[workcherrie]

Here's the whole story...
I was strongly "encouraged" to marry a man I had only known for 2 weeks by my parents when I was only 16 and so I did. Shortly after marrying him I found out from his family that he had been convicted of molesting a 4yo little boy and that was just not the sort of person I could be with, it made me sick to be in his presents! So I started searching for a way out and soon met a guy who said he would get me out(and no I was not sleeping with this man) So I took the chance and left only to later find out I was pregnant. I have no idea how I got pregnant because I was not only on birth control but was using spermicide and I also found I was further along than I thought because I had not had sex with him since I found out what he did. I was panicked and knew I was too young to know anything about raising a child but I would never have an abortion, I never could! My family had abandoned me in many ways because of there religious beliefs and my impending divorce. The only person I had to help me was this man who saved me from my situation. We became close and started a relationship(you know jumped head first like you do when you are young and dumb) He cheated don my constantly but I stayed, when I was 8 mo along he threw me out a door onto an old heater but I stayed, he told me he didn't wasn't to be with me any more and was cheating me again 4 hours after giving birth to my son but I'm not sure why but I let him come back. Years passed and my sons father never tried to see him and I had married the cheating bastard that saved me I guess because I didn't know how to be alone. When my son was about 2 my husband said he was cheating again so I got back by cheating to (yes I know this was wrong) we split and I took my baby and left in the middle of the night. Weeks later after having been talking to my x we decided to meet to see if things could be worked out, I had already sent my son to visit his grandparents. He picked me up and I was under the impression that we were going to dinner but he had another agenda. Mid hello (after I had seetbelted in) his fist hit me like a ton of bricks. He was speeding down the 405 and beating the hell out of me. He beet me from Seattle to wenatchee which was a two hour drive. At one point I tried to jump out the car and he caught my arm and dragged me out the door for a few blocks. In all he broke both my eye sockets and my jaw was torn from the ligaments and my skull was busted open in two spots, I had broken ribs and was quiet cut up. I was slipping in and out of conciencness and my eyes were full of blood and almost swollen completely shut. He drove to my parents house and gave me a hoodie and told me to put it on and keep my head down and don't say anything. He walked in and told my mother he had done something and showed me to her. She just looked at me and asked me what I had don't to deserve it. He told her I cheated on him and so she had no remorse for me. They put me in the bath tub and left me there. It took me hours to run the bath and get out. The water looked like pure blood he then put the hoodie back on me and sat next to me and told me to once again keep my head down and mouth shut because my dad was getting home. My dad sat there yelling at me for not calling him and said I was wrong for not even looking at him, so I ripped the sweeter off and looked up, though I couldn't see at all my then, like a record he looked at my x and asked if he did that and he answered "yep" and he then asked me what I did to deserve it. Well in all they let him stay there 3 days not allowing me to go to the hospital because I might turn him in and they would leave me there with him to beet me further and force me to do him oral favors with a broken jaw. I was so scared that even my own parents were not on my side and there was no one to rescue me now. He left Scott free and I was not allowed to leave my parents house that was far away from any thing in the hills anyway. My son would scream every tine he saw me because I was unrecognizable. As soon as I could I moved out and into my brothers house and other places from there ending in place like the projects. Something had snapped in me and I had given up on life and men and let my son stay with my parents a lot of the time because I thought I was no kind of good mother. I picked up a drug habit and my mother came to me and asked that I sign her with temporary custody of my son, she said if I didn't sign she already had a lawyer and more money and would take him for good, so I signed with her promise that I could get him back some day. My drug habit got worse but no one ever know about it. My son was all I lived for and now he was gone and I was giving up, I moved from one slum to the next until meeting a Buddhist man who came to my house to bring blankets and food and said he should not leave me there. I decided I had to respect myself as much as this stranger and quit doing the drugs that day and have never touched them again! I spent about a month there and started dating a guy who's father was a major meth dealer. He had a warrant out and I told him the only way I would date him was if he turned himself in and got it over with but his mother was a schizophrenic stuck with this abusive meth dealer and he didn't want to leave her alone so I said I would go and stay with her while he was in jail, big mistake, I had to sleep with a knife in my hand because I was not trusted. While in jail he turned in his step fater and they did a drug bust and the authorities said that I needed to leave the county to be safe, so I moved. I spent the next few years I moved from state to state and man to man thinking sooner or later things would work out for me, and I could get my son back but it always turned out hopeless. I was depressed and had long since given up an myself and my life and had no idea what to do. Well I was living in new Orleans before hurricane Katrina and was evacuated you could say ( by yet another crappy relationship) and went to Jackson Mississippi. I think it was here that I started to grow up finally and stopped giving up and giving in and stared making plans for myself. I said I was not going to date anymore but met a guy that was very sweet and spent hours on the phone with him and in time he wore me down and we started dating and we began to grow in both our lives, helping each other. We moved back to Washington and started working up. Over the years when I saw my son he always told me that he wanted to stay with my parents and I didn't want to force him to live with me if he didn't want to(after all it was all my fault) but now he wants to be with me. I have been in Washington for a year and a half now and have worked up from job to job to job and now am able to afford a nice place and a new car and the things I need and now between my boyfriend (of 2 years now) and myself we make more than my parents do. My son has come to stay with me for the summer and doesn't want to go back with my parents. My mother had said in the beginning of the summer that if he decided to stay that he could but now that he dose want to stay she is saying she never said that and that I am an immoral terrible mother and that I haven't changed at all and there is no way I will get my some back after all this time has passed. I don't know what to do or where to start but I don't want my son with those people anymore and he wants to be here. I have to do something and fast but I don't know what and I have searched but with out answers. I just wish for once in my life something would work out right!! :confused:

