What he did the other day, yesterday, last year for his son be-it buy his favourite snack is a weak justification for today’s abuse at best. All that says is he's a terrific manipulator.
He caned a 7 yr old. Not once. But twice. And he will do it again if it goes unnoticed.
No “yeah buts” This is the now. This is abuse. And the 7 year old is living with it today.
What you and the loved ones around your brother need to do to help put a stop to this is stop justifying his behaviour. Do not make exceptions. Do not accept excuses. His remorse means peanuts if he doesn't follow through by acting on stopping.
The basis of failure to anger manage is a breakdown in coping. Coping with life. Coping with people. Coping with problems. Once a person realises this, and it sounds like he has, he's on the path to solving it.
With that aside,
The main concern (or what should be) is the 7 year old.
What his 7 yr old son is going through something 10 times worse as a helpless child that is exposed to it and has little to no power over a full grown man with full grown problems. And throw the fact the man will get him his favourite snack is just painting a confusing connection to his father.
That's why most families will prefer to protect their attacker in domestic disputes. They develop a distorted sense of honor based on that kind of manipulation.
I just don't understand why he did it,
when he is such a loving father, even his wife ever commented that
( ftr, something like this is said in defense in most domestic dispute cases despite the cops were still called out because
someone got beaten.)
Top that off with everyone going "poor you" to the grown up, the son has few people on his side.
That is not setting a very healthy example for how the son will cope with other people later on in his life.
The wife not protecting her son (or herself - it wouldn't surprise me she's got a few secrets she's hiding but the fact she's considered divorce speaks volumes - but to look strong in front of her boys, her own pain can't be shown) If by not deciding that he needs to separate for a bit and get his act together, the longer she allows him near his sons, the more she enables this to keep happening. She's probably not coping well with this either and that WILL affect her and her parenting towards her kids.
She is also setting an example of all female counterparts in the son's life. He will see that abusing people is acceptable if she accepts her husband doing it to her or the kids. Either that or he will do a backflip and despise his father and his mother(or be over protective of her) and that can also create difficulty later in his relationships.
So you see, it's not just your brother's life he's messing up for himself, it's everyone he touches and the future of the people he touches.
And I don't care what your brother might think the 7 yr old did to "ask for it". Mischeivious or not, there is no excuse for an adult 3 times his size and 10 times the strength.
If he cannot find a better way to confront his child other than violence or any other "adult" ideals, that is the number one sign of bad parenting. Which he can change.. but he better hurry it up.
The children's safety should come #1. Get them out, then get him to deal with his problem.
If you see it happening again, restrain him. Get the kid away from him. Stop enabling it. Stop just standing there. Be part of the solution not the problem.
Children shouldn't have to be the stumbling blocks for adult problems. Their biggest concern should be what they are having for lunch, toys, what clothes they are buying for school this year.. Doing well in school.. curing cancer one day..
Not when or if their dad's going to 'loose it' this week. I can't tell you how many times I've seen that story end in distraction, bad grades and crappy jobs that go no where for young men that give up living up to their potential. Don't let that poor kid end up being a statistic.