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Elloganias · Jan 19, 2011, 01:01 PM

Ok, Girlfriend of only 3 months, not much compared to some but its been the happiest time of my life. Then, out of the blue, during school she says its not working, That "its not supposed to be this way" that we don't have enough in common. Its been two weeks and a couple days since that, I'm still at a loss for what I did. She's given me a couple reasons. "We werent right for each other" "we didnt have enough in common" and most recently "I blame people for everything"... Yeah. She seemed so damn happy two days before she broke up with me, she left a note on my phone to find while we where watching a movie, it said "You are the coolest person ever I love you so much ur amazing stay with me forever" IDK what happened, but two days later she broke up with me and would barely talk to me, she said she wanted space I gave that to her but kept asking why. Those are about the only answers she's given in two weeks *cough* BS. I wouldn't say that to her but.. I still love her to death, would do anything for her, I forgave her the day after she broke my heart into a million pieces. All I want in the world is to be back together with her, I gave her my heart, gave her all the time in the world for her and I don't know what I did wrong. After two weeks I almost want to just give up, forget it, but I feel like I cant, I don't have any idea what could fill the void.

talaniman · Jan 19, 2011, 04:55 PM

Her feelings changed and she ain't into you but doesn't know how to express it. Hey it was fun while it lasted, but let it go and accept it and keep your dignity and self respect, by bowing out gracefully. What are you 15 or something?? First girlfriend??

Everybody knows that after a proper time to heal, you will find someone, or something else to fill the void. You just have to get over the shock first.

Elloganias · Jan 19, 2011, 08:17 PM

Well to make it more confusing I have asked her what happened. How could those feelings just disappear. And she told me they hadn't. Again with the not how it's supposed to be. Never been one for dignity. Although I do have a bit of pride and honor. And yes. First girlfriend. I know it was almost certain to happen that we broke up. But it still doesn't make any sense. And sorry to disappoint but I'm 17. Always been a little iffy on relationships. Which made this one special. I was going with no relationships before college and I fell for this girl. Hard. Who had apparently had a crush on me for a good half a year. A little slow on the dating game yes. Again, sorry to disappoint, always been the guy that just kind of watches as the drama unfolds. Feel like I don't belong anywhere. But finally found a place.

talaniman · Jan 19, 2011, 08:44 PM

While it was special to you, it wasn't to her. Of course what goes on in her mind wouldn't make sense to you. But 3 months is plenty of time to decide she had enough. That's why you avoid the confusion, and leave her alone, and not dwell on the whys of a break up. They happen for any reason. Heck half the time none of us knows why our feelings change.

Okay you fell for her pretty hard, but its time to get back up, and get beyond this.

Elloganias · Jan 20, 2011, 06:42 AM

But it was specialto her. I know that. Over Christmas. I went down toflorida with my family. This was only two months into our relationship. I got her a nice bracelet for Christmas but she couldn't figure out what to get me lol. So all the time we where together she would joke how hard it was to find a gift to get me. And then she got an idea. She wouldn't tell me buy she went around and asked a lot of our mutual friends for ideas. So the day that I had to leave I went to her house for a bit, and then she gave me her gift. It was amazing. She had a gift and a handwritten letter for every day that we would be apart. And we talked almost every night. Even though we where a thousand miles apart. I was in two places at once that Christmas eve. With my family. And in her heart. As she was always in mine. Or so she said. It's so hard to move on. It may have been only three months but I saw myself spending a lifetime with this girl. I've noticed other girls yes. But this one has it all, an amazing smile, beautiful humor, a great body, and an amazing talent for making me feel like the happiest guy in the world. I would do anything to see that smile on her face again. And give everything for it to be because of me. I'm whatever she wants. And if that's a friend then that's what I'll be. But I can't get her out of my head. Only thing I want in the world is her

talaniman · Jan 20, 2011, 08:03 AM

It was special to her for a while. I have to emphasize, until you realize that the special stuff is over, and you are caught up in a trap your feelings have made for you because the past is over, and the reality of NOW, is what counts.

But no worries, you will understand when the shock has past. Break ups do that to you.

