[Moomin]

Well if nothing else I admire his honesty and him being open with you!
I am a firm believer in talking things out.
It seems he is going through some issues so I think just by offering to be his friend (for now maybe) and listening to him if he needs any support!

[hheather17]

I have been broken hearted by my boyfriend. I love him to death! I need him in my life. We are 6 hours apart and I want to be with him. I can't take this anymore. Im on the verge of hurting myself. I have not talked to him in a week! I don't know what to do anymore. I even want to propose to him and ask him to marry me that's how serious I am. I even want to move in with him. I can't live without him. He is the best thing ever to happen to me. This is what he wrote to me. I have a ring and everything. Im ready to marry him!! I would give up anything to be with him right now... Please I'm going crazy


Heather, I know I have not talked to you in a while and I'm sorry for that. I have just been really busy and I don't really know how to feel about a lot of things lately. You know that I love you and I care so much about you Heather. No matter if we're separated, fighting, or even if you hate the air that I breathe I want you to know that I love you and I always will no matter what. You know that I have a lot on my plate right now it everything is just getting over bearing. It's too much for me to try and handle and I can't do it. I've tried once before and I tried to make everything work but I cannot. You know that I care about you and you mean the world to me but I can't handle having you in my life right now. It's just too much for me to try and attempt. Everything is piling up right now and something has to give. I know that's the reason that things had been getting out of hand and I didn't want to accept that but I have to look at the situation and realize that I can't have it all. I want you to know that I think that you're the most perfect girl ever. I love you so much and I will never find anyone as great as you baby. I know this. Maybe one day I can have you're perfect beautiful smile to wake me up every morning and I can make you happy again but I just can't do it right now. Please understand this. I love you and I'm sorry Heather.

[Depressed in MO]

I don't think he wants to marry you, hon, I think he was letting you down gently telling you that he cares for you, but does not want a relationship with you right now. I think you will end up even more broken-hearted if you just show up with a ring at this point.

[PippaSW]

Yeah, he does care for you. But it really sounds like he just needs some "him" time. So I think that you should just give it to him. If it's really meant to be, he'll come back to you! But don't dwell over it, it will only make things harder on you!

[hheather17]

I have been doing some real thinking and this is what I have come up with. Me and my boyfriend have been through everything together. I'm in love with him. If he asked me to marry him today I would. I don't understand that he wants to me stand by him no matter what but when things get tough he always wants to leave me. This is the second time this has happened. It hurts. It hurts to know that he can have everyone else in his life but me. Now I just feel like another ex until something happens. I was supposed to be moving in with him in December and now I don't know what to do about that. I have been looking for a job and getting everything ready for school up there. This is something he wanted to really happen. It was his idea. I feel like I'm treated differently from all his other ex's. He still talks to them and they know what's going on in his life. Me on the other hand feel like I'm always kicked to the side. I want to be by his side through everything and he won't give me the chance to do that. I love him so much and can't loose him again. Can someone help me save my relationship? I don't know if I can go through this again

[hheather17]

I can't do this anymore!! Im about to kill myself because I need him back. I am so jealous of the girl that is with my ex. If it means I have to move to be with him so be it!! I can't loose him. I don't want him with her. I will do anything it takes. I need him in my life. I can't live life anymore without him. I have to have him. Im about to kill myself. He needs to know that Im the one. Someone help me. Im losing it. Someone please talk to him. My life is over. I have starting cutting myself but now I'm wanting to do more. He is all I lived for. I can't let this happen. He is the best thing. I have been waiting to tell him for a while but I proposed to him and have the ring right here. I would leave tomorrow to be with him

[GlindaofOz]

Whoa, whoa slow down here. No one is worth hurting yourself over. NO ONE. Please think about what you are doing. Is your life really over because of one guy? Is there nothing else in your life that makes you happy and is there no one who would be devastated if you were gone? Think of your family and friends.

This guy sounds like a complete idiot. He tossed away what he had with you for nothing. He is the one who should be feeling awful he lost YOU. You need to love yourself more then you love this guy.

