[talaniman]

Rolls Royce

Moshe was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. His own car was off the road being serviced.

"Sure," said Morry, "I'll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside."

As they're driving along, Moshe says, "Morry, what's that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?"

"That's my digital clock."

A few minutes later, Moshe asks, "And what's that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?"

"That's my tachometer," says Morry.

Then a few minutes after that, Moshe starts to ask, "But what's that...."

"Hold on a minute, Moshe," says Morry, "I can see you've never been in a Rolls Royce before."

"Never in the front seat." says Moshe.





How can I get to heaven?

I asked the children in my Sunday School class, "If I sold my house and my car, held a big garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"

"No!" the children all answered.

Then I said, "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "No!"

"Well," I continued, "then how can I get to heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"





Apprehension

After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness

My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely.

"Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked,. "And will your grandmother need a rental car?"





For The Kids...

Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain.
Why's that?
My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.

Doctor, doctor, my hair's coming out. Can you give me something to keep it in?
Certainly - how about a paper bag?

Doctor, doctor, people keep ignoring me.
Next, please!

Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Pull yourself together!

[magprob]

Morry comes home from a hard day at the office. As usual, his wife greets him at the door.
"I have some good news, and I have some bad news, Morry."
"Give me the bad news first." Morry said.
"Well, Morry, our son is gay." She answers.
"Oh my God! Morry exclaims, How could there be any good news?"
"Well Morry, he's going with a rich doctor."