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thephenom001 · Jan 31, 2011, 01:09 PM

My girlfriends parents don't like me because I'm 20 and she is 17 , so they are forcing her to be with another guy, and me and her have to hide dating until she is 18 , but has to pretend to be with this other guy to make her parents happy.. what do I do?

justcurious55 · Jan 31, 2011, 01:12 PM

I don't understand how they are forcing her to date someone else. If they say she can't date you, I'd lay low until she's 18. Best to keep yourself out of trouble. But I'm still not clear on how they can force her to date someone else. Something doesn't sound right here.

Alty · Jan 31, 2011, 01:17 PM

I agree with justcurious, something doesn't seem right here.

They can prevent her from dating you, but how can they force her to date someone else?

Are you sure it's her parents doing this? Have you talked to her parents? To me it sounds more like she's interested in this other guy and doesn't know how to tell you.

Wait until she's 18 and see what happens. If it is her parents making this choice then she is free to make her own decisions once she's 18. If it's her making this choice then you'll find out once her birthday comes around.

thephenom001 · Jan 31, 2011, 01:19 PM

She dated this guy that her parents were good friends with there family , and her family kind of pushed this guy onto her so she was with him for 3 years.. but didn't like or love him, then I came along and she left him, and her parents blamed me when she wasn't happy at all, well now she has to pretend to be dating this guy for her parents... but she is dating me and we get to see every week secretly. But I'm confused as to why she doesn't just end it with that guy .

Alty · Jan 31, 2011, 01:21 PM

That's the question. If she can't date you, that's understandable. Her parents have the final say because she's not an adult.

But, they can't force her to date someone else. She could choose to be single until she's allowed to date you. The fact that she's dating this guy is really strange.

thephenom001 · Jan 31, 2011, 01:25 PM

Yah it is, how ever her mom texted me once and said she will do everything in her power to prevent her from being with me, her mom is the problem she thinks if she is "single" she's going to go for me, when she broke up with him the first time her parents went ape and took her cell and stuff.. so she is putting through it for now until she is 18. Her text today was this "You know that i love you, i say it all the time, and as for him, he is just there thats really it, he is nothing unless you make him something, if i end it with him, then my cell and laptop will get taken away and it will only hurt our relationship more, you just need to hold on and have faith, i love you please just hang on to me."

Alty · Jan 31, 2011, 01:30 PM

Wow. Her parents are certifiable.

Does this have anything to do with her religion or culture? I know that some parents, in certain cultures, will force their daughters to choose who they find appropriate. Is that the case here?

thephenom001 · Jan 31, 2011, 01:33 PM

No that's not the case here. They blame me for her split up after 3 years with that guy so there trying to make my life miserable with it. But can someone really date somebody they truly love, and pretend to date another guy for her parents to get off her back?

Alty · Jan 31, 2011, 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by thephenom001

No thats not the case here. They blame me for her split up after 3 years with that guy so there tryin to make my life miserable with it. But can someone really date somebody they truly love, and pretend to date another guy for her parents to get off her back?

I guess anything is possible. Sounds like she's dating him strictly to have the means to contact you. If her computer and phone are taken away then you two will have very limited contact.

Personally I think you should just tell her that the two of you should respect her parents wishes, and not contact each other until she's 18.

This way she can dump the other guy.

The bottom line is, her parents rule until she's 18. You two may as well accept that, and respect their wishes, even if they're going about this all wrong.

thephenom001 · Jan 31, 2011, 01:47 PM

That's the thing.. her parents don't think she talks to me anymore.. so she can't really dump him or her parents will get mad and assume. And still take it all away anyway

Alty · Jan 31, 2011, 01:58 PM

Well, if the two of you cut contact, like I suggested, then it won't matter if she doesn't have her phone or her computer.

Dating someone just to keep your phone and computer, that's just not right.

When does she turn 18?

thephenom001 · Jan 31, 2011, 02:03 PM

She turns 18 next year.. and cutting contact would kill us both inside.. personally I would just tolerate it even if it kills me, because I truly love her and I don't want to lose her

Alty · Jan 31, 2011, 02:06 PM

If you truly do love each other then the time apart will only make your relationship stronger.

The fact is, she lives under her parents roof. She's a minor, and she has to follow their rules. She shouldn't have to date someone she doesn't want to, but she does have to stay away from the person they don't want her to date.

I know it's hard, and it seems so unfair, but her parents can do what they want.

If you two go to no contact that would be best. Handle this maturely, stay away from each other, don't contact each other, show her parents that you're willing to follow their rules. This can only help you later on when she turns 18.

thephenom001 · Jan 31, 2011, 02:15 PM

Mm I don't think that will help..

justcurious55 · Jan 31, 2011, 02:16 PM

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Altenweg again.

You should listen to alty. Her advice is good. Sneaking around her parents back sure isn't going to help anything. Respecting their wishes for the time being is your best option.

talaniman · Jan 31, 2011, 02:39 PM

Stop and think guy, if her parents find out what she is doing, then she loses more than a phone, and lap top, and you could lose more than a girlfriend. I don't want to hear about the age of consent or any of that because as an experienced parent of a daughter, I know how easy it is to get a restraining order on YOU, or have you arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, if she does anything they don't like.

Its too easy, so rethink what your doing and protect yourself, and you better convince her too, because you young people are asking for more trouble than you think. Her mom has already told you what she is willing to do, and you better believe her, and fear her. You may be in love, but you should be a lot more afraid of her mama. And what makes you think they don't know what she is doing "behind their back"?

Aw well most kids think they are smarter than their parents any way I suppose, but they just learn the hard way... they ain't.

If I were you, I would sure be covering my own a$$, and not get stuck with jail for some young tail. She may not have sense, but a grown man should.

thephenom001 · Jan 31, 2011, 07:59 PM

Well 17 and 20 isn't ilegal in canada for one, the legal age is 16, and if she's dependent its up to 4 years difference. You can't go to jail for that.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 31, 2011, 08:04 PM

You are totally loss, the legal age to have sex is one thing,
An adult taking or being with a minor child against the parents permission is another issue,
If they have told you not to be with their child, you have parential interference , perhaps aiding the delinquency of a minor, and I can come up with several more things they could get you charged with.

And your "stalking" the girl ( adult being told to leave minor alone) is enough normally for a restraining or order of protection.

And if you claim to be an adult, you are to show responsibility and that includes not helping a child go against the instructions of her parents.

Age of consent is just about having sex, not about the ability to date against parents permission.

talaniman · Jan 31, 2011, 10:13 PM

Leave jail bait alone fella, it ain't worth it. You better tell her right. Nothing is more to be feared than parents PROTECTING THEIR CHILD.

You have been warned, its up to you!!