[Ema_is_lost]

I've been with my boyfriend since February. Things were going great. He came to my mums wedding, held my hand when I was in hospital recently and we moved in together 5 weeks ago.

He's an only child and has lived away from home before now but is essentailly a mummys boy who does like to have his own space. I accepted all of this at the outset. I am more outgoing and like to talk things through (dont all women?)

Things have been different since moving in. we used to talk about the future and that stopped, sex stopped, kissing me when he came in from work stopped.

Thursday night we had a row about this and I asked him what had changed.

He said he has. He said he meant all the things he said about the future but he has since changed his mind. He said he couldn't deal with 'this' and left at midnight - going to his parents.

Friday - yesterday - he came back after work (I was getting ready for my works do which he was supposed to be coming to) and said that he doesn't want any of what we have. The new flat, the relationship, me.

He says he loves me but not like he used to and that he isn't coming back.

So I'm left with a flat I can't afford and living on my own ( I lived in a shared house when we met because I'm really not good at living on my own)

I'm not sure there is anything I can do or say to fix this. I can't stop crying, got really drunk at the work do last night and although self inflicted I feel like death.

Could I have seen this coming? Should I have seen this coming

I feel like an idiot.

[amicon]

Don't feel like an idiot-for some reason his feelings changed and hard as that is,you need to accept that and don't blame yourself.
Did he live with his parents before you got the flat together?
On a practical note,can you find a flatmate to help out with the rent?
Drinking too much when down in the dumps is to be avoided,alcohol is a depressant-so do things now that make you feel better,see friends and family and take charge of your life.
Take care.

[I wish]

Any break up is painful. I know you feel like you want to beat yourself up, but please don't blame yourself. You can't control the feelings of others. You can only control the way you feel.

I'm sorry that he had a change of heart. It happens. It can be extremely difficult to swallow. I'm sorry that you didn't see this coming, but chances are, he didn't even see this coming. He felt one way one day and then he felt another way another day. I'm sure he's just as shocked.

At this point you can't worry about him or worry about the past. Take it easy on yourself. Focus on taking care of yourself and healing from the pain.

Try to get a roommate as soon as possible so that you don't have to stress about the added financial burden. Try to hang out with friends and family. Try to be around people who love you and will help you through this painful process.

Try to keep yourself as occupied as possible so that you don't have to think about the break up. I know it's difficult to block it out of your mind 24/7, but if you think about it less, it will reduce some of the pain.

With time, it will get easier. You're still in the early stages, so you're still in shock, but you will get through this.

[talaniman]

It happens sometimes when we get carried away by those intense lovely feelings and do things based on feelings, and not facts. I think you skipped the whole get to know each other well phase in this whole process.

That takes a lot of time.

That's a lesson to learn for next time, and I can pretty much guarantee a next time.