[SteveMoqueen]

Hi everyone, I'm not used to writing or posting things about my life, but I'm in a serious bind and incredibly nervous. I hope some of you can help me.

PS: sorry if this is long, but it makes more sense this way

A little background information: I started seeing this girl a little over 17 months ago. We hit it off pretty well, and before we were even "official" I was visiting her over the summer, and met her all of her friends and most of her family, and I was already known as the boyfriend. When school started up (we're both in college, she's 20, I'm 22) we officially began dating, and although we had a few tiny stumbles here and there, we were incredibly happy, and very close. We weren't just some run of the mill casual relationship, we were pretty serious. On top of that girls envied my girlfriend and told her numerous times (which I found out later), and people always commented on how good we were together, I mean hell, I even had a few girls I know tell me that they wish they had what we do. She would get fairly jealous when other girls talked to me (I'm not the type to cheat, nor do I when I have a good thing), and I could tell that since practically the beginning, she was way more into me, than I was into her (don't get me wrong I still loved her, but I have a feeling she was more serious than I).

Anyway, summer comes along and we each go back to our perspective states (we only live about an hour away), and I get phone calls, texts, and IMs saying how much she misses me and how badly she wants to see me. We make plans and I visit her for 4 days, and then she comes and visits me for 3. It was a week of complete happiness and we had a blast. Unfortunately for the entire month of June, we couldn't see each other because of scheduling problems with our job and our weekends were booked (buddy's wedding, father's day, etc). Her birthday came, and I made sure to send flowers, etc.

Finally we are able to see each other, and it's the beginning of July and we're staying at her family's place. From the start when I got there, I felt out of place (which almost never happens to me). She was surrounded by all of her friends and family that I never met, and I almost felt like a fly on the wall. It was like I could be there or I couldn't and it wouldn't make a difference. The weekend went by and by the end, I had to leave, I was fed up by being ignored and feeling out of place.

I called a few days later to explain, and she tells me that she's confused with our relationship and doesn't know what she wants anymore. I tell her I'll give her some space and that I won't contact her until she figures things out. The next day she texts me asking if I want to go away for the weekend on a trip (we've been talking about one for months). We begin planning, and she seems incredibly excited, although that is all she talked about.

Two days before the trip, she calls me to tell me that she canceled the reservations, because she doesn't think its fair to me. She tells me that she doesn't think it will work between us. I suggest that we meet in person to talk things out, and she says it's a bad idea. The next day she texts me saying that she wants to work things out and that she doesn't want to lose what we have. So the next day I drive out to see her and we talk it out, and I find out that there is this older guy (24) that she's always had a crush on, has been hitting on her. Now she tells me that everyone is telling her not to ruin what she has with me, and that he's a known womanizer, has a rep as a "man-whore," and generally treats girls like , but she admits he's charismatic, and she has always had a thing for him, and she says that she knows that it won't work, and she's just being stupid. After talking a bit more, she tells me not to worry and that he's out of the picture. We plan on her coming to stay for the following weekend with me.

I call her a few days later to find out when she's coming, and she tells me that she isn't. She tells me that this guy has told her that he confused about what he wants, but is probably going to leave his girlfriend (who I met, and is PORNSTAR hot,:eek: whereas my girlfriend is cute girl next door type:cool: ). We decide to go on a break, and after a week, I decide that enough is enough and that I'm going to make a decision for her, if she can't. Needless to say, I tell her that I can't do this anymore, etc. I then find out that she hooked up with him a few times that week while we were on a break (made-out with him, nothing else), and then she tells me that she doesn't love me anymore (because how could she if she has these feelings for him), doesn't think its going to work with this guy, but really wants to try and see if it will (mind you she'll balling her eyes out).

Things are over and done with, then the following I get into a near fatal car accident and tell her what happened, and that I thought of her, blah blah. I then drunkedly write her an email telling her that I miss her, and basically open my heart (stupid idea). She responds the next day saying that she meant what she said and that she finally is doing what's right for her, and that she has what she wants now. (I later find out, that he was still stringing her along for another week or so with his original gf).

