[Allheart]

Wildcat,

Wish I could take a snapshot of my facial expression when reading your post... oh boy... Yes I could have caught a million flies... and then some.

Wildcat, first, not good to lump all the women together here. But you know that :)

More importantly, there is no way, shape form, I would surger coat anything when it comes to these types of situations. Never not ever. These are peoples emotions and MeeDee is incredible enough to bare his soul, no one would dare give any advice but what they would think in their hearts the best advice and support. You are just going to have to trust me on this.

Wildcat, I don't blow you out of the water and say you are dead wrong. I read your words with an open mind and could almost bet there are times you are dead on. Perhaps more times than not. I would take your advice as valuable and incorporated with what I thought as well.

You bring a different perspective on things and I most definitely respect it. That is the truth.

Please, no way, would I sugar coat anything when it comes to matters of the heart. Now if my girlfriend asked me if she looks like she put on a couple of pounds, okay, I may reach for the sugar and tell her... nah, bet your dress just shrunk in the wash. (just adding some levity).

And Wildcat, I only wish I knew how this would all end up. No one knows. I think actually I know, that all of us wants this to end up... the best way for MeeDee.

[valinors_sorrow]

I am not sure I can remain participating in this thread and still maintain being constructive so... I wish you all well and good luck to MeeDee!

[Allheart]

[QUOTE=Wildcat21]"Nope - its a break. Go if you must. Been there - done that. I know the end to this story."

Wild you have made similar statements like the one so many times before. Just because something is sounding oh too familiar to you, does not mean the same outcome will be for everyone experiencing difficult times in their relationship.

Just to prove my point, when one member of a marriage is unfaithful and the cheater is discovered by his or her spouse, sometimes in ends in divorce and sometimes they work it through it. No two situations are alike and no two people are alike.

I am sure it is hard for you not to raise red flags when seeing similar circumstances, but sometimes it may be best to put on the breaks and be careful in not overlapping your experiences and making the firm determination, that if it happened to you, then it will, without a doubt happened to anyone else in a similar circumstances.

It is wise of you and kind of you to alert MeeDee of areas where you think harm will come, but it does not make it a certainty that what happened to you, will replay for MeeDee. I am not saying it won't, but you can not say with 100% certainty, that it will.

No Sugar here,
Allheart

[Geoffersonairplane]

I respect Wildcat for his views and opinions! Totally

But I must say that you cannot over generalize because every situation is different and each person is in someway different.. There are not always rules and predictable outcomes to one's actions. You cannot guarantee specific results every time. There is so much danger in becoming accustomed to following rules and patterns (at least in terms of what we are debating here).

Sorry meedee that I have not contributed to your discussion sooner but I entered rather late and you seemed to be getting so many good ideas and viewpoints from some wise fellows, I can't really add anything without sounding like I am repeating what has been said.

Best advice I can give is for you to take all the advice you have been given and filter this through your zone of reasoning..

That is what works best for me!

All the best!

[Skell]

Exactly my sentiments Geoff.

He has to live and die by his decision and whatever it may be it must be made by him and him alone.

[JoeCanada76]

Okay, what happened to just meeting her to find out what is on her mind? To do some listening, see where she goes from there. Then by listening to what she has to say, at that moment you will be able to respond to whatever she said to you. Of course if your going to do this it needs to be at your own pace and your own time. Some people might think that no way do the talking first, but without any influence on your part you will be able to figure out where exactly she stands or what she wants to talk about. Then you will have an easier decision to make one way or another.



Joe

[Skell]

Yep Joe,

My main point all along is Meedee has to do what he finds is comfortable in his own time. When he is feeling ready.

Don't put it off forever but understand it is OK to not be ready immediately and clear his head.

[MeeDee23]

Time is a valuable thing that we must all understand and see its value. Look at me, I've been jumping all over the place the last couple of days and you kind people have tried to give me all the helpful insight you can. After taking time and REALLY sorting things out and finding out what is best for me... I can be at peace with my decision that, for the time being, hold off on the meeting. It is too soon for the both of us and I don't have my composure yet... I'm getting there though!

