Originally Posted by
putimo
hi i am 25, i dont know if i will call myself bi or lesbian. still now i am wodering.i have sex before with a female (girl to girl) and i find it good, even there is no penetration i mean the real thing (penis) i feel satisfied.. i like the way she touched me coz its so gentle but if i have sex with my bf it is painful. i consider myself virgin because theres no penetration, we do oral sex but not returning the favor....sometimes i hate myself but i dont know why i feel like this......
i loved the girl because shes nice, she care for me alot.....i split up with my bf but he dont know the real reason(girl)....is this consider a sin to my bf and to god....
when i was a child i been abused with my father......but i tried to forgive him.... many times....
Your last sentence of your post pretty much says it all. The reason why you can not open up enough to a man, the reason why you feel more comfortable with a women is because of the way your father treated you and the abuse that happened. This of course has effected the choices in men, and also the intimacy. The pain that your feeling is truly the pain you feel and have from your experience with your father. Have you ever been to counseling about what has happened to you. I hope that you start the process of healing.
If I read it properly, this is an ex boyfriend now, right. Does your ex know of your experiences in the past? Whether it is a sin considered by your ex does not matter.
You need to ask yourself, ask God in prayer if what your experiencing is because of the past, is it something you will be able to work through? It seems to me that your more comfortable with women because of the treatment you got with your father, and until you clear up this issue and truly deal with it, no one will really know if you are one way or another or both. Just because you have had this experience I do not think this makes your gay.
There was this women I knew, she got raped and this tramatises different people in different ways, this person is now with another women as her partner and I think it stems from that experience.
I hope you work through this and get the additional help to get out all your thoughts and feelings and find out who your true person is.