I haven't talked to her in two months, and have blocked her on AIM, FB, and deleted her number. I'm made conscious effects to ensure that she knows nothing about me. A week or so ago, I was at a party and one of her best friends from home bumps into me, and we ended up talking for a few minutes, just bs'ing like nothing had happened. My ex was at the party nervous, drinking heavily, and actively avoiding me. I thought it was amusing so I brought attention to myself so she'd know I was there, but made no attempts to make contact.

The other day, I decided that this is getting childish, and that enough is enough. I'm tired of all this crap, and I don't want to end up seeing her out again, and have the same kind of reaction, so I called her up and invited her to lunch to catch up. She sounded bubbly and surprised to hear from me, but was definitely interested in meeting. The next day she calls to tell me that she was taken back and shocked that I called, and was wondering why now. I explained that I wanted to see what she was up to and wanted to catch up, but if she didn't want to, I didn't really care and this was more so that if we meet again, she doesn't bug out. She still was interested in meeting and said that she wants to make things better between us, since we knew each other for so long, and in her opinion, things ended badly :rolleyes:... no crap it did.

Anyway, that the story. The problem is, I still have feelings for her, and I think about her a lot, especially recently. I don't know how to handle this properly. While we were together things were amazing, and out of the blue... things went to crap. I would give anything to get back together with her, but time is running out, as she's going abroad second semester, I can't force things, otherwise I'll push her away, and the main kicker is this... once she comes back from abroad, its summer time again, and she'll be around that guy again (who she's sort of with but not really).

I just need some advice on how I should and shouldn't act when I see her. I just want her back

Thanks for reading, and sorry its so long

[talaniman]

I think your trying to make something where there is nothing. You have had your good time, and its time to move on, and let her move on.

[statictable]

Do you write screen plays? You've laid out a clear picture of a derailed relationship. No one's fault, just the way things are. She is not ready to commit nor is her family ready to see her in a serious relationship with anyone; they want her to finish school and a relationship would jeopardize her education or so the elders may think. If she had been ready for a relationship she would have managed her family with skill but just lacks that kind of experience. Combine that with her lack of experience in relationship/s and you are simply in the right place at the wrong time. To be with a woman lacking experience can be very pleasurable but being in a relationship with her can be fatal to that relationship. That's just how it works sometimes, no one's fault at all. Be smart and focus on your future. Best wishes.

[clarityseeker]

Hey there - I know from experience how hard it is to let someone go who you're in love with. You're asking how you should and shouldn't act when you see her, with your goal being to get her back. Well, as you know I'm sure, there is no formula for getting someone back. And, really, the emotions in your head that come from your love for her are truly clouding your judgment, because you shouldn't want her back based on the story you tell. She wants to be treated like crap by a player, and you're grovelling at her feet for any leftover scraps. She's not worth your time, you just can't see that right now. I'd cancel the lunch, and start the long and often painful healing process. Right now, I think you're just trying to avoid the inevitable by clinging to false hope. Go no contact, and let time do the rest.

[ilovcali]

Yeah, she's done. You want closure? Why? Who cares. You''re allowing her to string you along like that older guy was stringing her along. DON'T BE STUPID. You're just going through the motions of missing someone.

She MESSED UP and MISTREATED you. That's that. And read your own post. Don't you think it would be much easier to find a new girl who you can have feelings for, than trying to climb the mountain you have to for this one, and then fall off the edge again?

--Cali

[Crispy]

I think that your time with each other is over. Think that if you want to be with her and she doesn't want to be with you, why wasting your time for some one who doesn't appreciate what you are. It is time to open your eyes to see what is around you. I know it is going to be hard for you, but try it. If you see her, try to think in something else and don't let her destroy your feelings that moment. Trust me that I know how this is hard. Good luck on what you decide.