If you are cutting yourself or thinking or hurting yourself you need to talk to someone you trust about this and seek some professional help. These behaviors and feelings are very dangerous please don't try to handle all of this alone. A mental health professional would be able to assist you in getting through this. I wish you the best of luck. Please do not harm yourself.

[Emland]

Please don't hurt yourself. What good comes of it? Scream in a pillow or run 5 miles - those are great ways to channel frustration without damaging your body.

GlindaofOz is right. There is NOBODY worth hurting yourself over. I would suggest that you completely forget about guys (guessing you are a teenager and that will be tough) until you get your head into a healthly place. Your self-worth does not exist in another being. Until you discover your self-worth and own it, you will only be in for more heartache. You know what most guys find attractive about women (besides the exterior)?
Confidence. If you are clingy, needy and can only be happy through someone else then they will move on to someone who is more self assured.

It hurts a lot right now, but you will get through this.

[hheather17]

So I found out a couple of days ago that my ex is with another girl. He lied to me and told me that he was seeing another girl.I don't know what to do. Is it over for good? Is he really with her or just talking to her. I was suppose to move in with him in December and now I don't know what to do. I miss him so much and would do anything to just see him. His birthday is coming up and I have already bought him a gift and I don't know if I should still give it to him. I think the girl is trying to rub it in my face because everyday on myspace she changes her headline all the time. I don't know if they are together as a couple or if they are just talking. I just want to tell him how much he means to me and would change anything I need to. Im so lonely without him. We have been through so much doing the long distance. I miss him more than anything. I would marry him right now. I just want to show him how serious I am.. Can I get some help

Hey, I know you're pissed at me and you have every right to be but right now I need to set the record straight to that you know everything and there are no more questions.

I always loved you. I know you don't believe that but I did I wanted everything we talked about and I wanted it ever since we lived together the first time but it didn't work. When we started talking again Jessica was not in the picture and everything was good but she is not the reason that things went awry. When I was here I was away from you and I never saw you and you know how I felt about that. You know what happened the first time we started back talking and I was here and that's why I was hesitant about us being together but I gave it a chance because I wanted to work things out with you and be happy. After a while we started to grow apart and I didn't say anything cause I wanted to try and work it out and I didn't want you to think anything was wrong. After being at school here for a while I met some new people and Jessica was one of them and at first I really didn't want much to do with her and you know that. We started to hang out and at the time you and I were still together. I was telling her that I was seeing no one and telling you that I was seeing no one else. We were still growing apart at this point and I admit that her and I hangin out and seeing each other was not helping the case at all but I didn't know how to tell you that I was falling away from you without hurting you so instead of being honest and telling you I just continued to do what I was doing and seeing both of you. I wanted to tell you so bad that I could do this a long time ago but I was afraid of hurting you. The day I was on the phone and you were at work you cried your eyes out when I told you that I could be with you anymore and I was too much of a to just stand my ground and look out for me. I couldn't tell you that I was seeing Jessica because I knew that this would happen so I thought that I would just tell you that I needed a break from things but I was just waiting on you to figure this out. This is me being honest with you. I can't hide anymore because I'm tired of people being hurt by me. I know you never want to see or talk to me again and that's something that I chose to deal with when I decided to lie to you. As far as all the stuff goes , I'm not trying to be an to you but I can't give that stuff back. I'm sorry. One day you'll meet someone great. Make them happy. Goodbye

-A.B

[dirtyjoeb]

If You Really Love Him And Want To Be With Him Get Him To Meet You In A Place You Feel Comforable And Talk With Him Lay All Your Cards On The Table And You Will Find Out What He Really Wants In Life With You . Then You Can Decide If You Need To Take Time To Weigh Your Options And Move On Or Continue To Wait Until He Decides What He Really Wants

[GlindaofOz]

hheather17 is it fun to bash your head into the wall over and over again?

Everyone on here has given you wonderful advice about what to do. Why do you keep digging into the same old wound, does it feel good to make it bleed?