[GV70]

Ok-if the temporary order was an issue in Washington, you have to file the petition there.
Second-you have to prove that there has been a substantial change of your and your child's wishes.your present interactions and your fitness to be a parent.If your mother opposites to it you have to hire a lawyer and one or more psychologists.It is recommended that you have to be examined closely.If your mother states that you have drug-addiction and you have immoral conduct the court will grant a period for observation-it is from six months to one year.It all depends on your mother -UNFORTUNATELY

[workcherrie]

Dose it matter that I live with my boyfriend and my addiction was more than 5 years ago?

[GV70]

dose it matter that i live with my boyfriend and my addiction was more than 5 years ago?

Ask the judge:p

[workcherrie]

Yeah I was trying to avoid that haha

[J_9]

Wow, the story was very hard to read. All one paragraph and little punctuation.

Now, look, I think your parents should be in prison for what they did to you, okay. So, understand I am on your side in all this.

It is that you don't really have a proven track record. Yes, you may have been off drugs for 5 years, but how long have you been with this man (I may have missed it), oh, two years.

Sweetie, you need to walk, not run, and pick up a phone book and contact a family law attorney. There is little you, or we here at AMHD, can do to help you keep your son.

[GV70]

Wow, the story was very hard to read. All one paragraph and little punctuation.

Now, look, I think your parents should be in prison for what they did to you, okay. So, understand I am on your side in all this.

It is that you don't really have a proven track record. Yes, you may have been off of drugs for 5 years, but how long have you been with this man (I may have missed it), oh, two years.

Sweetie, you need to walk, not run, and pick up a phone book and contact a family law attorney. There is little you, or we here at AMHD, can do to help you keep your son.

You are right but if we try to think legaly-the situation is not good:(

[J_9]

No, it's not good. Her track record is basically shot. She has only been with the boyfriend for 2 years after gong from man to man and making very dangerous decisions.

What would make a judge think that she won't go back to her dangerous ways?

It may be possible that you can win this, but not this summer. It may be a long hard road.