Elloganias · Jan 20, 2011, 08:21 AM

I've never been one for reality. Always seems to suck. People murdered every day. Women raped. This world we live in, sometimes I just think it would be better just not dealing with it. Is all the hurt all the pain, the disappointment really worth putting up for the small joy life brings. Not to me at the moment. It's just a waste of my time. I'm the kid that kept to himself his entire life, sat in the corner of the class reading a book cause he didn't fit in with the class. I don't dress. "in" I don't act like the "cool kids" and so I just ignored people. Who cares. Why is a powerful question, ask yourself, why do you do what you do, why do you keep going on, and right now, I've lost my why. I may be seventeen but I know how I feel. How this world makes me feel. It makes me sad to be human. How pathetic people really are. I found something. I gave it my all. During the first month or so of our relationship, I would text her something funny sarcastically and she wouldn't answer for maybe a good 4 hours. And I kind of went, " ahhh I'm sorry" but it happens she just left her phone somewhere. So she made me promise, to trust her, that she wouldn't just leave out of the blue, not going to just let me go. And now I find it hard to trust anyone. To feel the way we did. And then. People don't make sense. And I'm tired of them. I can't do anything without thinking of her. Still love her to death, that really confuses me. People say, it will always get better, you will let go, it will just take time. I'm not sure if I want them to go. These memories. They cause me pain. But are still of the happiest time of my life. She wrote me a note one day, just some of the things she loved about me, when we first started going out. Page long. And I kept it in my wallet. I don't think I'm going to take it out. I don't want to fall for anyone else. I already gave her my heart. Don't want to give it to anyone else.

talaniman · Jan 20, 2011, 09:14 AM

Sure there is a lot of negative in reality to be seen. But lets not pass over the good. There is a lot of that too. You seem not to be able to see that, and I can understand wanting to hold onto the good that has touched you for a while.

That was only a quick taste of the better things to be had, should you choose to explore it. That is your reality whether you accept it or not, in that you have choices you make within your own reality, and no one else's.

answerme_tender · Jan 20, 2011, 09:45 AM

Elloganias,

Listen, most of us know what its like to have to go through a break up. We understand it sucks, and its lonely.

But you are just wasting your time by sitting back and still letting her have control over your life. Get out and do something. You are ticked off about some of the bad things going on in life, so what are YOU DOING to help besides just pointing out how life sucks. Why don't you get off your backside and go help the special needs children to just have a friend, or perhaps volunteer at the either the homeless or woman's shelter, help cooking or yard work or just being there. Why not volunteer to read to the elderly or yet again to the special needs that cannot read.

There is a lot that you can do as a mature 17yro man to assist in making this world a better place to live. There maybe other young people going through the exact pain you are but cannot handle it in a mature way as you, so why not put a ad in school newspaper to get some people together to just be able to talk about what they are going through, it doesn't have to be a break up, maybe its abuse at home, or death of a family member, etc...

Take care

Elloganias · Jan 20, 2011, 09:56 AM

I'm still not really sure what to do about the whole situation. At first she just wanted to not be together but to be really good friends. And I always told her yes I'd love to be good friends at the very least but I still think we can talk about this. Don't really remember exactly what I said. So after a day or two I left her alone and just didn't talk to her or even try to make eye contact in the hallway. I wasn't sure what to do and my world was in shambles, falling apart in almost every way imaginable. And then a couple days ago. I texted her with "hey how are you" just trying to be friendly. Well that was my intention, not really sure how she took it. Obviously she didn't reply. But I found out later that she had un friended me on Facebook and blocked me. No idea why. Got me thinking. And I tend to over think things a lot, bear with me. I had never before tried to even talk to her over Facebook. So. Was it my message from me or was it just seeing my picture seeing me in general. In my fantasy world it's because she's trying to push me away, because she still really likes me but she's afraid to come back. She doesn't trust herself. But that's just me thinking positive. Then she texted me that same night. With hey. Like... Idk. Just so confusing. I still don't want to let her go. I feel that if we talk about it we could solve anything. So.. Yeah. Idk. I've talked to so many of my friends and her friends. And they all answered with.. What? After it happened. Completely unexpected and I'm still hoping it's just a dream. What's reality except for what perceive as reality.

answerme_tender · Jan 20, 2011, 10:36 AM

She wants nothing to do with you so it is time to move on and stop all contact --period. You don't want to appear desperate or if your begging her for a relationship. If you see her in hallway just nod your head and keep going, make sure you have a smile on you don't want her thinking you are still hung up on her. Let her think you are over it all.