He has made the decision he has made. You acting desperate and needing and clamoring to get him back will only drive him further and further away from you. You need to go no contact with him and start working on healing yourself.

[Foxy459459]

Glinda is right move on and stop being so around for him. He'll learned what he has lost. It takes some time believe me I know first hand. But things will get better, you have to learn how to move on. And show him that there are other people out there better then him and that you don't need him. Because you don't.

[friend4u178]

Glinda is right Heather so please listen to her , you will only push him further away the more you push him. He seems to have made his decision for this moment in time so there really is no way to change his mind at the moment. Give him have a chance to miss you. That way if you really are the one for him he will realise it in time. You will not start to heal until you accept the fact you can not have him back at the moment. Do this for YOU!

[talaniman]

You have so many posts about the same guy, and with all the advice you take none of it and just start more post ignoring the advice given. Leave the guy alone and stop obsessing over him and making yourself miserable. You may need some help to get over this.

[hheather17]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the encouraging advice. I guess you would like to know the update of my situation. Well each day is getting a little easier for me. I have been on one date since the break up. The guy was nice but it just did not feel right to me. Everything just reminded me of me and my ex. We have had no contact for a while. I guess that is a good thing. I'm not sure. I miss him a lot and think about him but not as much as it was right after the break up. I still love and care for him and want to be there for him. I wonder if he even thinks about me or still loves me or even misses me. Im not sure if we will be together in the end. I pray every night about it. I hope he is happy. I'm not sure if he is still seeing this other girl. I would like to hear from him sometime just to know how he is doing. I feel a little better but still have a part of him missing. Im not even sure if I should wish him a happy birthday next month. Thanks for all the help

[GlindaofOz]

I'm so glad to hear that hheather17. Keep on chugging forward. As much as it might suck keep going on dates it really does help. If nothing else it reminds you that there just might be someone else out there and hey, it's a chance to get out of the house if nothing else. It will get easier.

[justhaveaquestion]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the encouraging advice. I guess you would like to know the update of my situation. well each day is getting a little easier for me. I have been on one date since the break up. The guy was nice but it just did not feel right to me. Everything just reminded me of me and my ex. We have had no contact for a while. I guess that is a good thing. im not sure. I miss him alot and think about him but not as much as it was right after the break up. I still love and care for him and want to be there for him. I wonder if he even thinks about me or still loves me or even misses me. Im not sure if we will be together in the end. I pray every night about it. I hope he is happy. im not sure if he is still seeing this other girl. I would like to hear from him sometime just to know how he is doing. I feel a little better but still have a part of him missing. Im not even sure if i should wish him a happy birthday next month. Thanks for all the help

That's how I waswhen me and my ex broke up I didn't date anyone for like 7 months after it because I was too heart broken and like you said everythig reminded me of me and him.. you feel like theirs something wrong with everyone you date haha like the guys too nice or too clingy or not clingy enough but it gets so much easier.. keep going on dates.. but you don't want to start something with someone if your still in love with your ex that's not fair to either of you eventually it will fade.. I'm not really sure on the situation with you and your ex because this is the only thing I've read but it sounds like its OK to wish him a happy birthday just don't make yourself seem too much ready to talk considering you haven't in awhile. You don't wan thim to get the wrong idea but I thinkits OK to wish him a happy birthday. Go out and find things to do to keep your mind off him the more things your doing the less tim eyou have to think about him and how you wish you guys wer eback

[lacuran8626]

Sounds to me that he wants a break so he can play the field and have someone local instead of dealing with the distance, but he wants to keep you on ice and not permit you to date because he isn't done with you yet. Let him go and if he wants to rekindle things later, make sure he's totally up front (which you will know because you will trust and accept his explanation without having to work at it) before you let him back in your life. I think that if he's asking for a break, you are free to date. Let him know you are fine with the break but will not be left on the shelf and are going to date if you have the opportunity to do so. If he asks whether you've been dating or whatever, tell him it's none of his business because, if you're on a "break", it isn't.

