[mama2agirl]

HI! I have a question. I would love for my 2 1/2 yr old to play independently! Huge problem: she is glued to my hip, and I do mean glued. She gets tons and tons of one on one quality time with me (both pure, silly fun and also educational) she is extremely happy when I am involved with all of her play but will not do any sort of play without me. If I try to do the dishes or laundry she is constantly saying “mommy sit down, play with me” and cries and throws fits. I would also like her to play in her room at some point but she is just refusing to be separated from me in any way. I would like to point out I absolutely adore the quality time I have with my beautiful girl! But sometimes, just sometimes I seriously need some space! Not to mention I feel it’s very important that she develop the life skill of being “alone and content”, learning to occupy herself and think of things to do on her own. I do feel that I may have created some of this... when I was little I strongly remember my mom NOT playing with me. And it's always bothered me, so from the moment she was born it's always been important to me that she is happy, and knows I want to be with her. So for example, if she is wanting me to play but I have to do the dishes she will keep pulling on me and begging me and I feel like she feels unwanted, so I stop the dishes and play. As I type this, I know it's incorrect, I just don't know where the happy medium is?
Another huge problem is diaper changing. She runs from me and once I finally get her laid down she kicks me, she gets up, she gets poop everywhere, she just makes it take way longer than it should and it's exhausting. I try singing, I hold her down, I tell her we do NOT kick mommy, I have spanked her butt, I try occupying her.. I've tried everything! I know that in a busy toddler's world the last thing she wants is to lay still for that but this is crazy. She is an extremely opinionated child who knows exactly what she wants and we really butt heads. Im the exact opposite and I just want peace and happiness.
I want all readers to know that I do discipline her and I can tell her no. Like I never give her sweets and toys just because she says so... my only problem is with my time and play. I don't know where this guilt (?) comes from, I KNOW that she knows I love her, I just don't like when she is upset.
So I'm wondering, if I just all of a sudden say "no, mommy is not going to play right now, I'm busy." won't she think wow what did I do wrong that all of a sudden mommy has no interest in me. I don't know guys, that's why I need help.
Thank you, thank you, thank you in advance
I almost forgot another huge issue. Im 29 now and when I was 22 I was in a car accident and had back surgery, so now my back is much worse. Day after day I push through all the pain to play with my daughter. So when she was smaller we did A lot of physical play, putting her on my back, me holding her and dancing, letting her jump all over me etc. Well now that she is 2 and 1/2 she is much heavier but it breaks my heart to stop doing these things. Her father gets really mad at me because he sees all he extra pain I bring on myself... but I feel as a her mommy I can only hold her for a little longer, then it will be impossible. I don't want to take these fun things away from her when she doesn't understand why. I know I bring more pain on myself and pay the price dearly, but isn't that what Im supposed to do as her mom? In my house there wasn't much fun at all and no interaction with my mom so I think this is where most of my problem comes from. My mother and I have a good relationship now for the most part but sometimes it feels weird to even hug my mom, maybe because there was very little of this in my childhood. I want the exact opposite for my baby.

When myself, my daughter and her father are home he plays with her some but when its time to stop, that's it and she knows it. With me, she never wants it to end and I can't find a way to draw a line without breaking her heart. How can I keep this a happy home AND get her to listen to and respect me?

[J_9]

Wow, that was really long. LOL

Let me guess, she is your only child right?

This is all normal behavior for her age. She has a lifetime to develop the "life skills" you want her to learn. She's only been on this planet for 2 1/2 years.

As far as the dishes... incorporate her into doing the dishes. Pull up a chair, let her "help." Sure, she's going to make a mess, but you get the job done and she is happy and helping.

Try turning your daily duties into play time.. For example, when vacuuming... "chase" her telling her that the vacuum is the piggy toe eater... she will laugh and run and jump on the couch... The lesson.. she had fun and you got the vacuuming done.

In the end, she is still young and she should not be expected to play in her room yet, she's not mature enough for that.

[2ndTime]

It is understandable that you don't want to hurt your child's feelings by telling her that you have to stop playing with her to do house chore or because you are in a lot of pain, but you have to be a parent and draw the line. Maybe you should make friends with other mom's with children who are your child's age, so that your child will have easier time transitioning from playing with you to playing with her own age. Hope this helped.

[NowWhat]

I truly believe one of the first things that kids learn is manipulation. And I think it just natural. They learn so quickly what they can and can not get away with.
She knows that when play time is over with dad - it's over. She knows with you that it can go for days.
You need to show her that you are the adult - what YOU say goes. So, if you are in the middle of dishes - and she wants to play. Let her know that when YOU are done - then you can play. If you stop what you are doing when she asks you to do something - she learns real quick.
She will not think "oh, Mommy doesn't want anything to do with me". You are doing a good job - you are not your mother. Your daughter KNOWS you love her and you want to play with her.

As far as the diaper thing - especially the poop... yuck. That needs to stop. Use this opportunity to teach there are consequences for your actions. If she fights you to change a poopie diaper, resulting in poop every where - she needs a punishment. Time out, a toy taken away - something. Also, you could start thinking about potty training - mine was trained at about 2 1/2 - so you could give that a try and say goodbye to diapers all together. (Just a thought)

And, finally, your back issues. Let me just say that you aren't doing anyone any favors by pushing yourself. You can still do the things you like - just modify the way you do them.

Good Luck