[PECATL]

I'm 28 and have been in several long relationships. Never rushed anything or jumped to any conclusions, assumed anything. Just a little background before everyone thinks I am f*** crazy. My ex and I broke up almost two months ago. We were together for seven months, engaged for the last two. This woman was everything in my eyes. She made me feel like I was 18 all over again... lol... She was it for me, she is my soulmate and I am hers. I thought.

I have had my heart broken before and been able to turn the other cheek and get over it. I am having problems with that right now. I think about her constantly. I don't eat, sleep, half it at work, hardly go to the gym. Nothing that I do helps. I have never been depressed before and it is hard for me to admit that I am now. There is no fixing this relationship. It has been really nasty and I think the both of us have damaged each other. I just need some advice on how to cope with this. I just started taking medication, hope it starts working soon. Any advice would be helpful at this point.

I know this sounds like the same old whoa is me b.s. my heart is broken. That is not it. An oppurtunity to spend the rest of my life with my soulmate has been taken from me.

[NeedKarma]

How can she be your only soulmate if the feeling is not mutual? The best feeling you'll ever have is when the other person is as in to you as you are to her.

[A.J.R]

Are You 100% Sure You Have Lost This Soulmate Of Yours. I Know That Sometiomes In A Real Meaningful Relationship We Tend To Say Some Hurtful Things Or Fight Over What Really Seems To Be Nothing. But In Love And War Everything Is Fair, So Why Not Try Fighting Hard For This Soulmate Of Yours. Explore Every Option You Have To Be Able To Reunite With Your Soulmate. I Thought I Had Lost My Soulmate When The Father Of My Children Left Me, But Come To Find Out, After I Explored Every Option I Had, He Wasn't. I Found My Soulmate After I Relocated To Ca. We Have Been Together For 3yrs Now And He Has Helped Me Raise My Children, Which He Says Are His, Not That Sperm Donor As He Refers To The Children Biological Father. So, Don't Give Up So Fast, Or Maybe This Person Wasn't Your Soulmate After All. So Keep Your Spirit Up, Because You Never Know When Opportunity Is At Your Door. Good Luck And I Really Hope You Can Sort This Out. :)

[Wildcat21]

"This woman was everything in my eyes. " - THERE is you problem. Women are part of your life, NOT your life. You put this woman on pedestal and eventually she was repulsed by it.

You can't make a woman your life - ever. They are part of your life - you need work, workout, school, friends family. A woman is a small part of your life - she has her own life as well to live.

Have a feeling you were WAY in too much contact with her through out the day - EVENTUALLY she became complete ANNOYED - and ran. YOU chased her away.

Woman don't want needy-clingy guys.

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.

[Wildcat21]

But when you start dating a woman that you really LIKE, your fear of abandonment and your need for approval kick in. What you want more than anything is for her to like you, to like you as much as you like her. What you fear the most is that you may disappoint or upset her somehow so that she won't want to be with you.

So you cater to her whims and you don't set healthy boundaries. To you Psych majors, he always lets her get her way.
The irony is that all these things that you do to get her to like you and to try to insure that she won't leave you are actually the very things that make her withdraw from you. Unfortunately, either out of denial or ignorance, you keep repeating the same behavior with each new woman that you like.
So what's the way out of this trap? Awareness and insight are the first steps, which are what I'm providing you with now.

Next, you must have a fierce determination to do whatever it takes, however uncomfortable, to clean up your act.

You need to leqarn to be a man and not a Wuss.

[Wildcat21]

What you really want is to know how to get a girl to fall in love with you, so she'll settle down and be your girlfriend, right? All this bit about, "she loves me, she loves me not" stuff, or "does she really like me" is just a weak attempt to bolster our confidence. The best way to get her head over heels for you is to act like you can take it or leave it. You want to show interest in the girl, but not act like you're dependent upon her liking you back. If she senses that you need her to like you, she'll like you less right away... and it only continues to go downhill from there.

The best way to play this thing is simply to proceed on the assumption that she DOES like you, until she actually turns you away in some act of rejection. And when THAT happens, you simply back off for a spell and DON'T show any signs of being fazed by it. Take somebody else out for awhile, and then after a little time has gone by call #1 girl up out of the blue and just act like nothing has ever happened. When she senses that you enjoy her company but are not DEPENDENT upon her attention or reciprocation of feelings, her feelings for you will begin to grow stronger. A girl's feelings can be up and down like the ocean waves. Don't gauge your approach on what whimsical emotion she may be feeling at some particular moment. Be steady.

YOU CAN NEVER fully surrender to a woman. You stopped being a challenge and she left.

[turtlegirl]

You just started taking meds, right? SSRIs take 2 weeks or so to kick in. Take some baby steps in the meantime. It's crazy how good you will feel if you MAKE yourself go for a walk or MAKE yourself cook some pasta or whatever for dinner. Take care of yourself. You have to take care of yourself.
Be well.

[Wildcat21]

When my gal broke with me last winter I went to the gym every day for two hours - heavy cardio and heavy lifting - then a long sauna and steam. Didn't contact her for 3 months - she called 3 times during that time. It was painful - but I also have great friends, casually dated, family, worked harder than ever. We have a very different relationship now and it's great - she chases me again (I think - ha!)

I finally sent her the casual e-mail and grew from there.

People want what they can't have! Always! When you are busy it can help build that. When you are constantly available and preditable she will leave.

[lickemlolly]

Yes listen to wildcat... friends are great.. during my breakup I had some great friends... you know what else... sorry to be so honest but I really don't think that 7 months is enough time to get to know someone... you are just getting to really know someone at that point... marriage is a serious deal... I love my mate we have been together for a year and a half and I'm almost positive that he is the one I'm going to marry as is he but if you think about it this way... if you really love that person that much then what is the rush? you have the rest of your lives... obviously you haven't spent enough time with this person to know whether she truly is the one... OBVIOUSLY or you'd still be together right... stop worrying about her and enjoy your life for now... its terrible to let someone become your life.. it really is..