He wants to have his cake and eat it to. Don't be the cake.

[Chery]

[QUOTE]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for the encouraging advice. I guess you would like to know the update of my situation. Well each day is getting a little easier for me. I have been on one date since the break up. The guy was nice but it just did not feel right to me. Everything just reminded me of me and my ex.

Rebound dates will not help you. You are still obsessed with your ex.

We have had no contact for a while. I guess that is a good thing. I'm not sure. I miss him a lot and think about him but not as much as it was right after the break up. I still love and care for him and want to be there for him. I wonder if he even thinks about me or still loves me or even misses me.

Your obsession is going to get the better of you. You 'wish' he would be there for you - and still wish he thinks about you and misses you. Girl, he tried in his way not to harm you because you probably would have threatened suicide or cutting if he had told you the truth from the start. He chickened out on a situation he did not know how to handle.

Im not sure if we will be together in the end. I pray every night about it.

Sorry, but I don't think so, and not every prayer gets answered the way we would like. Pray for health and strength for yourself.

I hope he is happy.

Tell the truth, no you don't hope he's happy, you hope he's as miserable as you are.

I'm not sure if he is still seeing this other girl. I would like to hear from him sometime just to know how he is doing.

Don't waste time getting into her life, or his anymore. Hearing the same excuse from him is not going to make you happy. HE CHICKENED OUT ON YOU - For whatever reason - and you cannot change that.

I feel a little better but still have a part of him missing. Im not even sure if I should wish him a happy birthday next month.

I sincerely hope that you mean what you state. Right now, don't think about his birthday. Think about the steps you are going to take to help yourself heal and get a new perspective on life.

I hope that you have learned from this and that you will NOT make someone else the center of your universe from now on. Make new friends, keep busy, and look forward.


Pick yourself up, dust yourself off - you know the rest...

[kp2171]

I think you don't have to read into his message at all.

Relationships take work and energy. Yes, they also provide you with comfort and peace, but its just not that simple, even with real love. He's trying to focus on his life and goals, and as much as it hurts that it takes away from you, I personally think it's a strong trait. People can make decisions on a whim for love. People alter plans and direct their lives for love. Much of the time it means they lost sight of themselves or their goals. Knowing that he needs to step back can be a powerful and important realization for him.

But for you, I sucks. It means you need to face reality, though its better to face reality than to live a lie. Its too much for him right now. No matter how "perfect" the relationship... it's the reality. You might have had a good relationship in many ways. I also think some relationships are great for the time they are intended.

I've loved three women in my life, other than my wife. The first, young love lasted almost 7 years. I fully believe that the love was real, and mostly healthy except for the crash and burn ending... but it was a love that wasn't intended for the rest of my life. It was a great love for that time, and when that time was done, it was done.

Now... I'm not saying your relationship is over. And I'm not saying it isn't over. But it IS not the same, no matter what. He is focused on himself alone right now, and that's sometimes a mature insight. We can also wonder about whether there are other people he's attracted to and all that noise... without any reason to believe that, lets just set that aside.

So what about you? Well, I'm hoping you had life plans that were bigger than the relationship. You were going to school. Do it. If it was right before its right now. If going to that school is too much or too hard then find another. Start with a local community college if you can't change things fast enough or start in a different session.

The best relationships are NOT the ones where people lose themselves in this thing that is bigger and all emcompassing. You need to find your own path, your own way, and if a relationship can intertwine with that, then great. But do not plan your education around another person right now... it can be a huge mistake to delay your educational plans.

As for the relationship... best probably to start putting some distance in. if he comes back you want him to come back full bore... you want him to know he needs to be back. So that means you need to back off. Its no fun. It sucks. But you can't "be there" for him right now. Your job is to focus on you. And that means facing reality.

The reality is he has asked for distance and he will get it. And you need to begin to accept the reality, and begin backing off some.

Many of us have been where you are. Its no fun. Hurts like hell. And most of us have moved on and dealt with it, whether the relationship mended or broke. No fun. But its just what you go through sometimes.