[reallyconfused1]

Hi there! I will try to make this the shortest version possible... lol I dated my ex on and off since I was 16 years old. (we're both 24 now) anyway, when we turned 20 we made things a little more serious and moved in together. We bickered quite a lot but I know there was a lot of love there-we did everything together. He is a little bit of a bad boy and I am a little conservative, but we decided instead of wedding rings we would tattoo each others names. His on my back, and mine on his arm. Things were great for about a year and then we started fighting a lot. Long story short, I was unhappy in my life (nothing personal to him) and took it out on him. I pushed all his buttons until he eventually kicked me out. I went and stayed at my parents house. One month later, he called saying he missed me. We started slowly hanging out and we fell quickly back in love. Anyway, I ended up living there again, and two years later same thing. I started pushing his buttons, taking other things out on him and he kicked me out. This was 8 months ago, and I am still not over it. I sent him a letter to say I'd like to take him out for coffee but apparently he doesn't like me as a person anymore. I really am not a terrible person and I feel horrible about the way I treated him. I don't feel like us never talking again should be the final solution for two people who have been sooo close for so many years. His birthday is coming up in about a month and I was thinking I should send a small gift in the mail anonymously of something only I know he has been trying to find since I met him. He is really into these little model cars and I actually found this rare one he has never been able to find. My question is, do you think you should never give up if you truly love someone even if at this moment she apparently don't ever want to talk to you again? Or is that stalker-ish? I have moved on in my life in every other aspect- meaning those things that were truly making me so awful to those around me. I figured out what I was looking for for myself and went out and changed those things. I know I already received two chances, do you think this sentimental gesture (with no letter) will maybe allow for at least a coffee? Last time we saw each other was a raging fight and haven't spoken since. Thank you sooo much for your input/advance :)

[persainpapaya]

I know you are looking for a different answer/opinion than this... especially if you feel like you still love this person. But I am not going to feed you a lie. So here it is. You sound like someone who may have dealt with abandonment in your life. Often, people who have been abandoned or who felt abandoned, are so sure that it will happen again, that they unknowingly push their partner away. They are almost more comfortable with knowing it DID end, like they thought it would, than with things working out for a lifetime. It's very sad, but true. The only way I know to fix that issue is to get counseling and learn to believe that you don't deserve to be abandoned, but to be cherished. After learning to love yourself, then you can truly love others. One other issue. Marriage is a contract two people make, not just legally, but before God. This is a necessary thing in my opinion. It holds the people accountable. It is too easy to leave a relationship without this. Also, you are sending the wrong message by living with someone when you aren't married. You are WORTHY of marrying... you are a princess... you deserve someone who would... to quote Dr. Laura... "Swim through shark infested water to bring you a lemonade" ;)

[reallyconfused1]

I definitely understand what you are saying and you are completely right I have dealt with abandonement issues early in my life with my father and so many of our fights were like you said; my being more comfortable with it ending just like I thought it would than it actually working out. I have been doing a lot of work on myself because I am where the problem was and I know that. But I am wondering if its possible through sending a thoughtful birthday gift that we could at least be friends in the future? I truly just miss having him in my life.

[persainpapaya]

Well, if you really only want to be friends, I think there is no harm in giving the gift. But on the other hand, if you know that deep inside, you want to get him back, then let it go. If you want to have him back, then he needs to come to you on his own. You deserve someone who WANTS to be with you. And I can tell you from my own mistakes, that anytime you appear needy or desperate... he will not find you attractive. But whatever you do, do it with no expectations on his part. And wait for the right person to come into your life. Blessings..