks Allheart, that was sweet! However, I'm the one who stole "Little Bo Peeps" sheep, and am on the lookout for another flock, lol ;)