[workcherrie]

Yeah I thought as much, this life was not meant to be easy

[GV70]

No, it's not good. Her track record is basically shot. She has only been with the boyfriend for 2 years after gong from man to man and making very dangerous decisions.

What would make a judge think that she won't go back to her dangerous ways?

It may be possible that you can win this, but not this summer. It may be a long hard road.

Yes-I suppose that it will spread a year... maybe less... Having boyfriend and job is not enough for the court.

[J_9]

None of life is easy, not yours, not mine. But it is all about the CHOICES we make in life.

Now, continue to make good choices rather than the ones you made in the past and things may get easier.

Have you joined a church? That may help. No, I am not a bible thumper, nor am I going to push religion down your throat, but living in the small town that I do, and knowing the lawyers and judges that I do, I know that being a member of a church is held in high regard. Why you might ask? Because churches are known for having a very good support system. You will need not only to be clean for 5+ years, you will possibly need to be married to a healthy man (not one of the bums you used to hang around with), have a good and stable income, maybe even consider going back to school, furthering your education, etc.

Remember, for you now it will be all about the choices you make.

[workcherrie]

I never thought of my boyfriend as part of it, he is just there. You never know about relationships and can't count on them but I was only looking at myself who has come from nothing to having a home and a good car and many things and a good job and no matter how long it takes I will have my son.

[J_9]

I never thought of my boyfriend as part of it, he is just there. you never know about relationships and can't count on them but i was only looking at my self who has come from nothing to having a home and a good car and many things and a good job and no matter how long it takes i will have my son.

You never thought of your boyfriend as part of it!! :eek: You are kidding right? Your boyfriend has LOTS to do with it, if not EVERYTHING!

No judge in his right mind is going to let a child live where there may be inherent danger, this includes your boyfriend. If he drinks, drugs, porno, etc, guess what, you are stuck where you are now.

You need to prove you are stable. A good job, a good education, a good boyfriend, insurance, the list goes on.

You were into drugs, Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, counseling, therapy, again the list goes on and on. I stress counseling as a counselor will be able to testify on your behalf when the time comes.

You can count on relationships when you make good CHOICES. There is that word again, CHOICES.

[workcherrie]

Would it help my situation if I marry my boyfriend? He keeps asking me but I keep saying no, I'm not sure why, it just hasn't felt like the right time.

[J_9]

It may or it may not. It all depends on what kind of man he is. If he is anything like the losers you dated in the past then it is going to hurt you really bad.

[workcherrie]

He is a good man and a hard and loyal worker, he just boars the hell out of me but I guess that may be a good thing.

[Canada_Sweety]

If you actually want to and if you actually love him... you don't want to get stuck in a marriage where you are going to be misserable.

[J_9]

He bores you? So you are not compatible?

Does he bore you because he is not into drug and drink? Because he is not a partier?

If he bores you he is not the man you need. You will be miserable in years and come here saying how sorry you are that you married him, etc...

Think about what kind of life you want for you and your child. Is this the life you want forever or are you considering marrying him for the sole purpose of getting your child back? That would be a little selfish, you know.

[GlindaofOz]

This situation is very sad. Your parents and your ex should be in jail for what was done to you. (BTW that was unlawful imprisonment).

With that being said - if this guy is boring you and you are not that happy maybe you should leave men alone for a while. It seems like you need to work on being by yourself and getting your life together in order to get your kid back. Maybe what the judge needs to see is that you are a healthy, self sufficient person who is not jumping from one boyfriend to another. You need to consider what sort of life you put your kind into. You should standards that are higher then high since you want to get your kid back.

I'd take J9's advice and join AA or NA and start attending some sort of counseling. If nothing else it will show that you are trying to break unhealthy cycles in your life. Best of luck to you.

[J_9]

I totally agree with Glinda. Because of your past, it may be in your best interest to show that you can be self sufficient.

Who really needs a man anyway? LOL