Time to get out with friends to places she won't be, and start meeting some other girls your age!!

Elloganias · Jan 20, 2011, 12:07 PM

Ok. That makes sense but it's still not good enough. I need a why, to understand. I've never been big on just trusting my emotions and now they seemed to have left a big crater in my heart. I know. I'm crappy at letting go. It's not new to me. It's not easy for me just to move on like that. People said I would be getting over it by now but it feels like it's just getting worse. I think you should know me a bit better. Im not the guy that goes at and hangs with people. I'm the guy that stays home reads or does something else. So not only was she my first girlfriend but she opened my world to something different. To people.. Well. Going to partys. Even the school dance. Always felt out of place and just didn't go before. But when she was with me I felt great. Just wish I could go back. It's not healthy to dwell in the past, but it seems that's all I have left. It's so hard to believe she's completely moved on... The things we said to each other at times. Idk. I guess I just believed in it too much. Watching a movie at her house. She pulled me close. And I said, "don't worry I'm not letting go" and she looked into my eyes and answered, "neither am i" it's just hard to let go.

answerme_tender · Jan 20, 2011, 12:23 PM

Well your 17yrs old now, its time to learn the lesson, that young ladies are full of emotions, and Don't NEED AN REASON to dump a guy. Sorry, but that's just how it goes, and let me also advise this that a heck of a lot of guys at your age do exact samething with NO REASON. Your looking for a logical reason, and even if she thought up a reason, it still wouldn't satisfy you.

So you have experienced a different social environment, so keep doing what that. Nobody says you have to go back, always keep moving forward. Perhaps there is a young lady who would also like to experience going to out and possible going to school dances, STOP dwelling and open your eyes to the possibilities that you are missing out on.

Elloganias · Jan 20, 2011, 01:43 PM

I know what your getting at. But I guess I asked this question and already knew the answer. I knew the answer I wanted. But I knew the answer I would get. I can't really just let go. Not completely. It's been good to have someone else to talk to. It's the same story but I still can't believe it. O well. I almost want to let go. But I don't think I can. Don't want to find another girl to fill the void. I want to find the girl. I told her. I promised her that I would always wait for her. Call me a helpless romantic lol. Don't really care. I'll hold on to as long as I have hope. I'm not going to talk to her. But I'll be there for her. If she let's me. I'm not going to go stalker. Blah...

answerme_tender · Jan 20, 2011, 02:40 PM

Well I thought you might want to read someone else's post,just to occupy your time. It will do you good to read all the post, and see if you notice some of the same wording between his and yours, if so you might want to take heed and learn now at your age to learn to move on in life without doing the so called WAITING or just opting out on the dating seen.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...st-543017.html

Elloganias · Jan 21, 2011, 10:46 AM

Ok. I read it. I think I've been on this couch for a good hour plus. I've seen a lot of similarities with our ideas. But a lot of differences at the very root of the relationships. A big one. I've been doing the no contact thing. I haven't seen her in person for a long two weeks. Just finished exams today. Had an urge for the past couple days to text her but I told myself that I would wait till after exams. Well here I am an still keeping my silence. It scared me today, after exams I didn't feel hurt, I felt a little sorrow, but a lot of anger. I want her to go out with someone. And get her heart broken. And then maybe she could understand me. That's all I've wanted her to understand me, so maybe she can understand why she left. I didn't do anything... Big let's say.. Like Cube did. Or at lest to me. Which is why I'm so confused. It's still just damn hard for me to believe that someone can just let go. She's never told me, that she didn't love me, that she didn't want me. If I heard that. I feel I could just let go. But she's happy. And I'm about the same as I was before her. She's telling her friends she's taking s break from guys. And I feel I should take a break from girls. Although I miss it. So much. That connection. Want to jump into anything that will make me feel like that. But I don't at the same time

answerme_tender · Jan 21, 2011, 11:27 AM

Listen, your not the only one on this site who feels like they were thrown away like a bag of garbage!! Nor are you alone in wanting them to experience the hurt and pain that you are going through.

