[Beandipp]

First time post

My girlfriend of about ten months just left me. She gave me the cliché its not you its me speech she said that she needed to be alone that she hasn't been out of a relationship since she was in junior high. Me and her have this crazy history we've known each other forever and have tried to be together twice before this last attempt. First time was in high school we went on a date to a party and ended up with our tongues down each others respective mouths, I got cold feet a few weeks later and sort of ed out with a I'm not ready excuse.
Two years went by with us communicating via email, anyway she got with a guy and was with him most of that time. One day she called and I on a whim answered, we decided to catch up and had dinner she told me about the guy, we went on a few innocent dates and one thing led to another and she said she wanted to end it with this other guy and I thought that meant she wanted to be with me so I pushed and we got serious for about a week and then she broke up saying that she was about to break up with this other guy and she didn't want to jump into another relationship. I was hurt and angry and didn't really understand at the time so I basically cut communication totally stopped answering calls and messages deleting emails before reading them the whole 9. whatever I finally broke and decided to call her she was ecstatic and I was more so because it seemed like she forgave me. We met again after about a year of nothing I introduced her to my best friend at the time the night we met. I found out that she was getting into raves and I thought they would be fun she talked about ecstasy and I was a little interested I tried to play the reunion cool I didn't want her to know how much I missed her thought it would make me look weak or something, anyway I stopped myself from putting on any advances. I went to the restroom and my friend asked her for her number later he asked if it was OK I said no I really like her and am trying to play it slow. We started seeing each other more the first time I tried E she was their walking me through it and I sort of lost it telling her how much I liked her and she started to cry a little telling me how much she liked me. Long story short by christmas we were together which made it about a month since we started talking again. Pretty much the next day I went over to my best friends for a party started talking about the girl and one of his friends slipped up asking us if we both had slept with her. I found out we had. I'm no longer friends with him, I made my piece with her she said she was sorry, I felt disgusted and if you knew my friend you would be too he is such a scumbag to woman he chats them up takes what he wants and leaves them crying and alone afterwords. I was so put off by her but I felt like she was the one or something and I wanted to make it work so I swallowed my pride and hid my disgust and told her it wasn't her fault. After a few months I almost forgot about it if I heard his name I would get livid for a moment before fighting it down. I stopped hanging around people who were associated with him because I didn't want to see him or else id hurt him more and I would just be screwing everything up I was trying to hold together. Anyway got over that and now ten months on she wants a break last week she tried this she told me she needed space and time and wanted to be alone to work her out. She couldn't make it though she called me drunk the next night telling me she missed me and was sorry I was in pain, then she called me two nights later drunk again to tell me the same thing, the next day she shows up asking me to take her back so I do because for christs sake I think I'm in love, and we have a good week, I had this idea to take her out during the weekend on a first date, told her we would pretend that we just met and ask all the awkward fumbling questions that go with it, she agreed and I took her to a comedy club in hollywood and we had a blast making up the backstory for the date playing the parts it was great. Two days later she breaks up with me saying that its for us that she has some issues that she has to deal with that she's not being selfish she's being selfless when she gets through the issues shell be ready for the long haul.
This girl does have issues I've known her forever her mom is a cancer survivor and despite that is the meanest most selfish person I have ever met she disregards curtesy and empathy like their useless, she is quite frankly an awful person and more importantly an awful mother. She always has something nasty to say to my girlfriend regarding her weight or me telling her that she's not good enough and so on etc.
So now she says she wants to be alone out of a relationship and on her own she had the idea to come up with a date 6 weeks from now we'er going to meet and hash everything out. Oh and the day after she broke up she went to a bob dylan concert with her guy friend who bought her the ticket and who I've been jealous of since he started teaching her how to play the base about two months after we got together, secretly jealous because he's two years younger than us and lives with his parents. But he knows music like a guru and always has way too much pot for himself. Yuck.

