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lillygreen · May 10, 2008, 11:42 AM

Hi! Never been on this before until today.. but I really need some advice!I've been with a guy for 2 years straight, and about 6 years on and off! And basically we had been getting on ups and downs as usual, but he strted a really stupid fight the other day over nothing by text. It was the day I finished my dissertation for college. He was texting telling me to fxxk off etc. and that he was only with me for what he wanted etc. so I got upset and was telling him I loved him etc etc and asking him to meet with me and he was sending back texts saying just leave me alone, don't cother coming near me and all. It was very mean. I went out last night in the city and I text him a few times and he just replied saying for me to just get over it etc. I didn't enjoy my night at all, not that I was fighting with him it was because I do love him... It was meant to be a happy time for me finishing college etc. and then today I text and was saying that I would like to see him. Ive sent a few messages today I haven't heard any thing back. I just feel so upset. I feel like every time we have an argurment I have to apologise event though its never me who starts them. I j don't want to loose him and I just feel so lost... can any one help? Thanks.

** thanks everybody for the advice**
I suppose yes the right thing to do is nc... but why is that so hard?and why am I afraid to loose him of I do that...
And also its just soooo annoying the way we haven't had face to face contact... evern when we were arguing? why would someone not want to talk at all... I think talking about ut would really help :( but even with any type of argument he will not 'talk' about it... which is the total opposite to me, because I think saying how you feel makes all the difference...

nickshehe · May 10, 2008, 11:53 AM

As long as you're with him and he's a drama queen and you're accepting him for being one - he will not change. Communication is key to every relationship.. But this guy won't even let you talk to him... I'm sure if you ignore him for a few days he'll come sniffing around. But you've let him get away with this immature behavior in the past and I don't think any amount of talking will change him.

lillygreen · May 10, 2008, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by nickshehe

As long as you're with him and he's a drama queen and you're accepting him for being one - he will not change. Communication is key to every relationship..But this guy won't even let you talk to him...I'm sure if you ignore him for a few days he'll come sniffing around. But you've let him get away with this immature behavior in the past and I don't think any amount of talking will change him.

Thanks nickshehe... that is totally true, I have let him do that the whole time, and even if it a stupid arguments he will not make contact... I always have to say sorry, even if it is not my fault. You seen we were together say 5 years ago and he didn't want a relationship but I was always ringing, texting etc. and he treated me really bad, I suppose I learned to accept that he didn't want a relationship... and I just stopped contact with him, and we met a few times after that. Then I just moved on I suppose... and I was dating another guy. And he started contact again and saying I love u, I'm so sorry etc etc. and I get back with him and that was 2 years ago... and here we are now. I just feel really upset and angry because I would do anything for him and I never start fights or any thing. And also it is my final exam for college in 6 days.. I feel like that is so mean for him to do this to me now...

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 12:16 PM

I feel like that is so mean for him to do this to me now...

Please explain why you let him treat you this way?

lillygreen · May 10, 2008, 12:20 PM

I don't know why I have let him... I suppose it because I'm afraid of losing him... afraid of feeling how I did before when I wanted him and he didn't want me.. Its such a horrible feeling.. I really want him to like even talk to me or something.. I'm 22 and he is 23, we are not children. He is acting very immature.. I feel like he is not replying or contacting with me because he knows that it drives me mad.. and I keep trying to make contact.. and I'm afrais to stop because of losing him...

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 01:43 PM

And he is worth giving up your dignity and self respect? Is he worth the mind games and bad controlling behavior? That's not love.

itslizzzxl3 · May 10, 2008, 02:07 PM

Sorry but this guy sounds like he's using you and he's a jerk. I know it's hard to move on. But you might have to. This guy obviously has no respect for you or your feelings.

nickshehe · May 10, 2008, 02:16 PM

Well he's not stupid - he's almost trained you to come back to him.. He knows you'll fold. So this time surprise him and be strong. Don't call him, don't contact him. When he eventually calls you, don't give him a chance to be angry - YOU be angry.

ladieedee21 · May 10, 2008, 02:19 PM

You guys are going to continue like this.. no matter what comes around...
Your always going to blame everything on you... whenever some fight happens.. your jusst going to sayy... "im sory im soorryy..that's it...all good" but that's wrong... your going to go through a lot of pressure and hard times... many difficulities...
He did not even respond to your textss and he actually told you move on...
I'm sorry to say this.. but your going to have to move on...
Things in life always can get this wayy... and sometimes you have to do what you have to do... and by doing this.. there is going to be a dayy where. Your going to be very proud of yourselff.. and thanked yourself for not continuing with this guy.. who don't even know how to treat you rightt..
There are men somewhere in this world where they will give all their attention to you only... findd that person.. that guy will comee... one dayy...
Be a real Chick and move on... have faith and confidence.. and knowing there are men who will love you and would ignore you..

lillygreen · May 10, 2008, 02:21 PM

Originally Posted by itslizzzxl3

Sorry but this guy sounds like he's using you and he's a jerk. I know it's hard to move on. But you might have to. This guy obviously has no respect for you or your feelings.

Thanks everybody for your advice... I do hear you! Its just SO hard because we really really do get on well, 99.9% of the time, not only that but I know that I can trust him... I know that might not be a huge thing but still its an important factor... I think maybe he might be insecure because its like he loves when I am chasing him like now.. its like he gets a kick out of it or something.. but I suppose it's a game.. rite?you want what you can't have... and when you know you can have it you don't want it... :confused: any eay I just wish I had the strength for the no contact thing :rolleyes:... I'm afraid of losing him again... I just feel so hopeless and upset:(

lillygreen · May 10, 2008, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

And he is worth giving up your dignity and self respect? Is he worth the mind games and bad controlling behavior? That's not love.

I know... :( :( its just so hard when someone can be so so nice and like you can tell them everything, you know they would always help you with anything, and love just being around them... and then he can turn and that's it just totally ignore me... it would be grand if like we had started to not get on but seriously even that day that he started the whole texting argument he was like... wow I'm so proud of you and how much he loves me and that he has something special for me for finishing my exams? :confused: :confused:

ladieedee21 · May 10, 2008, 02:30 PM

Don't feell hopeless and upset.. he isntt getting back at you with texts and stuf..
Your always blaming things on yourself when its not even you.. why your making yourself the victim here...
You deserve better.. and you need betterr.. that is not what you call a real guy..

If you love him.. and he don't show you love him.. what makes you think this realitionship will be the bestt... this relationship will continue to be negative and everything is going to be wrong.. your not going to have a goodd time.. alwayss fights... and not having that true love.. inn this realtionshipp..

So aren't you wasting your time... with allll of this..
When life is shortt and you could find someone really reall..?

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 04:03 PM

Something has to change, or this kind of behavior will go on forever, so what going to change, him or you??