I do believe in what goes around comes back around!! ---I have lived it BOTH ways!!

The thing is--the pain will dull to a just hurt, then the hurt will dull to annoyance, then one day you will realize that you haven't even thought about her!! This time does come, but its not over night and it doesn't happen for weeks to months, and for some of us it may of taken years. But when that times comes, you will also know that for whatever reason this hurt and pain you have gone through has also made you a stronger, and perhaps a better person in the long run.

Elloganias · Jan 21, 2011, 01:27 PM

Ok. Not really responding to your answer but I just talked to her. For a good.. Hour I think. Not sure. And she was able to explain it more to me, or maybe I just listened more. It's cause I wasn't right for her. She loved me. We talked. I brought up that I felt she just kind of threw it away. And she kind of snapped at me. Which was probably a good thing. She told me she loved me. Just as much as I loved her, but that I wasn't right for her, yes it was special. But :( she didn't want me to change for her. Sadly I really would. But she told me it wouldn't work for her. And not much you can say to that. So. We decided. Maybe in the summer we can talk to each other again and be friends. That it's really not going to work right now. Now I just really miss the feeling of a relationship. Just feels empty. :( almost wish I was interested in someone else at school... O well. Guess I'll just relax for now.

wwii89 · Jan 31, 2011, 02:26 AM

I just want to let you know that I have been through the same thing. But my relationship last almost a year and a half. And she told me the same reason as your ex told you. It is been like 3 months since she broke up with me. All I can say is that I'm getting better and better. And yes she was my first love, and first of everything. So I know how you feel. Have you thought about that her feeling just changed /passed the honeymoon stage and don't want the relationship anymore?? My Ex had a serious depression, and I was the one who help her out during that period beside her family. I was the one who is always understand her. But at the end of our relationship I was really stress out because of school work and family stuff we had couple fight, I was expected her to understand me and support me. But do you know what she did? She broke up with me, because of some bs reason, and said that we aren't right for each other.
All I want to say is that my ex changed her feeling, and she doesn't want the relationship anymore, same as your ex. They just simply fall out of love.

Im sorry bro, No contract is the only way that help you to move on!!

Elloganias · Jan 31, 2011, 01:21 PM

Well... I've been feeling better I guess. Until today. I just hit the wall hard. I really am feeling that I would rather have never met her, never fallen for her because now it hurts. And I feel worse than I did before. I know how wrong it is. But suicide looks o so comfy. To let go of all this crap of life. I don't really believe in an afterlife, on the fence is the closest I get to any religion. So if I end it all. I know I will never feel this way again. I won't have worry, I won't have sadness, I won't have anything. Not a care in the world because I'm not alive. Still don't understand why she broke up. Probably never will. She's completely moved on, today at the lunch table she came over at talked to some mutual friends o ours. I couldn't even look her in the face. Couldn't even acknowledge that she was there, because yer presence alone was a deep burning feeling. I did what everyone said. I haven't talked to her since that last post. But she's always on my mind... Like a disease that's sucking away all the joy I've felt. Turning It against me. I feel I can't talk to anyone, even this post I'm going to look at peoples responses but I can't trust people anymore. I don't know if I can. I can't feel my heart. I'm not happy when I complete something or see someone smile. I wear a mask all day. But behind that mask my eyes are dead. It's easy to pretend if you don't feel anything. Smile... Tell a joke, I've been pretending for years... I've had practice. And I want to blame her, I want to blame myself. But I don't know what I did wrong. And I know there wasn't much I could do but I still blame myself. I understand what I'm going through. But I'm not sure I want to save myself. I don't see a point. I don't have much of a will to live anymore. It would be so easy to just fade into the background. Disappear. From nothing to nothing.