In the mean time, I'm looking at improving myself and going out to have fun to try and put it on the side for now. I believe in time as a healing factor, no matter what side of the situation you are on. By rushing into anything, it can lead to cause for great regret in the future. At least now, I can feel that by slowing down and thinking for a couple days, I have made the best decision for ME and me alone.

Thanks everyone and I'll make sure the updates keep flowing!

[Skell]

I like your last post a lot meedee.

For the first time in a while I see you talking about reasons for doing things and making decisions that relate to YOU! Not her or anyone else. You haven't done that until this point. I think it shows you have come a long way and have taken things in.

That is good.

Well done!

[s_cianci]

Well, I know you don't want to hear "move on" but that really is the best advice for you in this situation. Now, it doesn't necessarily mean that it's totally over and she's gone for good. However, you've got to be prepared to live your life to the fullest with or without her. You need to learn to be just as happy with or without her. Once she sees that you can, in fact, be perfectly content without her, that may make her want you back. I can't make any guarantees, but when someone you were close to realizes that you can get by without them, they often want to come back in to your life. Being able to be content in the absence of any significant other is seen as a sign of strength. Once you begin dating other women, she may come to the realization that if she doesn't get you back now she'll lose you for good. That may make her chase you and get her coming back to you. SO yes, the best thing you can do for yourself is to "move on."

[rol]

<<Nope - it's a break. Go if you must. Been there - done that. I know the end to this story.
Sorry - but the women here are sugar coating this. They know what's going to happened - this is reality - not a romance novel where the guy spills his guts and cries and she takes him back - never happens in real life. Are they together now? no.
>>

Ha ha well I know a few cases... but... the girl often loses respect for the guy right after.

In fact I totally agree with everything wildcat wrote and I am a girl, and I also don't believe in "breaks". A break is a break up.
So I would not meet her until you are ready to deal with the fact that she is most probably going to break up in a sugary coated way. Its strange to me why she wants to do this just before her exams but maybe she's feeling guilty since you sent the last card.

So when you meet her , listen to what she has to say, don't try and beg with her, nothing. Just agree with her. Tell her, yes I agree with you , we are too young to settle down , yes you need to see other people or whatever else she has to say. Tell her you just want her to be happy and then you leave!

[Allheart]

Rol, I definitely respect your view on things. I may not agree :), but I do respect them. Do you also agree to the fact that Wildcat claims "the women" are "sugarcoating this". Such generalizations to me, lend nothing to a situation, as to think one group of anything think all a like, is just non-productive and disables any type of learning, growth or valuable insight.

Just to be sure I understand WC claims of "sugarcoating".. here is the definition:

" To make superficially attractive or palatable".

To me, the above statement shows intent. Which could not be farther from the truth and takes away, or attempts to take away, the genuineness of the heartfelt and sincere comments.

To be even more truthful, I absolutely shutter that Vals incredible insight, wisdom, and gifted talents has to be lumped with my post all because we are women. Although heartfelt and doing my darn best to help, they can't even come close to Vals incredible wisdom.
Not even close. No where near it.

Nothing further.

[rol]

<<Do you also agree to the fact that Wildcat claims "the women" are "sugarcoating this". Such generalizations to me, lend nothing to a situation, as to think one group of anything think all a like, is just non-productive and disables any type of learning, growth or valuable insight.
>>

:)) no I don't agree to that part:)))
I am sugarcoating nothing ;-)

And I understand Vals point also... but I think right now is just not the time to talk or explain how he's going to change or try to convince the girl..
Also the age here makes an incredible difference.

And I agree its great for the poster to get all advice male and female and make up his mind and do what he wants to do.

[Wildcat21]

S_cianci - 100% correct - that is what I am trying to say.

Hey - I am blunt and I would never send MeeDee in there with false hopes.

This is reality - not a movie.

NO - it's not over - I don't think it is between them at all. She just has or think she has all the power in this relationship - he needs show - not so fast.

I also don't want this guy going into a 'talk' meeting. No way.

Any one who disagrees with me just needs to read his posts again here.

He needs to get his power back her - he gave it all away.