Uh sorry. My question is, holy crap what do I do?
Is there something wrong with me?
Should I meet her?
Should I read into the base teacher crap? Even though she assured me there was nothing to worry about when I brought it up during the break up conversation.

Sorry for the wall of text everyone guess I just needed to let it all out.

[tam1234]

Kay, do yourself a favor, give it a rest! If she's so flaky, you need to realize, that's not respecting you! If you will not stand up for yourself, nobody will. She needs to realize that you are a great guy, and you are worth her time and respect! And if she can't do that, that's not the girl for you. She's using you man. Using you to flatter herself knowing you will always be there. Don't be that person. Have respect for yourself, and you will find an unbelievable relationship ahead.

[Survivor07]

I did the best I could with your post. Smaller summaries are better. You'll get more replies.

I'll answer each question:

1. Give her the space she asked for.
2. There is nothing wrong with your being upset about this. I don't know if there is something else wrong with you, unless you want to discuss the drug use.
3. No.
4. You mean "bass" teacher as in bass guitar? You have no control over the situation, so worrying about it is a waste of your time.

The best way to handle this is to just back off. Let her do her thing. She has issues and has asked to be alone. Respect the request and concentrate on you. Try having no contact with her for a while. Read the Stickies about No Contact. They will help you. You will find you are not alone in this situation if you search other posters questions similar to yours.

Just a little unsolicited advice: Stay away from the E, the pot, the alcohol abuse. No good will come of it, never has.

[Beandipp]

Thanks to both of you
As far as the drug use goes it pretty much went with the friend I mentioned
Wasn't ever big on it
But I liked the idea of trying new things
I totally meant bass that's what I get for relying on spell check
Thanks again

[Survivor07]

You're welcome.

By the way, I'm all for trying new things. That's what life is all about. But when the "new" thing is a known thing that could ruin your life... well, you know. I'm getting off the topic of your question and lecturing you on drugs. Sorry. Hang in there.

[Beandipp]

She left me this time while I was waiting for her to sort out her issues.
We were on a break and she ran into me outside of class we talked felt sad and the next day she came over to break it off completely I misheard her say that she wasn't ready to be madly in love as she Was. I got happy smiling and kissing and hugging her and then after she kept talking I realized my mistake and did an emotional 180. After telling her what happened she fell to the floor and started sobbing uncontrollably I sat down next to her, I was out of tears to shed so I just sat there thinking how much of an idiot I was. After a while she stopped crying and we talked she asked me if I thought she was over thinking things I said yes I asked her how she felt about me and she said she loved me. I asked her why wasn't that enough. She said she was worried shed ruin it and that id hate her. I love you I said and its enough for me. We hugged we kissed she said sorry, she said I'll try. We were back together for two days. Today she came to me and said I don't want a break I want to break up. I can't stop thinking that this isn't the right time for us she said, I want to find you in the future when I'm OK and make a life with you. And then she left and here I am with this terrible pressure in the back of my head that is all but consuming me.

Anyone no what to do?

[Beandipp]

Sucks there's no way to edit after you submit I was to hasty sorry for the awful grammar I'm a mess at the moment

[talaniman]

Disappear from her life, and close this chapter of your life, so you can open a new fresh one. That's what I would do!

Start now, and save yourself more drama, and confusion, than this is really worth. Ever ask yourself what your trying to hold on to??

For all the love you may well feel, its obvious she doesn't feel the same, and that's something you can't change. She is distracted greatly by the things around her, and has to deal with it on her own, and you have to give her the time, and space, to do just that. That's why she ended this thing.

The things is, it may take a long time, so don't wait for her to be anywhere near ready, anytime soon.

Sorry guy but its all changed on you. Adjust, and leave her alone, especially when she is drunk.

[Beandipp]

talaniman thank you so much
I was just writing her a long email
Detailing how I felt and
Listing all that wrongs she committed
It felt so good to let it all out
I've been debating whether or not to send it for an
Hour now, when I got an email saying you posted an answer
I read it and I don't want to send the email anymore
Thanks for helping me along with perfect timing