[Wildcat21]

He should have that meeting - but on his terms and when he is really ready.

Pleae read his initial post again - they had some issues.

[MeeDee23]

So I told her I didn't want to meet yet but that I fully intend for this meeting to occur later (and I wished her well)... very concise and to the point. If it were sent to me, I figure I'd be very perplexed...

Anyway I got a response that sounded fairly concerned asking if something was wrong and why I didn't want to meet. She also tried to be light hearted and crack a little joke afterwards.

All I know is it finally feels good to make an impression and leave her wondering for once as to what I've been up to... since she really has no clue what my life has been like the last few weeks. I have an idea of what I want to do from here... but I'd like to hear others opinions as to what they think about this. I also want her to get through exams without me getting in the way at all. Plus I feel like I'm growing stronger each day, which would be important before I meet her.

[Allheart]

Hi MeeDee,

So glad to hear from you :). I would like to apologize to you, if I in anyway caused any confusion or upset with last nights discussions. I may look at things differently, or come out from a different place, but honest to heaven, I sincerely mean everyword and would never say soft words to cover a potential hard blow. Honest.

Okay, what do I think... I am just tickeld that YOU are feeling better and stronger. As far as what to do from here... do nothing for a change :). Meaning, just take a mental break from it all. Cleanse the mind and soul... breeeeath for once. I know what is like when pain just zaps you and takes your breath away.

Be proud of yourself, like it or not, you made the ultimate decision, you listened intently to everyone's words and advice, but ultimately, MeeDee, you made the choice that you thought was best. Good for you!! So have the confidence that your view of things is clearing, your emotions are calming and so now future choices will come a little easier.

Sit back and relax for a few. This was a tough one for you. Don't worry about what to do next, just take comfort in this moment... and.. catch your breath.

Get a good nights sleep :)

[Skell]

I'm glad you have done what YOU wanted to do because after all as I have said they are your decisions to make and you will have to live with the consequences.

I'm a little concerned with the fact that you almost sound proud of the fact that you have left her 'concerned' and 'perplexed'.

Because that indicates to me that perhaps you haven't made these decisions based on you, but rather on the effect it will have on her.

That's fine, but I must warn you that thinking that way could eventually backfire.

If you make decisions based on the effect (either positive or negative) that they have on others then in my opinion your decisions will be severely jaded.

Decisions should be made based on what is best for ourselves and how we will feel afterwards and the outcome that we will achieve. Not others.

It feels good to make and impression on her?? How about it feeling good because it helped ease your mind and helped you think clearer. Wasn't that you original basis for your decision? Not the mark you left on her?

I hope I'm wrong and I'm also glad you are happy, but it just smells to me like you still think it is some game.

Can I ask where you plan on going from here?

I don't have an opinion until I know what your plans are!

[MeeDee23]

I try to keep this as far as from a game as possible. I really feel better about my decision because it made ME feel good for once. I know its easy to see things like this as a game, but it's also the point that you have to try and understand human nature and how people work in order to make an impression.

Any way you look at it, I want to reaffirm to her that this time is about her, not me. I want to show support but not be intrusive. Therefore I am standing back for now, and would like to make as little contact as possible until the time is right when we meet.

This gets harder and harder to report on the board as things develop... but I still appreciate everyone's insight.

[Allheart]

Skell: I completely understand what you are saying and do so agree. If I may, and probably shouldn't, I am thinking that MeeDee actually did do it for the right reason ultimately, he just felt he was not ready and wished to postpone to a time when he was.

He felt he just needed some more time to heal himself before seeing her again. I think after he let her know that he delayed the meeting, the other thoughts of how it impacted her crept in. I think it's only human, to feel a little bit pleased, knowing it was not a response she was used to or expecting.

If it were me, and it were my ex, and he told me he needed space, and then contacted me to talk, and I delayed for the right reasons, this may be wrong, but I would do a little miniature happy dance if I thought it pinched my ex... just a tad. I am not, in no way, into games... no no no... but if a result happened that I was not aiming for... after feeling soooo much pain, a little tinge of, yeah I feel good about myself, seems reasonable.. don't you think?